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The Top 10 Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine's Day

Today is the day which Cupid unloads his quiver of love drunk arrows on mankind. Ever since Santa lost weight, he's been moonlighting as the Little Love Archer. Today in his honor, I am going to write about food, a popular topic her on MFP. You would think that we would be better off talking about something other than that which so easily besets us.

According to AlterNet, there are 10 foods that should increase the odds of you getting lucky. And today is the day to stop practicing, and mate!

Here is my anecdotal take on the top 10:

-10 Asparagus: I don't know what's in there, but I like 'em. As far as sex goes, I'm not thinking that my wife will appreciate the fiber, you know what I mean? Apparently they boost the production of histamine which helps with orgasms. I dunno, maybe if you have a cold it can help too. I think the best thing they have going for them is their shape. Possibly if you had a long enough one you could use it for a whip.

-9 Almonds: Now we're talking. I love almonds. If they were liquid, I would take a bath in them. Instead of tequila I think you can use them for body shots. I guess they were fertility symbols at one time. I am thinking without nuts, there isn't much chance, you know? The article says that it works best on woman; probably why I don't know

-8 Avocado: The Aztecs called the avocado ahuacuatl, or "testicle tree." After you stop laughing, think about all the uses it the pit might have. I think we are done talking about avocados.

-7 Bananas: The banana is no stranger to sexual activity. I was at a party once - never mind. Apparently if you eat them it increases the male libido. I think when I was a teenager it worked. I still eat bananas, but I guess I am immune to their effect now a days. I'd probably have better luck if someone else would eat it and I watched.

-6 Basil: Now I really like basil in my food. It is common spice in my house. But when it comes increasing the desire, I never thought of keeping a shaker of it in the bedroom. I guess the only drawback is if my wife says, "What's the in your teeth?" Until then, I think we'll stick to Channel No. 5.

-5 Chocolate: I am with you on this one. I like chocolate so much I would have sex by myself.

-4 Figs: Figs make me think of camels, and camels make me think of spitting - it's not working for me. And besides, Adam and Eve covered their privates with fig leaves. That's like having kids banging on the bedroom door.

-3 Garlic: It's good for your heart and your blood flow; it's the Viagara of the natural world! Now guys, if you can get someone to get close after eating it, you might be in luck. My wife said it would probably be better if I mowed the lawn and took out the garbage.

-2 Oysters: Anything that looks like the flu is suspect. I will admit, that this is my favorite food ever, and I am going to check to calendar to see how lucky they made me! I can assure you that it is not sushi. I put in a little extra wasabi in the soy once, and my wife lost her contact lens as it cascaded down her cheek. That was not lucky.

-1 Honey: Well, it is supposed to increase hormones which make us want to rip our mates clothes off! The problem at my house is that I can't get the stupid cover off it once it has been opened and we lose the desire if I have to go shopping.

I don't know about you, but I am going to take my chances with flowers, chocolate and a thoughtful card, right after I take out the garbage.
 
Thanks for the votes and comments! 

76 votes + -

24 comments:

annabellj wrote 102 months ago:
dare I say you forgot the cucumber? and whipping cream lol
Mustangsally1000 wrote 102 months ago:
I needed a good laugh! Thanks again! I can always count on you!!
bugtrain wrote 102 months ago:
LOL...Happy Valentines day!
felicity866 wrote 102 months ago:
5 Chocolate: I am with you on this one. I like chocolate so much I would have sex by myself.


laughed out loud when i read this one....hahaha
CharityEaton wrote 102 months ago:
So funny. Now, to put all of these items together for dinner tomorrow night.....you should have added a menu for us.
H_Factor wrote 102 months ago:
LMFAO! Great blog again.
edmoulaison wrote 102 months ago:
Love number 5...
Birdy wrote 102 months ago:
7 and 8 are hilarious.
jfrog123 wrote 102 months ago:
Oh, if my mind were not so warped. I had a clear visual as I read each one of these (and they were not all pretty, let me tell you). The people who are having a meeting in the next office must think I am a loon I was laughing so hard. I probably should not read your blogs at work. As always, this one was great.
Hungry_Tuna wrote 102 months ago:
"Chocolate: I am with you on this one. I like chocolate so much I would have sex by myself."

YES! You are too funny! I loved that.
GentlyLosing wrote 102 months ago:
The last line makes you the winner in most households! Just wash your hands after taking out the garbage! :)
czechsmate wrote 102 months ago:
Best blog yet...totally laughing out loud!
Jennicia wrote 102 months ago:
that was really cute! thanks for the chuckle!
JustLindaLou wrote 102 months ago:
uhm, I will never look at an avocado the same way again.... (My pastor maintains that it was not an apple that led Eve astray but an avocado...)
cfreema wrote 102 months ago:
HAHA! loved this entire post!
scapez wrote 102 months ago:
I'm eating a banana...just for you.
BrittSwimsJDRF wrote 102 months ago:
LOL! Happy Valentine's Day!
llahairdna wrote 102 months ago:
I wish I could vote for this a dozen times. So funny! And Happy Valentine's Day!
AshlLynnJ wrote 102 months ago:
hilarious! happy valentine's day:)
SixCatFaerie wrote 102 months ago:
Oh my... I knew there was a reason I love avocados so much! Hahahaha! Thank you & Happy Valentine's Day!
STARSHINE1975 wrote 102 months ago:
I had 7 out of 10 to eat yesterday and I didn't get none! I'm going to have to feed them to him tonight I guess.

And is it me, or does anyone else think asparagus is a bad idea if you are planning some fun time... seems stinky.
odditblue wrote 102 months ago:
Ohhhhh... that explains the very strange food arrangement my chef-hubby put together the other night... it had ALL of these! =D
kozziemoto1 wrote 66 months ago:
How does one vote? I can't seem to find anything to click, but I sure got a good chuckle here!! :-)
kozziemoto1 wrote 66 months ago:
Hmmm...I think it has to do with the up and down red and green arrows, but when I first clicked it before posting my comment above, it took me to another blog post, so I decided it must be a "forward/backward" link, but now I just clicked another arrow on the page that lists all the blogs you've written and it seems to have changed the number of votes, so maybe that really was it. Either I'm not as smart as I thought I was or they're not quite as user friendly in the voting arena as maybe they should be.... :-/

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