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Things You Say to Your Scale

The scale has a lot of power over us. It's like a religion - an object of worship even! The fact that it is inanimate doesn't seem to stop us from talking to it, though. I am thinking about some of the things I've muttered under my breath besides the obvious profanities when stepping on the scale.

The scale is like having a child.

I won't go as far as to say it's like giving birth, but it is a pretty painful experience at times. Like a new mother, once it births a loss, even a baby one, it's pretty exciting!

When there is good news from baby scale, it's "I love you baby."

With a new child in the house the real relationship work begins. You start to act like your own parents. The worse the report, the madder you get.

Here are some things you know you can hear yourself saying! (The following is an except from my book.)

Don't talk to me like that!

Don't make me come down there.

Show me onederland!

Just measure the part that's not water!

This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Someday, when you have offspring, you will understand.

Don't get married ever in your life. And tell that to your kids.  

I am going to stand here until I get the truth.... OK, lie to me and let's get this over with.

You're going to sit there until you give me the weight I am looking for. I don't care if you sit there all night.

Where are your clothes?

Keep your numbers to yourself!

No, I am not pregnant. 

Two zeros don't make it right. 

When I say no, I mean NOOOOO!  

Because I can pull your batteries out, that's why. 

Don't ask me, ask your manufacturer.

Stop playing Biggest Loser, and give me just one weight. 

If Tommy told you to go up to 350, would you do it?

Do what I say, not what I do. 

Wipe that smile off your dial, or I will. 

If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about. 

If you break your legs, don't come running to me!

So don't be an abusive parent. ;0

Thanks for the votes and comments.

52 votes + -

41 comments:

Hoppymom wrote 11 months ago:
You crack me up. I remember getting on the scale at the hospital after giving birth to a 8# 13oz baby and I stepped on the scale the next day while doing laps around the nurses station. It told me I was five pounds more than my intake weight!!!! I hit the tip of the scale and said, "LIAR!!!" The nurses cracked up. I was NOT amused. They were all saying how it was just water weight. I should have been much less given the big baby, the fluid, and the placenta. How could I be more? lol Not funny at the time though.
swat1948 wrote 11 months ago:
Today I am back to doing what I should after my vacation but my scale is broken, (Thank God). However I don't need the scale to tell me that the results would not be good. I just need to remember the clothes I can't wear now and look at that rear view in the mirror. (and the roll around the middle) How on earth can those of us who have reached our goals backslide? Well at least we have the tools to get back to where we should be. Thanks for another humorous blog and so timely. :)
izzybelle2013 wrote 11 months ago:
I tell my scale to stand in the corner until it is ready to apologize!
MonicaA2013 wrote 11 months ago:
HAHAHAH LOVE IT !!!!
TrishasTime wrote 11 months ago:
lol!
violetness wrote 11 months ago:
I regularly tell it to eff off. Especially when I am on a plateau and have been busting my ass for weeks to manage even 1 pound of loss. Then, I will weigh other things on it, to see if it can say something other than the same number I have been seeing for weeks. It's a coldhearted bitch and it doesn't care!!!!
rachelleahsmom wrote 11 months ago:
@Hoppymom - same with me! I weighed 154 when I went into the hospital. Gave birth, and weighed 160 when I was discharged. So not fair! And in case you think 154 is not too much, I am a pretty small person (if I didn't have all these extra pounds!). Also, my hubby - who happens to be 6 foot 1 - only weighs 160, so I wasn't about to weigh more than him!
Zync03 wrote 11 months ago:
I cannot say what I say to my scales on this forum because there isn't enough room for censored colourful metaphors. A trick I learned is to Convert pounds to kilograms. It's a smaller number :) Hope all of you are winning the war against the scales. Take Care
Laura80111 wrote 11 months ago:
Great morning smile from that one....I could hear my Mom and then me saying a lot of those....to the kids and to the scale :)
suffolkbobby wrote 11 months ago:
My scales shouted back..."ONE AT A TIME PLEASE!
joinn68 wrote 11 months ago:
I am in the phase of: If you don't start behaving I'll give you away!!
Anniepi66 wrote 11 months ago:
Gave birth to a 9# 8.5 oz baby boy. Weighed more when I left the hospital than when I went in. I told the scale it was a lying idiot and had no clue how to do its job!
Thanks for another chuckle!!
Sandahlrenee wrote 11 months ago:
I always weigh twice and ask.... are you sure? as if it will give me a smaller number.
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Anonymous wrote 8 months ago:
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also proudly say am a man when it comes to staying longer on sex.
I believe you too can get this super penis enlargement medicine from Dr Isikolo through his email: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com on or whatsapp: +2348133261196
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Anonymous wrote 7 months ago:
Hello viewers around the Globe, I was despondent because i had a very small penis, about 2.5 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr, OLHIA and i decided to contact him on his website i saw on the internethttp://olihawonderfulherbs.webs.com/ so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis Enlargement, Within 3 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and i had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend Ella, i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr OLIHA I also learn that Dr OLIHA also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement etc.. If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_hips_bums do get to Dr OLIHA now for help on his email {oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com} or whats app him number: +2349038382931
Anonymous wrote 7 months ago:
I would like to let all know that the size of your Penis really matters in your relationship or marriage. I got married to my wife about 1 month after we met on a photo studio, we lived happily for the first 3 months of our marriage until i and my wife started having quarrels at home because i couldn't satisfy her on bed with my little penis. Actually my penis was very small, it measured about 4.5 inch long on erection and i am 39 years old. My wife said it was forbidden by the women of this world. My wife started sleeping with other men outside. Sometimes i will return from work without finding my wife at home and whenever i call or ask her where she was, she will always snub at me and sometimes just tell me to go get a larger dick. All this continued for a long time and it hurt me so much that i was at the edge of breaking up on the marriage till when i read about a doctor called DR.Moses Buba. online. I never thought i could smile and be in a happy marriage again if not for the help of DR.Moses Buba. I got the doctors Emails:(buba.herbalmiraclemedicine@gmail.com ) on the internet and i emailed him, and he got back to me with some encouraging words, he got me some herbs cream which i use for just 8 days and i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, and without surgery. This went on for a little period of about 10 days and to my surprise my wife keeps screaming that she love my big dick now. Now my wife no longer cheat on me, and my penis is now about 10.5 inches long on erection and off course very large round. And now my wife uses breasts, hips and bums enlargement. I and my wife are very happy for the help rendered to me by DR.Moses Buba, and i want to say a big thanks to Doctor for the help. You can contact the Doctor now on his Email:( buba.herbalmiraclemedicine@gmail.com ) Am thankful to the doctor for helping me.


