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Weight Loss Is a Religion

Since the beginning of mankind, religion has often turned the world upside down. Everyone has an opinion about unseen whether it's good, bad or somewhere in between. They worship, they teach, they hope, they pray, and they even spread the word about their personal enlightenment.

Folks can be just as religious about weight loss!

That's right, some of us have become enlightened and now everyone needs to become like us! What, you don't believe me? Here are the basics constructs of religion.

Belief in Supernatural Being, Deity or Absolute: Weight-losers believe that the calories are supernatural. Then sneak in at night and shrink your clothes and meddle with the zero balance adjustment on the scale.

Sacred and Profane Objects: Sacred objects include the scale, skinny jeans and sometimes the tape measure. The profane; chocolate, ice cream, donuts, wings, and pizza.

Rituals: Scale worship is like daily vespers. Then there is something akin to high mass like cheat days.

Moral Code: You must eat clean, lift heavy, do intervals, or zip your pants. There are many factions.

Religious Feelings: I ate donut, I feel fat. I ate a salad I feel skinny. I ran a marathon and I am sore. I don't look fat in this dress.

Prayer: There are rote prayers like the names we call the scale. It's a universal language. Then there is the second donut prayer and the skipped my workout prayer before ascending to the Altar of Poundage. (I heard the Brits get stoned there.)

A World View: Our world is about weight and rarely about fitness. We have a hard time seeing ourselves as we really are. We say it's OK to have curves and type II diabetes. But then we hit a goal or two and sanity clears our vision.

Intolerance: Skinny people make us angry enough to trip them on the escalator at the mall.

Divine Destiny: We are dreamers of a life of being sexy and skinny in life and the afterlife spent with Jack Lalanne and Richard Simmons.

Problem of Evil Explained: We know about sugar, Aspertame, and GMO's, just ask us!

A Social Group Bound Together: Umm, we are here on MFP.

Belief in a Sacred Scripture: Fad diets are everywhere, but heretics like me have written their own.

Thanks for reading along. I appreciate the votes and comments.

18 votes + -

6 comments:

marlown wrote 2 weeks ago:
LOL. A few of my favorites: High mass = cheat days (I won't forget that one:)). ...zip your pants (faction:)), Altar of poundage:O), "sanity" clears our vision. And so many more. Funny, but so much truth here! I'm definitely "religious" about talking the talk:). Working on walking the walk more consistently. Your humor and inspiration even through all your pain in life and health, continue to be "a pain...":). Thanks for sharing and for the kick in the pants!
BonnieHosk85 wrote 2 weeks ago:
Good comparisons!
ploomka wrote 2 weeks ago:
Hilarious! Thanks for sharing :-)
Anonymous wrote 2 weeks ago:
If someone want to lose weight very fast i can help you!! I lose 20 pounds in 8 days!! Let me now if you want too! 😉
farmboyphotography wrote 1 week ago:
That was great! Not sure it would be divine to hang out with Richard Simmons for eternity. Hopefully less working out is required in the afterlife, although the endorphins ARE rumored to be addicting. Good luck to you!
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