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Weight Loss, the New Religion

Since the beginning, mankind and their various religions have often turned the world upside down. Everyone has an opinion about unseen - whether it's good, bad, or somewhere in between. They worship, they teach, they hope, they pray, and they even spread the word about their personal enlightenment.

Folks can be just as religious about weight loss!

That's right, some of us have become enlightened and now everyone needs to become like us! What, you don't believe me? Here are the basic constructs of religion.

Belief in Supernatural Being, Deity or Absolute: Weight-losers believe that the calories are supernatural. Then sneak in at night and shrink your clothes and meddle with the zero balance on your scale.

Sacred and Profane Objects: Sacred objects include the scale, skinny jeans and sometimes the tape measure. The profane; chocolate, ice cream, donuts, wings, and pizza.

Moral Code: You must eat clean, lift heavy, do intervals, run in Vibrams, or zip your pants. There are many factions. Not all of them agree.

Religious Feelings: I ate donut, I feel fat. I ate a salad I feel skinny. I ran a marathon and I am sore. I am tempted by food. I mean, if a little wine for communion is good, then a whole bottle must be better!

Prayer: There are rote prayers like the names we call the scale. It's a universal language. Then there is the second donut prayer and the skipped my workout prayer before ascending to the Altar of Poundage. (I heard the Brits get stoned there.)

A World View: Our world is about weight and rarely about fitness. We have a hard time seeing ourselves as we really are. We say it's OK to have curves and type II diabetes. But then we hit a goal or two and sanity clears our vision.

Intolerance: Skinny people make us angry enough to trip them on the escalator at the mall.

Divine Destiny: We dream of the afterlife of being sexy and skinny somewhere in life. The truth is for most of us, our last chance to have a hot smoking body is cremation.

Problem of Evil Explained: We know about sugar, Aspartame and GMO's, just ask us!

A Social Group Bound Together: Umm, we are here on MFP.

Belief in a Sacred Scripture: Fad diets are everywhere, but heretics like me have written their own missal.
Capital Fundraisers: Things like getting 10,000 steps, walking 100 miles in a month, and the sugar free challenge. 
Rituals: Scale worship is like daily vespers. Then there is something akin to high mass like cheat days after 40 days of fasting and colon cleansing. Most agree that we need to give our old unhealthy lifestyle whatever the appropriate burial ritual is. 

Thanks for reading along. I appreciate the votes and comments.

52 votes + -


aliciaaw wrote 11 months ago:
As always I enjoy your blogs.
luluinca wrote 11 months ago:
So much LOL on the hot smoking body!
pizzafruit wrote 11 months ago:
I love it! For a few moments I was in the 6th pew, 4th student in and celebrating daily Mass before the start of the school day. That ritual is long gone and thanks to you - amen! I believe!!
Leahbcc wrote 11 months ago:
minstrelofsarcasm wrote 11 months ago:
Finally, I can tell my parents I'm attending church.
zimfour wrote 11 months ago:
Do you mind if I copy and paste to my FB page, I will credit you for the content.
dsjohndrow wrote 11 months ago:
Just use the link. :)
wandalugaro wrote 11 months ago:
Divine Destiny: We dream of the afterlife of being sexy and skinny somewhere in life. The truth is for most of us, our last chance to have a hot smoking body is cremation.
You make me laugh-LOL
LeeshaSeal wrote 11 months ago:
So funny and witty! I love the Morale Code. And yes, Divine Destiny was the icing.
emmalena0626 wrote 11 months ago:
Love it!! LOL thanks for the humor is our diet At least its calorie free LOL
jearl0810 wrote 11 months ago:
Why is it every time a title looks interesting enough for me to click on you happened to write it? Coincidence? I think not. Great read.
SassyCookieMe wrote 11 months ago:
So insightful of human nature.....reminds of the the ex-smoker who is worst than the person who never smoked a their criticism of smoking. You really hit the nail on the head with how overcome with rightness a person can become when they are on a self improvement journey..
peachplace wrote 11 months ago:
OMG thanks for the laugh!! Its great cause there is so much truth in your post and yet you also found the humor in it!! thanks for making me feel like its all going to be ok!
gshilamadhuri wrote 11 months ago:
Devine Destiny made me laugh it aloud...So so... true.
Gretaholden1 wrote 11 months ago:
Over the years I have been to heaven and hell numerous times. I am back, but unlike my religion I am not sure if the current journey is heaven or hell.
Anonymous wrote 11 months ago:
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