DOCTOR Moses Buba CAN AS WELL HELP THE FOLLOWING PROBLEMS
1. HIV/AIDS SPELL
2. HERPES SPELL
3. CANCER SPELL
4 IF YOU WANT YOUR EX LOVER BACK SPELL
5 IF YOU NEED A BABY SPELLhim to solve
6 LOW SPERM COUNT SPELL
get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve.
Anonymous wrote 6 months ago:
DR ISIKOLO HERBS MADE MY PENIS BIGGER AND THICKER.
Great thanks to Dr Isikolo of Isikolo Supernatural Home (isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com), for the great help rendered to me. i had penis enlargement problems before now, i had tried so many products but couldn't get the best results as i desired
it until i got to know about the super penis enlargement skills of Dr Isikolo. I was happy and relieved of my nightmares when i received Dr Isikolo super penis enlargement medicine at my home from the DHL, and i took the medicines as instructed, i was so amazed the first time i noticed that my penis was gradually getting bigger and also i was lasting longer on sex. I followed on with open eyes till about 4 weeks of using the
medicine when i noticed my penis was already 8 inches long. Now i can satisfy any woman in this world and
also proudly say am a man when it comes to staying longer on sex.
I believe you too can get this super penis enlargement medicine from Dr Isikolo through his email: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com on or whatsapp: +2348133261196
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Anonymous wrote 5 months ago:
DR ISIKOLO HERBS MADE MY PENIS BIGGER AND THICKER.
Great thanks to Dr Isikolo of Isikolo Supernatural Home (isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com), for the great help rendered to me. i had penis enlargement problems before now, i had tried so many products but couldn't get the best results as i desired it until i got to know about the super penis enlargement skills of Dr Isikolo. I was happy and relieved of my nightmares when i received Dr Isikolo super penis enlargement medicine at my home from the DHL, and i took the medicines as instructed, i was so amazed the first time i noticed that my penis was gradually getting bigger and also i was lasting longer on sex. I followed on with open eyes till about 4 weeks of using the medicine when i noticed my penis was already 8 inches long. Now i can satisfy any woman in this world and also proudly say am a man when it comes to staying longer on sex.
I believe you too can get this super penis enlargement medicine from Dr Isikolo through his email: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com on or whatsapp: +2348133261196
Anonymous wrote 5 months ago:
HOW I GOT HELP THAT MADE MY DICK BIGGER AND THICKER.
I feel happy to bring my personal clinical experiences regarding the Naturalis Penis Enlargement Treatment. I have been practicing for the last 9 years both modern medicine as well as herbal medicine in different cases. So far, I have not come across a product like Priest Aluta Penis Enlargement Treatment, until i contacted Dr ISIKOLO isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com which has shown very encouraging results in improving both sexual desire and function. I tested these products with diabetic patients particularly in whom sexual impotence is quite common. I found very good results in those diabetic patients who enjoyed increased sexual function and improved orgasms with the Naturalis Penis Enlargement Treatment. The herbs used in this formula have shown a positive effect on male sexual functions in terms of increasing desire and offering strong sexual enhancement. In addition, I found that product have shown a considerable increase in the tissue size of the penis and long erection irrespective of age. I feel that this formula can be recommended for those who need real sexual enhancement and better orgasms with a safe and natural effect. Contact him on Email: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2348133261196
Anonymous wrote 5 months ago:
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Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Hello, I am Theresa Williams After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: {drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com} you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other Case.

