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Denial Plus

Today I am feeling like crap after 32 injections in my head. I have been more depressed than when I started MFP in 2011. Back then I had hope for recovery from congestive heart failure. I have spent over a year trying to get to the bottom of this f#^%king headache. However, I have committed to writing something every week. Today it is about denial.

I can't just continue to give myself permission to fail when it comes to food.

I wish the MFP app wasn't such a piece of crap, I might even log my food.

You know that you are in denial when:

- The doc says you need to lose weight, and you think, I don't look that bad.

- Your insurance company gives you $600 a year in savings for doing their health rewards program and you think about all the food you could buy with it.

- You buy a selfie stick to get the best aerial shot for your Facebook profile pic.

- You say that if God had wanted you to exercise and touch your toes, He would have put them higher up on your body.

- Your favorite pants don't fit, and you blame your spouse for washing them in hot water and then drying then on high.

- You go to the coffee shop and tell the cashier the coffee is for you, and the donuts are for your pet Fighting Fish, when the truth is it's the other way around.

- You go to an "all you can eat" restaurant or buffet because you have invested in their stock.

- You eat whatever you like because you get a lot of exercise - pushing the buttons on the remote.

- You heard that there were two pieces of cake in the fridge, and think how sad it is that you missed one.

- Instead of looking at the size tag on clothes, you look to see if it has elastic.

- You kick the scale, well, because it's a scale damit.

- All your vacation photos at Disney were taken at the Food Court in Epcot Center.

- You get flowers and chocolates from an admirer and throw the flowers out.

- You eat because, well, your mouth wasn't that busy at the time.

- You are out of breath just thinking about exercise.

- You go to weddings because the cake is free.

- You tell yourself this is the last pizza... today...

- You try to do a push up and discover that a number of body parts have not left the floor.

So this has been pretty much me. There are no excuses left except that I haven't tried in a number of months. I am no longer on the meds, the headache which doesn't change if I workout, I have no physical restrictions, and now it is up to me.

Thanks for the votes and comments.

Friend me at your own risk.

59 votes + -


BonnieHosk85 wrote 2 months ago:
Hang in there! Sure hope things start looking up for you very soon!
kendallvon wrote 2 months ago:
So sorry you're feeling like poo. Really sucks monkey balls. I hope things get better for you soon! Namaste.
norrisski wrote 2 months ago:
You have been through a lot so sometimes it is okay to have a pity party, just don't stay there for long and don't party with food. No excuses and you know that exercise makes depression better. So grab hold of the reins and get up and go at whatever speed you can which is better than doing nothing at all.
ShellyMacchi wrote 2 months ago:
Sure wish there was some madly inspiring, funny, uplifting thing I could say or do to help ease some of the pressures you are under, both those beyond your control, as well as those that are within it.

As you so well know.. all we can do is control the things we CAN control.

It sure is a royal pain though when at times we are just so worn out from the coping with the 'beyond our control' stuff that we have no energy left for the other stuff.

If i could share some of that missing energy with you, I sure would... thing is my own energy seems rather 'intermittent' in nature, but I would still share what there was of it, if I could.

But... we don't give up... right? *hug*
Kimmotion5783 wrote 2 months ago:
"- Your insurance company gives you $600 a year in savings for doing their health rewards program and you think about all the food you could buy with it."
I can't help but laugh because I would have thought the same thing, that is so me!

But seriously, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. Hope you feel better very soon, hang in there buddy! I enjoy reading your posts, they are uplifting.
joanthemom8 wrote 2 months ago:
My life insurance company gave me an (almost) free Apple Watch. As long as I continue to be active, I do not have to make any payments on it. That has been very motivational to me (You can't eat a watch, lol).
I'm sure you keep hearing "hang in there", but please do! I wish I could say something else more helpful.
texteach66 wrote 2 months ago:
And yet you're still hear, through the pain and struggle, sharing yourself with us. Thank you for that! I don't have any wisdom for you, but I want you to know that you are an inspiration. I hate when people tell me that, but it's true. I wanted you as a friend here because of your longevity - it's a goal of mine to still be here, keeping the weight at bay and finding new challenges, for years to come.
FitGirl_Running wrote 2 months ago:
Here's to toes out our belly buttons!
brittvshows wrote 2 months ago:
Your blogs haven't been popping up on MFP for me lately,so I jumped with joy to see this one flash up.

Was so hoping your health had returned to a normal, pleasant existence. Just the fact you are still able to write with such wit is amazing.

Cheering you on with all my heart. Hang on, hang on! We're here for you and blessed to be inspired by you.
Thehardmakesitworthit wrote 2 months ago:
Well, shit, first let me say, I was so relieved, seriously, to see that you posted. Your absence from the blog is felt by this stranger. Second, all I got for you is: your now does not have to look like your then and your then was different than your now and your today is your only today and while your now feels so far away from your then, the only thing that matters is your today. So put on your shoes, a warm coat and move your ass, breath deep (unless it hurts) and wander....if only for the now of today. Tomorrow your today self will smile that you did not just lay around thinking about "then" while regretting the buffet. You are extraordinary Mr.
Dootzy1 wrote 2 months ago:
Why did your writing spur me on to listen to George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass."? Ah, because the lyrics are spot on!!
ronjsteele1 wrote 2 months ago:
I am so glad to see you writing again! I have wondered many times how you are. I really want to encourage you to look into homeopathy for your headaches. It's been the best medicine that ever entered into my family's life. It can truly bring relief where other things don't. I have a fabulous homeopath if you're ever interested. For sure, a good homeopath is like a good doctor - few and far between - so interview them well. All the best as you get back in the way of health.
LINIA wrote 2 months ago:

"Your favorite pants don't fit, and you blame your spouse for washing them in hot water and then drying them on high."
LAT1963 wrote 2 months ago:
Injections of.....botox for migraines?

I am sorry your head hurts and nobody has found a solution for your pain.
LAT1963 wrote 2 months ago:
Injections of.....botox for migraines?

I am sorry your head hurts and nobody has found a solution for your pain.
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