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I Need a Break!

I think I deserve a break in life, but I guess am not going to get one - yet. Today is rather emotional for a lot of reasons - I am hanging on as I work from home - in my underwear, which are clean.

It's the little things.

For over three weeks now, I have had persistent headaches; some so severe that I went to the Emergency Room twice. Round one's diagnosis was viral - well after they gave me a CAT scan and ruled out an aneurysm or stroke. There was a battery of tests for tick- and mosquito-borne diseases. So, I left with painkillers, a $100 co-pay, and not much else.

No answers. All tests negative.

Round two this last Sunday came up with a very different diagnosis. Cervicalgia. It sounds sort of like a nonsense word from a Mary Poppins song. I had all the symptoms right down to night sweats and pain so bad it made me nauseous. They took cervical x-rays. Son a gun, some of those poses hurt like hell!!

I'm though, but this one beat me.

I now have new medication (steroids) to fix me up and I'm continuing the Nsaids. I also have a referral for an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in spines and neck injuries. I have been this route before with both my knee and my shoulder. Steroids, PT, probably an MRI and who know what else they'll want to do after that.

I am tired of the chronic pain.

I have been running as much as I can despite the weather and the headaches. I am even tired of thinking about much of anything. My head hurts. Last night I sat down to relax. There hasn't been too much of that lately if you have been keeping up with my escapades.

I rarely watch the news anymore.

I got a weather alert about flooding in our neighborhood on my mobile. We flipped on the TV and then checked with the neighbors. They filled us in on the details of living on the waterfront. We made a plan for the cars in case the parking lot flooded at high tide. It made for shallow swimming and bathing for some local birds the day before.

Then I received another alert: the governor proclaimed a mandatory evacuation for us.

I didn't even get to sit for an hour. My wife and I packed and made arrangements with some friends to get to higher ground. We also booked a hotel just in case. That was a fiasco on the hotel site as they were "sorry you just missed it" one after the other. Trying to find one close, not too expensive, and on high ground. I was really on the edge.

I was angry. My head was pounding. My wife talked me off the ledge. I got it done.

Laying down, I decided to read a little. I needed to do something. I found this article about myocarditis. "My Flu Symptoms Almost Led to Heart Failure." I had it in 2011. I spent a week in the cardiac intensive care unit.

I confess, I broke down.

Then my Apple Watch displayed the Breath app. I wanted to throw it in the f&^%ing ocean. I had another call for work, then I went an lay down again. I did breath -

I still need a break.

Today is 9/11. I knew families of some of the those lost. I missed my run in the 9/11 Memorial Park today. I am sad about.

The sun was out, but now it has started to rain. Soon it time to get in the car and head out.

9/12 - I didn't even get this done. The good news is that the forecast has gotten better and, although we are still leaving, it looks like primarily a rain event with some local flooding.

I have a few doctors appointments, and I am considering a leave of absence from work. I just want my life back.

57 votes + -

20 comments:

Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
Sending positive vibes. ~ Nita (not sure why it won't let me log in.)
bluesrockerman wrote 3 months ago:
Sorry to hear about your troubles! If anyone deserves a break you do. You've been such an inspiration to so many of us over the years. Have faith and look for any positives you can find. Stay strong friend!
dsjohndrow wrote 3 months ago:
Thanks, guys.
barneshall wrote 3 months ago:
Oh,good grief you are having all the bad luck once again.I feel for you,and hope things improve...soon!
jennifer_417 wrote 3 months ago:
In the time we've been friends on here, your life has been upended more times than most people can handle. It's ok that you feel overwhelmed and just need a break sometimes. ((hug))
pizzafruit wrote 3 months ago:
The words "I'm sorry" don't seem close to conveying what I'm feeling for you. You always face your challenges head on and come through more determined than ever. I have every faith that this challenge will be no different. Prayers and healing thoughts for you.
hroderick wrote 3 months ago:
You've got clean undies and a compassionate wife. That's a great start to build on.
nuffer wrote 3 months ago:
You have lots of MFP friends and admirers. That likely won't eliminate the pain, but I hope it helps make it tolerable.
kendallvon wrote 3 months ago:
I don't know what to say except "I'm sorry that you're going through this mess". May Apollo physician help to heal and guide you through this difficult time.
Laura80111 wrote 3 months ago:
With all the things you have had happen in your life this is just another small bump in your road. You have this, keep on your path and I'm sure you will see a straight road ahead. Thoughts and prayers for you.
Willardpcook wrote 3 months ago:
Sounds very difficult especially the chronic pain. I wish I could help. I think you should be proud for showing up and expressing yourself. I think that is good.
debk0718 wrote 3 months ago:
Keeping you in my prayers that they can determine exactly what is causing your headaches so they can get you treated correctly. I'm glad Florence weakened and you'll mostly see rain, but also some flooding. I know you don't need a reminder, but He gives us only what He knows we can handle. He'll see you through all of this.
brittvshows wrote 3 months ago:
I kept gritting my teeth as I read this. Everyone has said all the right things above. I'm not really a religious person, although not saying I don't believe in a higher authority...but I have to admit, I believe I am witnessing a Saint in the making.