1) Love Spells
2) Lost Love Spells
3) Divorce Spells
4) Marriage Spells
5) Binding Spell.
6) Breakup Spells
7) Banish a past Lover
8.) You want to be promoted in your office/ Lottery spell
9) want to satisfy your lover
Contact this great man if you are having any problem for a lasting solution
through {drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com}
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Hello everyone. I was heartbroken because i had very small penis, not nice to satisfy a woman, i had so many relationship called off because of my situation, i have used so many product which i found online but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments about this doctor called Dr. OMOHAN and I decided to email him on: dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal cream for Penis Enlargement, Within 1 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 2 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer and strong. I'm so happy..feel free to contact DR OMOHAN on his Email: dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com or you can also call him on the whatsapp contact +2348164816038
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How I Got My Ex Husband Back........... I am Elena by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address salvationlovespell@gmail.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr. Paul . His email: salvationlovespell@gmail.com or whatsApp him +2349051441669
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Hello viewers around the Globe, I was despondent because i had a very small penis, about 2.5 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the INTERNET about this specialist called Dr,MOSES BUBA and decided to contact him on his email: buba.herbalmiraclemedicine@gmail.com) so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis Enlargement, Within 3 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and i had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend JOY, i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr MOSES BUBA I also learn that Dr MOSES BUBA also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement etc.. If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_hips_bums do get to Dr MOSES BUBA now for help on his email ( buba.herbalmiraclemedicine@gmail.com )..x,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
hello everyone i came across so many comments about Dr moses buba Penis Enlargement Medicine some weeks ago, though I had really wanted my penis to be large, long and thick,because i was not able to have sex with my wife..It was really affecting our marriage and my wife was about to divorce me. I had about 8.128cm – 3.2 inches before. Am really amazed on the fast results archived within 3 days of using Dr. moses buba Penis Enlargement Medicine. It work and now I have got 22.87cm – 10.5 inches now. And my wife love it more now, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, This went on for a little period of about 5 days and to my surprise my wife keeps screaming that she love my big dick now. And my penis is now 10.5 inches long on erection and off course very large round. I am very happy for this Penis Enlargement experience. He can help with all kinds of cure you may need as flows: email buba.herbalmiraclemedicine@gmail.com x,..................
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:



Thanks to { dr.obho } he is a great spell caster who brought my ex husband back

I want to tell everyone about my meeting with ( dr.obhogreatspell@gmail.com) who bring back my ex lover within the period of 2days... He has herbs to enlarge your sexual system to satisfy your partner. At these
moment i don't have anything to say than to appreciate the good works of dr.obho, who you can simply reach through this email address: (dr.obhogreatspell@gmail.com) He has herbs to enlarge your sexual system to satisfy your partner.

