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Life Changes and Body Parts

I don't know about you, but facing health-related facts is not all that easy for me. Facing my limitations is a bitter pill some days.

Getting older is easy; don't die.

Yesterday I was at the orthopedic surgeon. He is my shoulder specialist. I also have a spine - well specifically a cervical specialist. If it was a comedy routine, it would be Abbot & Costello.

"Who's on first?"

"That right."

Where is the pain coming from? The shoulder guy says my neck. The neck guy says my shoulder. In the meantime, this has been going on for months.

Can't they just do surgery or something?

The good news is that I am being referred to a physiatrist who will do guided injections in my spine. It looks like I will be out of work for the rest of the year.

All of this got me to thinking about body parts; ones which I could live without.

I am thinking no matter what, I need a spine. The shoulder - eh, not so much. Since I came to MFP in 2011, I have had a few body parts disappear altogether.

You might have heard a few of these before, but it's worth mentioning them again. When our body parts become infused with fat cells, they change shape and sometimes usage.

- Spare Tire: The obvious protruding belly. The problem is that for some of us, it's a spare tire for a Boeing 747 jetliner.

- Love Handles: This is the fat around the kidney area which keeps us from escaping a hormone-fueled mate or attack dog.
 
- Prayer Shelf: A belly large enough to fold your hands and rest them comfortably on when you sit.

- Double Bubbles: Men or woman with two boob bumps from wearing a bra that is 2 sizes too small.

- Groin Blobs: Genital covering to protect us from 3-foot-two-inch children. Just above the chub rub.

- Arm Danglers: Sometimes known as the reverse biceps.

- Expansion Tank: The are fat blobs that seem to show up in unusual places - if you have them, you know what I am talking about.

- Ring Roll: The little rolls that keep your rings so secure they can't be removed. The upside is you can't lose them in the garbage disposal.

- Intake Port: Your mouth. When you change your relationship with food, it becomes a way to savor good food and enjoy it.

- Trailer Brakes: The fat on your backside that hangs over the chair edge so you don't slide out.

- Man Boobs: Boobs on a man.

- Chin Coaster: 2 or more chins.

- Cankles: Calves and ankles combined.

- Pants Pockets: They look like pockets when you are not wearing pants. If they have stretch marks, they are zippered pockets.

- Cup Holder: A navel vortex. Mine could have easily held a double shot glass.

- Talons: Unclipped toenails because you haven't seen them for a few years.

- Fat Fingers: Used to type 2 or 3 keys at a time.

- Muffin Tops: A blend of belly and hip fat created by tight waist-ed pants or belts.

- Junk in the Trunk: Just means it's a bad idea to wear a thong.

It's OK to laugh at yourself. If you are new on MFP, these are the body parts that can be amputated by proper diet and exercise. In my case, it took a serious illness. I could not do this without medical help and support from all of you.

For those of you that have lost some weight, you know what I'm talking about.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

34 votes + -

6 comments:

kendallvon wrote 3 weeks ago:
even though I'm not a man (last time I checked, at least), many of these hit home... Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Thanks for this!
ksharrell48 wrote 3 weeks ago:
I, too, can relate to many of these "spare body parts" that I can easily live without!
Also I was thinking your neck/shoulder pain has similarities to another friend's situation. He was having increasingly severe shoulder pain and thought it was residual pain from rotator cuff surgery, until neck x-rays revealed bone spurs in his neck vertebrae. Anyway, I hope the spinal injections help you. All the best as you train for Tokyo!
lorrainequiche59 wrote 3 weeks ago:
I'm wondering if you've ever considered Chiropractic treatment? As an alternative therapy? Often conventional medical doctors are at odds with Chiropractic treatment & vice versa. It would be nice to see more cooperation between the two practices. At least it gives a person more options.

I am not advocating just wondering. I've been helped tremendously through chiropractic, but I'm not saying you will be...I'm not a pro nor do I know your exact health issues. Just curious if you've been that route.

Hope you get some needed relief from your pain.
dsjohndrow wrote 3 weeks ago:
I have. I go each week.
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HIV/AIDS

{2CANCER

{3}HERPES

{4}DIABETES

(5}HERPERTITIS B
SheilaCali wrote 1 week ago:
Your post had me rolling (pun intended), then I read the post above mine. Herpertitis B? Wow, a thigh slapper for sure. A double laugh today? Time well spent. Laughter is great medicine!

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