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Stop the Food Pushers!

Don't you just hate it when "no thank you" doesn't work? What do you do if those inconsiderate family members, friends and Type-A soccer moms continue to offer you food, suggest the worst restaurants, drinks and other deadly treats?

Well, here is an arsenal of snide remarks from my first book, which should stop them in their tracks. Feel free to mix-n-match. Gender options can be used as needed.

Them: You have to try it.
You: That's what they said about remote control underwear.
 
Them: I made it myself. You'll love it!
You: No thanks, I'd rather drink sour milk.
You (alternate answer): I make poop myself, but I keep that quiet.

Them: Here, have {some crap you don't eat.}
You: Did you check the package? I heard that was recalled due to E. coli.

Them: It's just once a year!
You: So are OBGYN visits and I am not sure I like the stirrups.

Them: You should have a beer.
You: No thanks, I am going skydiving at lunch and don't want to splatter on the roof of your wife's mini-van/husband's BMW, it might scare the hell out of the kids.

Them: Have another piece of cake.
You: So, I can look like you?

Them: One bite isn't going to kill you.
You: Unless it's cyanide.

Them: We have so many leftovers. Take some!
You: You are really going to give me the crap no one else eats?

Them: But it's your favorite!
You: No, running at 4 am is. Would you join me tomorrow?

Them: Let's stop at McDonald's.
You: You are what you eat, and I am not interested in being fat, cheap or passed out a window.

Them: You should have some {Name of some food item that your MFP friends will delete you over.}.
You: I am allergic to sugar, fat and sodium, but thanks for asking.

Them: Let's go to KFC.
You: I heard some one got a fried mouse there - pretty gross, right? 

Them: Have a piece of pizza.
You: I just saw the {name of the person most disliked in the office} sneeze on it. It's hard to tell with the broccoli, I know.

Them: How about a Margarita?
You: No thanks; I was looking for a José/Juanita about my age with ripped abs.

Them: Try some banana nut bread.
You: I can't, I am fasting for my colonoscopy. Actually I need to run...

Them: You are a vegetarian?
You: Yes, the only animals I eat are crackers.

Them: It's good for you.
You: Let's see *picking up the package* Bleached Flour, Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Hydrogenated Vegetable and Animal Shortening, Dextrose. Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, and Red 40.

I think you are wrong.

Them: If you don't try my dish, I'm just going to have to force you to eat it!
You: Is this food rape?

Them: This is to die for.
You: Last time it gave me raging gas and I was asked to leave the bait aisle at Bass Pro Shops.

Them: You should eat another serving of turkey.
You: No, thanks, it makes me fart and I sound like a tuba with benefits.

Them: You can go off your diet.
You: Think of it like this: I am speeding down a mountain road in Argentina; there are no guardrails. Would you tell me it was safe to go off the road?

Them: You don't look like you weigh too much.
You: Not on a scale of 1 to 10, no I don't.

Them: Here try some pork.
You: Was that once a real pig? It looks like your ex.

Them: We've got donuts in the break-room.
You: Is Michelle Obama on vacation this week?

Them: Looks like someone is obsessed with dieting…
You: I would say passionate about health. But what would you know about that?

Them: Come on, you only live once.
You: And when I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Thanks for the votes and comments. You guys are amazing!

Friend me for wise cracks, sarcasm and support on your news feed. 

13 votes + -

13 comments:

Anonymous wrote 3 weeks ago:
REAL AND EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND THAT WORKS WITHIN 11 HOURS. My name is Tracy Matt from USA. My husband left me for another woman and i wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
Anonymous wrote 3 weeks ago:
I want to quickly crave your indulgence and bring to your notice a powerful spell caster called Dr LOVE0 who in just 3 days of contact was able to bring back my lost love am short of words to thank him and i have resort to this medium of telling the world at large about him. His truly amazing and kind contact him today via Email: doctor0lovespell@gmail.com or check his blogs: https://doctorlovespell0.blogspot.com/ or visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa  .He is also able to cast spells like
1:Pregnancy Spell
2:Jail Release
3:Prosperity Spell
4:Lottery Spell
5:Cancer cure ETC......
Anonymous wrote 3 weeks ago:
How to Get Your Ex Wife or Husband Back Permanently No Matter Why He or She Left You”
My husband left me for another woman and i wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
Anonymous wrote 2 weeks ago:
EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL THAT MANIFEST WITHIN 24HOURS  

