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Self-Imaging

Do you remember when you first thought about losing weight? I was very obese weighing in at just about 300 pounds. I am 6' 1" but, according to my cardiologist, I should be closer to 190.

And this is why BMI is BS. ;)

I have a picture that was taken when I was 33. I looked great in that image! I stopped looking in the mirror after 41 years. I even shaved in the shower. I always had that skinny me pic as a fantasy. I still do. When I did look in the mirror, I was depressed. I had more than let myself go.

I really wanted to be thin, so I got to work.

I lost 20 or so pounds pretty quickly. I dreamt of running. I started the Couch to 5k program. Then I had congestive heart failure. That set me back.

I didn't quit.

I kept on working out, eating less, and running. As I started to feel better, I also started to look better. My self-image was changing. It was an important step to accept where I was while I worked for a future goal.

I had never really examined my self-created body image.

Speaking of body images, I had to get up at 5:30 to be at the MRI center for 6:30. My priorities were coffee, food so I could take my pain medication, and well, not wearing anything metal. This was MRI number 6. I know the drill.

It's not that I'm going for a record, but if I was, I am off to a good start.

It's warm here today, and it was flip-flops, a t-shirt, and gym shorts. There is something wonderful about being able to go around in public wearing your PJs. Just one layer away from the bed.

I was slid into the imaging machine like an <insert metaphor here>.

I don't really like the tube. I close my eyes, listen to all the buzzing and clanking, and try not to hold my breath. They clamped my head in something like an S&M mask.

It was white and not black. No studs.

They put the whip in my hand (emergency buzzer) and left the room. I tried to fantasize about something other being stuck in an elephant rectum. Is this what it feels like to be an earthquake victim?

OMG, I have an itch!

I start praying and 30 seconds in, I am pretty sure God is mad at me for something, I mean here I am in a tomb thinking about S&M. 

Ahhh, images of my wedding to Ruth.

The beach. Click, bang, buzz. Now I am pretty much terrorized. It sounds like GANGNAM STYLE! "Oh, God!" I cried out.

"Are you OK?" came the voice from the tube.

"Just fine, sir. I feel good about myself"

Results next Monday.

36 votes + -

7 comments:

kendallvon wrote 1 month ago:
As someone who is in these tubes at least once a year, I feel for you. My MRI imaging place will give me headphones with our local radio stations piped in to distract from the pulsating and banging noise. Hope all turns out ok.
Anonymous wrote 1 month ago:
They said they didn’t use Music anymore because people word policy to it and messed up imaging
debk0718 wrote 1 month ago:
I'm claustrophobic, and HATE hearing I need an MRI. Thankfully I've not endured many, but I'm in full freak out mode once inserted. In regards to body image, I've always had the complete opposite. Even after dropping weight and being in more of a "normal" range I still look at myself in the mirror and see what I was for much of my life....FAT. I'm not sure I'll ever get passed what I see in the mirror, and that may or may not be a good thing. Thanks for your post!!
hroderick wrote 1 month ago:
I try to remember, it could be worse and even though I can't always choose the situation I can always choose my reaction to it.
lorrainequiche59 wrote 1 month ago:
EEEEK!! Not something I'd want to have done. NOt like there'd be a choice if it was needed. Can't they tranquilize you?? Some kind of sedative that will get you in a chillax mode so you can drift off even. Hoping for good results for you.
Ritseeniyah wrote 2 weeks ago:
I hear your pain, yet this sound poetic. Great writing skills. Kept me in tuned.
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