You can also reach me through this number for confirmation +19136084584
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Hello everyone. I was heartbroken because i had very small penis, not nice to satisfy a woman, i had so many relationship called off because of my situation, i have used so many product which i found online but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments about this doctor called Dr. OMOHAN and I decided to email him on: dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal cream for Penis Enlargement, Within 1 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 2 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer and strong. I'm so happy..feel free to contact DR OMOHAN on his Email: dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com or you can also call him on the whatsapp contact +2348164816038
Anonymous wrote 2 months ago:
hello everyone i came across so many comments about Dr moses buba Penis Enlargement Medicine some weeks ago, though I had really wanted my penis to be large, long and thick,because i was not able to have sex with my wife..It was really affecting our marriage and my wife was about to divorce me. I had about 8.128cm – 3.2 inches before. Am really amazed on the fast results archived within 3 days of using Dr. moses buba Penis Enlargement Medicine. It work and now I have got 22.87cm – 10.5 inches now. And my wife love it more now, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, This went on for a little period of about 5 days and to my surprise my wife keeps screaming that she love my big dick now. And my penis is now 10.5 inches long on erection and off course very large round. I am very happy for this Penis Enlargement experience. He can help with all kinds of cure you may need as flows: email buba.herbalmiraclemedicine@gmail.com
Anonymous wrote 2 months ago:
hello everyone this is real and i want to tell the whole world about
how DR OSCAR HERBAL CREAM and LIQUID helped me enlarge my penis size,
i have been trying since 23 years of age to enlarge my penis but none rendered
me the help i want i have used vaccine ,penis pump,surgery,online creams
from USA SAMOA,CANADA CAMBODIA and more but none of them enlarge my penis
i was really frustrated and tired of living because my penis was too small
,imagine a cute and handsome man of 38 years old like me having 3.5 inches
and to make it worse i was having erectile dysfunction which was so annoying
to me,my girlfriends have left me because of my small penis ....to GOD be the
glory as i was searching through the online for help on a facebook page i saw
one Mr john from USA testifying of how DR OSCAR HERBAL CREAM and LIQUID enlarge
his penis from 3 inches to 10 inches within two weeks of using his herbal cream..
so i quickly contacted him through his email droscarenlargementhome@yahoo.com and
message him and he replied me and gave me comforting words and He told me all i
need to do and i was surprise after one week of using his cream my penis enlarge to
7 inches and is now 10 inches long and very thicker i am so happy to feel like a real
man in the bedroom at last so if you need penis enlargement,breast enlargement,weak
erection,erectile dysfunction cure and many sexual relation cure do not hesitate to
email him now on droscarenlargementhome@yahoo.com
Anonymous wrote 2 months ago:
Good day readers, My name is
Perry Terry, I want to share this article to notify the general globe how DR MADOu helped me to enlarge my penis. My penis size was 2.5 inches when soft and 5 inches when erected and due
to this I was unable to satisfy my partner. I have being in great mess and have many of my partners had broke up
with me because of this. I tried several pills prescribed to me by medical doctors but none was able to help me, so
one day a came across a Great herbal doctor called MADOU a powerful herbal Dr and I contacted him, I explained
to him about my condition and he told me that he is going to help me. DR MADOU sent me an enlargement product
and when I received it, he told me how I to use it, after using it for just couple of days, I decided to see some
changes, my penis was gradually increasing in size and now am happy to say that I am having 10.5 inches when
erected and 8 inches when relaxed. I can now satisfy my partner the way I ever wanted and am very excited and
happy. Anybody in same line of condition with small penis or weak erection and ejaculation can also contact DR MADOU via the below bestherbalhome@gmail.com
All Thanks to DR MADOU for is help.
Anonymous wrote 1 month ago:
I would like to let all know that the size of your Penis really matters in your relationship or marriage. I got married to my wife about 1 month after we met on a photo studio, we lived happily for the first 3 months of our marriage until i and my wife started having quarrels at home because i couldn't satisfy her on bed with my little penis. Actually my penis was very small, it measured about 4.5 inch long on erection and i am 39 years old. My wife said it was forbidden by the women of this world. My wife started sleeping with other men outside. Sometimes i will return from work without finding my wife at home and whenever i call or ask her where she was, she will always snub at me and sometimes just tell me to go get a larger dick. All this continued for a long time and it hurt me so much that i was at the edge of breaking up on the marriage till when i read about a doctor called DR.OMOHAN. online. I never thought i could smile and be in a happy marriage again if not for the help of DR.OMOHAN. I got the doctors Emails:(dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com ) on the internet and i emailed him, and he got back to me with some encouraging words, he got me some herbs cream which i use for just 8 days and i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, and without surgery. This went on for a little period of about 10 days and to my surprise my wife keeps screaming that she love my big dick now. Now my wife no longer cheat on me, and my penis is now about 10.5 inches long on erection and off course very large round. And now my wife uses breasts, hips and bums enlargement. I and my wife are very happy for the help rendered to me by DR.OMOHAN , and i want to say a big thanks to Doctor for the help. You can contact the Doctor now on his Email:( dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail.com ) Am thankful to the doctor for helping me.
his whataspp number +2348164816038

DOCTOR OMOHAN CAN AS WELL HELP THE FOLLOWING PROBLEMS
1. HIV/AIDS SPELL
2. HERPES SPELL
3. CANCER SPELL
4 IF YOU WANT YOUR EX LOVER BACK SPELL
5 IF YOU NEED A BABY SPELLhim to solve
6 LOW SPERM COUNT SPELL
get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve.
Anonymous wrote 1 month ago:
Hello viewers around the Globe, I was despondent because i had a very small penis, about 2.5 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy a woman, i have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this specialist called Dr, OLHIA and i decided to contact him on his website i saw on the internethttp://olihawonderfulherbs.webs.com/ so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis Enlargement, Within 3 week of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 4 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and i had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend Ella, i was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr OLIHA I also learn that Dr OLIHA also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement etc.. If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_hips_bums do get to Dr OLIHA now for help on his email {oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com} or whats app him number: +2349038382931

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