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Starting Over Again

Today I am starting over, again! It's the first time since I joined MFP in 2011 that I need a total overhaul of my lifestyle. I am really tired of getting up and feeling worn out, depressed, fat, and lazy.

It sucks.

I had a self assignment to get running, writing, and music back in my life. Today I am adding in food. I need to get this back under control. I am up 25 pounds and I hate it. I miss running and it makes me depressed. 

I miss being creative, I guess I am bored.

Sure, I have a lot going on. Doesn't everyone? I know there is no perfect life. Something is always off the rails - work, food, relationships, kids, and in my case, health. I have had my share for sure.

Yesterday I had my yearly colonoscopy.

It was my fifth one in 7 years. It is under anesthesia, therefore you need a ride home. I arranged that with a new friend in the area. He lives a few minutes from the hospital which in turn, is a few minutes from my home.

I got there promptly at 7:30, one half hour early as requested.

After the nurse asked me my name, she the asked where my ride was? What time will I be done, I asked?

"We can't begin until they are here." she said with a bit of a pissy attitude.

Well, she must have forgotten that I haven't eaten for 48 hours, not to mention I was up at 2:30 am to sit on the toilet for 3 hours. "What, you mean I need a babysitter? "Seriously," I retorted?

"We can't start until your ride is here." she said.

In my nicest Jesus-flipped-over-the-tables-of-the-money-changers  voice, I said, "Well, that is BS!" and dialed my friends phone number as I walked out into the hallway.

I came back in and sat down. I was going to be 90 minutes until my buddy could get there.

The nurse came out to ask if I was ready and explained they couldn't start until my ride was there. "It's cool, he's on his way." I said without looking up.

The snippy receptionist asked when my ride would be there. "On his way." I said while messing with my phone. 

The head of nursing came out to explain they couldn't start looking in my ass until my ride was there. "I know, I need a babysitter. I was advised." I said after her speech. (The papers and phone reminders only said I was supposed to have a ride, not that they had to be there during the procedure.)

The receptionist said they could do this without anesthesia. "Are you kidding? Hell no!" I replied.

"I can't even wipe myself without meth," I thought to myself.

The anesthesiologist came out to talk to me. She apologized for the delay. Then she asked me when my ride would be there. "As soon as possible. I'm sorry I can't fix this." I replied.

They started taking others before me.

I thought maybe I should be nicer to people who were going to stick stuff up my butt. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I would regret this day. I looked around the waiting room and thought about all those normal people prepping. It made me nauseous.

Finally my buddy showed up. They whisked me off to pre-op and stuck me in a bay. 

The nurse (and everyone else knew I was mad) so they all played nice. "That's a really awesome tattoo you have," he said. (It's a dragon and a tiger on my forearm.)

"I got it after my first assassination." I said without making eye contact. "I am just kidding. I got it after I ran the Tokyo Marathon."

Things moved along pretty quickly and I could feel the Propofal taking effect. It's a little game I play. I hang on to consciousness as long as possible. The last thing I remember is the nurses butt in my face as she turned around to adjust the classic rock.

Finally I am in recovery!

Another nurse start's talking like Charlie Brown's teacher. My buddy is there. Things start to become a little clearer. The nurse says she can take out my IV and I can get dressed and leave whenever I want.

She peels the tape from my arm and comments on my tattoo.

Then places the used tape on the sheet right over my crotch. I was at a loss for words. I was going to tell her about my tattoo. But this what came out. "Why are you putting tape on my crotch?"

My friend was laughing.

Just then the doctor came in to say what he found. "Just one polyp, and I doubt it is cancerous." I thanked him. Inside I was sooo very grateful to be colon cancer-free.

My gratitude was interrupted by a tug on the sheets above my man-parts. The nurse was removing the used tape.

When I woke up this morning, I started doing things that are hard for me right now. Writing this blog was one of them.

35 votes + -

3 comments:

kendallvon wrote 2 months ago:
as a former nurse, I understand what they were telling you and why (much of it is CYA). As a frequent patient, I understand your frustration. Congrats on just one (non-cancerous! :D ) polyp!
swat1948 wrote 2 months ago:
I can fully identify with your feelings. I'm recovering from a hip replacement. Have had both knees replaced and probably will need the left hip done as well. I guess I don't have to tell you how discouraging it is to know that you will never move in the same way and vigorous exercise that I used to be able to do will no longer happen. Then I think I should just throw in the towel and not try. But I am not like that. I will not give in. I will get up and move as much as I can. I can start walking. I will do that 5K, no I can't run...but I can walk. Just keep keeping on. Never say die. As long as I have breath, I will keep on moving in some way. Thanks for your encouragement.
2baninja wrote 1 month ago:
If you've had 5 in 7 years, how do you not know that your ride has to be there before they will start?

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