I want to quickly write on a Powerful Love spell Caster that helped me when i had a misunderstanding with my husband which leads to Divorced, I contacted this Powerful spell caster for called Dr jumba  help and I follow the step that he ask and within 48 hours my husband called me and was eager for my forgiveness and that he wished nothing more than to have me in his arms forever. I am filled with so much joy and happiness that I found Dr jumba  , I hope you all here will find this testimony of mine and get your husband back in just 24 hours. He did a perfect work for me. I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is anybody Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr jumba on His Email ID : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or text him on whatsapp : +19085174108  and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, Here is His website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com 
Anonymous wrote 2 weeks ago:
My name is mecca holmes, i live in UK. My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all.I came across several testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing, i also came across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Vera, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 24 hours, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email.After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 24hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever. DR LOVE0 you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him through his email: (doctor0lovespell@gmail.com) or contact his FB page:https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa or visit his website: https://doctor0lovespell.wixsite.com/mysite-2 or check blogs: https://doctorlovespell0.blogspot.com/
Anonymous wrote 2 weeks ago:
Am Laura Mildred by name, i was diagnosed with Herpes 4 years ago i lived in pain with the knowledge that i wasn't going to ever be well again i contacted so many herbal doctors on this issue and wasted a large sum of money but my condition never got better i was determined to get my life back so one day i saw Mr. Morrison Hansen post on how Dr. Emu saved him from the VIRUS with herbal medicine i contacted Dr. Emu on his Email: Emutemple@gmail.com we spoke on the issue i told him all that i went through and he told me not to worry that everything will be fine again so he prepared the medicine and send it to me and told me how to use it, after 14 days of usage I went to see the doctor for test,then the result was negative, am the happiest Woman on earth now thanks to Dr. Emu God bless you. Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542 
Anonymous wrote 2 weeks ago:
A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. JUMBA ) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX.I want to quickly write about a Powerful Love spell Caster that helped me when I had a misunderstanding with my husband which led to Divorce. I contacted this Powerful spell caster called Dr jumba  help and I followed the step that he asked and within 48 hours my husband called me and was eager for my forgiveness and that he wished nothing more than to have me in his arms forever. I am filled with so much joy and happiness that I found Dr jumba  , I hope you all here will find this testimony of mine and get your husband back in just 24 hours. He did a perfect job for me. I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is anybody Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr jumba on His Email ID : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or text him on whatsapp : +19085174108  and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
Anonymous wrote 1 week ago:
Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex Lover Back Permanently No Matter Why He Left” Dr.unity is a true and real Psychics He brought back my ex husband.
My husband left me for another woman, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
Anonymous wrote 1 week ago:
Are you going through a painful breakup or divorce? Win your ex-boyfriend, ex-girl friend, ex-husband, ex-wife back and keep them permanently. ” Dr.unity is a true and real Psychics He brought back my ex husband.
My husband left me for another woman, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .
Anonymous wrote 1 week ago:
A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. JUMBA ) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX.I want to quickly write about a Powerful Love spell Caster that helped me when I had a misunderstanding with my husband which led to Divorce. I contacted this Powerful spell caster called Dr jumba  help and I followed the step that he asked and within 48 hours my husband called me and was eager for my forgiveness and that he wished nothing more than to have me in his arms forever. I am filled with so much joy and happiness that I found Dr jumba  , I hope you all here will find this testimony of mine and get your husband back in just 24 hours. He did a perfect job for me. I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is anybody Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr jumba on His Email ID : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or text him on whatsapp : +19085174108  and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
Anonymous wrote 1 week ago:
A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME GET MY EX HUSBAND BACK
CONTACT DR JUMBA VIA WHATSAPP  : +19085174108
OR EMAIL HIM VIA : wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com
WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com  .
 I am overjoyed because my prayers have finally been answered,i have always wished to have my ex husband back,because i wanted my family to be happy again, until i met DR JUMBA who solved my problems for me, and i am sharing this testimony because i believe they are people out there who need solutions to problems like this. When my ex husband left me I was very much devastated and I always wanted back and it got to a period I no longer wanted him back again. After 7 years, my first son was 12 years old, he came home from school and said he was missing his father and all the love he showed when he was around him. The feeling rushed through me like an emotional straining and I had a huge urge to have him back. What happened to us that we separated was what I couldn't think of what started the fight. I contacted DR JUMBA online after reading about him of how he has been helping other people with their problems. I contacted his email at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com and I was able to speak with him. I am happy and very overjoyed that after 7 years, all I wanted was to be reunited with my family and make my life whole again. Thank God for this great and real spell caster DR JUMBA. and i want everyone who have same problem as i had to contact this great man at (wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com)or you can add him up on his whatsapp via +19085174108 , website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
and share your testimony with the world. blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/
Anonymous wrote 4 days ago:
Hi, am Kate Clancy from Norway. i just got my ex husband back through the help of Dr Unity love spells Experts. My husband left me for another woman, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 {or} Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,his website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com .

Dr unity can also help with spell like-
how to get husband back spell
how to win husband back spell
how to win my husband back from the other woman spell
get your husband back spell
save marriage after sepation spell
win husband back spell
win ex back spell
get ex back spell
prevent divorce spell
win him back spell
lottery spell

WhatsApp him: +2348055361568
Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com
Anonymous wrote 3 days ago:
A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME GET MY EX HUSBAND BACK
CONTACT DR JUMBA VIA WHATSAPP  : +19085174108
OR EMAIL HIM VIA : wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com
WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com  .
 I am overjoyed because my prayers have finally been answered,i have always wished to have my ex husband back,because i wanted my family to be happy again, until i met DR JUMBA who solved my problems for me, and i am sharing this testimony because i believe they are people out there who need solutions to problems like this. When my ex husband left me I was very much devastated and I always wanted back and it got to a period I no longer wanted him back again. After 7 years, my first son was 12 years old, he came home from school and said he was missing his father and all the love he showed when he was around him. The feeling rushed through me like an emotional straining and I had a huge urge to have him back. What happened to us that we separated was what I couldn't think of what started the fight. I contacted DR JUMBA online after reading about him of how he has been helping other people with their problems. I contacted his email at wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com and I was able to speak with him. I am happy and very overjoyed that after 7 years, all I wanted was to be reunited with my family and make my life whole again. Thank God for this great and real spell caster DR JUMBA. and i want everyone who have same problem as i had to contact this great man at (wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com)or you can add him up on his whatsapp via +19085174108 , website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
and share your testimony with the world. blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/

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