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Down a Few

I hope you all had a nice holiday! Mine had many great moments. My wife and I celebrated our second anniversary at the inn where we were married. We had most of our kids, the big family dinner, Friday brunch, and the lobster massacre Friday evening before making our way back home.

There was a lot of food!

The good news is that I didn't eat a lot of it. For dinner one night, my wife and I split a burger with no bun. It came with roasted mango and Brussels sprouts. For Thanksgiving, I had two slices of turkey and a few carrots.

The new meds and nauseating pain have a way of taking away your appetite.

I did my best to find times to lay down. It wasn't always easy. I have had no pain medication of any kind for about two months now - not even Tylenol or Motrin. I do have a TENS unit. That helps. I am due to see pain management this week.

I am glad to report that I am down a few pounds!

I am also trying to find a way to look at life. Do I use positive words? Do I use negative words? Is it OK to complain? I certainly have a lot to be grateful for. I work hard at not dwelling on what could go wrong. (no one could have dreamed this up!) Life has challenges for everyone. Tomorrow has its on difficulties and I will manage those when I get there.

The way I see it, if the cup is half empty, it’s because it’s the wrong size!

I’m also not afraid to admit things suck sometimes. When I moved last year, I had everything going for me. Newly married, dream home, good job, I was beating cancer and in pretty good health. Three days after we moved I woke up in pain. I’ve been in pain everyday for over a year. I have tried just about everything. It’s a little surreal.

I heard chronic pain changes the cortex of the brain.

I keep looking for answers and I have made some progress. I still run a little, I still try, I still make the best of each day, but I also need to acknowledge the sadness I have over losing such a large part of my life.

Thanks for being on the journey with me. I hope you'll still be here when I hit my goal weight, again!

25 votes + -

11 comments:

kdbulger wrote 2 months ago:
I'll be here. Wishing you nothing but the best on the path to figuring it all out.
BonnieHosk85 wrote 2 months ago:
Hoping things can get figured out with the pain management appointment. I went through a rough period where I was basically in bed for five months. It's under control now but pain is horrible and I truly hope it ends soon for you.
Blessings,
Bonnie
jyarring wrote 2 months ago:
Praying for you daily and will be here.
marlown wrote 2 months ago:
Brings tears of empathy and sadness and also inspiration and admiration. Thanks for sharing the good parts and acknowledging the not so good. I don't know how you do it, but please keep doing it. It helps many of us!
kendallvon wrote 2 months ago:
You are someone who inspires me to be the best I can be, no matter the situation I am facing.Blessings!
solieco1 wrote 2 months ago:
I think of you often and send thoughts for a good day even when you don't know it. I'm so sorry you've gone through this and wish I had any answer. The best I can do I think is just be here and continue to wish you well. I'm looking ahead to the day you write us and say "nothing hurts". <3 <3 <3
ploomka wrote 2 months ago:
Thank you for sharing your ups and downs. Your outlook and perseverance are an inspiration to me. Praying for you!
ShellyMacchi wrote 2 months ago:
simply leaves a hug... inadequate as it may be in this online/inside world.. but in the outside world (some people refer to it as the 'real'* world) you better believe I am sending the warmest hug and energy your way!

* 'real' world - my feelings about it:

I just cannot refer to the world outside of mfp/online as the 'real' world as so many people do.
To me, there an inside world and an outside one, but both exist in the same place, as I am 'who' I am in both versions of this world. They are simply 2 sides of the window that is my world.

Personally I find I am able to be more 'real' here in mfp (at least as far as health / weight / food / emotions / how i feel about life & living goes) as people 'here' understand, so I don't need to try to be strong all the time like I feel I do in the outside world.
Whether I am successful in being strong there or not varies by the minute - and when I'm not successful in the outside world, I feel more stressed [totally self-induced] by feeling like I am letting everyone down.
Here, inside, we are surrounded by those who understand, inspire and empathize - who don't roll their eyes and sigh every time we feel the need to talk about feeling weak, or 'wanting', or simply needing support and understand!

We use mfp as a substitute counsellor at the best and worst of times, and everywhere in between... and if that's how we get through another day of fighting for our health.. then yay us for recognizing the opportunity to do so, and yay mfp for providing us with that venue! :)

You sir... rock!
runningforthetrain wrote 2 months ago:
I check in now and again to see how you are. Sad to hear you are in pain. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you. Hugs.
brittvshows wrote 2 months ago:
Will always be here, always hoping for the best for you. Even when I don't comment, I am still here on the sideline cheering you on. In a world with few heroes these days, you rank as my hero.
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