Hold tight, if possible. All of us are holding tight for you. And if there was a way for me to become like that alien in the very first Star Trek series in the 60s, I would. She (the alien) absorbed others' pain to give them relief. I'd do that for you in a heartbeat. We all would! Can't wait for the day you are pain-free again. Hugs.
BexB42 wrote 3 months ago:
I sometimes tell my kids my chronic pain means I am alive. I think it is to stop them from worrying. I wish yours would ease up, but the mind-body connection when we are stressed disallows it. I have noticed my back and neck and shoulders tighten when I am stressed. Wishing you the best, hoping you go home to a damage-free home. Oh and those co-pays... ouch!
^v^
Wysewoman53 wrote 3 months ago:
I had to look up Cervicalgia because I didn't know what it was. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else. I'd ask a whole bunch of doctor-y questions but since I'm not a doctor, I won't and besides, I'm sure the real doctors have already asked you every question possible and they do have your records right in front of them. I just hope you get relief from this soon. I am also sorry about the evacuation situation. It surely doesn't help with all the other stress with which you deal on a daily basis. I don't know where, exactly, you live but hopefully the flooding from Florence won't be too awful bad where you are since you are close enough, it appears, to throw your phone into the ocean. You take care, relax as much as possible and both you and your wife take care until all of this is over. Maybe you both can go in for massages after you can return home and such a place is not under water. Hang in there!
Aplant77 wrote 3 months ago:
You have definitely been through a lot :( I am positive that you will get through this, just as you have gotten through all the other crap life has thrown at you. Take it one breath at a time...
Jezreel12 wrote 3 months ago:
Be strong! You’re not alone.
kacdragon wrote 3 months ago:
You have been strong enough for all of us! Everyone needs a break - even from their own expectations. So take aa deep breathe (make that several). Realize how special you are to those who need your honesty, and know that the prayers of many are with you every moment of your day. Praying this week is better than last and that you and your head are friends.
tonyrogers19 wrote 3 months ago:
Hi, My name is Tony and I live in Adelaide Australia and I had a really bad work place Injury where I was nearly killed when a 650 ton Excavator hit the side of my Dump Truck while loading it causing the top of the door frame, (which is a roll over protection system made of solid steel), to smash into the left side of my head knocking me out and because I was in a Gold and copper Mine in the middle of the desert I had to be Air lifted to Hospital by the Royal Australian Flying Doctor where I have since been diagnosed with 5 badly damaged vertebrae on the left side of my neck, damage to my elbow, but worse of all I've acquired a brain Injury which also comes with a heap of complications like not being able to wee, not being able to have sex, skin disorders, leg swelling just to name a few but most of all to get back to what you are talking about is I've had a head ache since the day I was knocked out and nothing and I MEAN NOTHING can take away the hounding, piercing, draining pain that saps the life out of me and I can only imagine the same for you David. There are days when I have to lock myself in the bedroom with total silence and complete darkness and lay as still as I possibly can until the screaming pain goes. It's so bad that the vibration of my voice even hurts when I speak to give some Idea how #^*ked up this head Ache business is for people like David and myself that suffer this chronic and debilitating Illness. All I can offer mate Is that you are not alone in thin planet even though it feels like it when Hell is the only thought on your mind while the pain is present but some how time passes by life goes on and we manage as best we can and that all we can do my friend. I have been having seizures which are another thing all together but gee wiz mate I've certainly taken a different view on things since they have started because I certainly feel alone in this battle. Anyway good luck and keep punching and you never know you might find Dr freak one day and he or she may find a cure for you and in my dreams for me hahaha. Cheers mate.
22dlopez wrote 2 months ago:
you dont need a break what wrong with you

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