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Converting the Heathen

In the beginning of your fitness journey (Come on, we all mean weight loss, who are we fooling.), there is a lot of self-doubt and insecurity surrounding your ability to make this whole thing happen. Two days in you get mugged by a donut in the break room at work and your shopping cart automatically turns down the cookie aisle. Stage 1 is hell.

Then there is Stage 2 where you trip skinny people on the escalator because you are jealous.

If you stick with it until Stage 3, a light goes on. Like the time you walked an hour to earn 320 calories and ate it back with two Girl Scout cookies!

The transformation begins to happen; you start to notice what everyone else is doing wrong when it comes to their food and exercise. New reformers are a pain the butt to those around them. I know I was.

Here is some stuff I would say/do when I was in Stage 3:
- When I saw someone pouring a gallon of Ranch dressing on their diet salad I would say, "I've been to Hidden Valley and they have live stock - umm which poops - I am not sure if that is what those little black specs are."

- When the party next to me at Golden Corral is eating a tray of baby back ribs I would be tempted to say, "Did you know that pork is supposed to be cooked until it reaches an internal temperature of 160 degrees F? No, it's true."

- When I see someone drinking Diet Coke I would speak up and say, "Did you know if you leave a penny in that stuff overnight it will shine like new in the morning? And if you do it with a couple of quadrillion pennies you could make a shiny dent in the national US national debt."

- I would sit in the drive-thru at McDonalds and scare away business with fake vomit on my car door or put fake cow patties at the entrance to Burger King.

- When I would see someone at the salad bar filling their plate with bacon bits and croutons, I just sneezed in their direction. "You probably should get another plate."

- At Thanksgiving I would drop the gravy and the mashed potatoes on the floor for the dogs. "Sorry folks, just turkey, green beans and creamed onions which no one eats anyway."

- At Christmas I bought everyone new underwear that was one size too small.

- I put vitamins in a Ghirardelli bag and resealed it at Walmart.

- I put celery and carrots in trick-or-treat bags on Halloween.

- On date night I night I pretended the car ran out of gas in front of Whole Foods.

- At the dentist I would wear a fake tooth and talk about chocolate in the waiting room with the other patients.

- Post recipes on Facebook.

Nah, not really - well except for the recipes. I am shy, so you are safe.

So what do you do to convince others to try your way of life?

Thanks for the votes and comments (you can do both)!

50 votes + -

26 comments:

sherry0614 wrote 10 months ago:
Well, I'm still at Stage 2, so now I'm looking forward to the fake vomit stage - yeah, baby!!!!
izzybelle2013 wrote 10 months ago:
You never disappoint!
aliciaaw wrote 10 months ago:
Can't wait till I get to stage 2& 3. As all with I enjoy reading your blog. Need to get to that mental stage that I need to lose weight for myself and my health.
TrishasTime wrote 10 months ago:
You make this journey to a healthy life extremely interesting
Thankyou!
bmeadows380 wrote 10 months ago:
I must be in stage four, because now I just keep my opinions to myself because I'm tired of the family giving me an eyeroll and listening to my father and sister's complaints when I try to cook healthy for them or my mother's little comments. It makes it harder to keep on track since they don't support my efforts, but so far I haven't started gaining back. And once I'm back into my own place, it will be easier - and hopefully I'll survive the holidays and find some new motivation come New Years!
Wysewoman53 wrote 10 months ago:
I must be at Stage 4, too, because I see all these people around me going with this fad diet or that one, joining Diet Centers such as Monarch or Jenny Craig, getting food delivered by Nurisystem and Marie Osmond, all in the hopes of a 'magic' cure for overeating and overeating unhealthily and I say nothing because I know for some of these people, it's what they need at the moment to get started. I am all for anything that will get people started on a healthier journey to weight loss and therefore a healthier lifestyle. I love it when people ask me which 'diet' I'm on and I just tell them a healthy one with portion control and foods that are good for me, inside and out. I also tell them I eat whatever I want and for those who didn't know me BEFORE my weight loss, it is hysterical to hear them say: Well, look at you. You're one of those who can eat whatever they want and never gain a pound. IF ONLY THEY KNEW! Lol! Try explaining 'Willpower' to someone and they immediately start thinking negative instead of positive. It can be used both ways and I have CHOSEN to use it in a positive way. Oh, the looks I get! If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I was one of the 'lucky' ones....
Strife_Jones wrote 10 months ago:
Lol! This made me giggle!

If I walk past someone and they are eating donuts (or anything unhealthy) I would quietly whisper to my husband "POISON" ... technically they are putting poison into their bodies.

I walk outside during my breaks at work instead of just sitting in the break room. When someone at work offers me chocolates I politely decline and say something like "I just walked off 100 calories in my break, definitely not putting them back in with that chocolate" LOL!

One of the young guys at work had 2 double sausage McMuffins with TWO Fanta orange drinks for breakfast and then went ahead and ordered a large pizza for lunch and had some cake! I added up all the calories for him (over 5000) and since then he has been eating healthier at work ... whahahahaha
JnineGains wrote 10 months ago:
STAGE 4'S UNITE!!! LOL
Bughunter99 wrote 10 months ago:
Does telling the family, "if you don't like it, the stove is that way-knock yourself out" Count?

Signed Stage 1: Day 1 and online looking for dinner ideas that don't suck
Teli2017 wrote 10 months ago:
reading this i just light bulbed what i'm doing right now hahaha . MFP's turned me into a walking food calculator.

my long suffering husband is an absolute angel for supporting me!

always enjoy your comments, thank you!
Amanda_Brit_Expat wrote 10 months ago:
Hahaha thank you! Enjoyed reading this so much! I don't have any funny ones to share unfortunately, but I am that pita on facebook groups who will comment on a pseudoscience 'wonder cure' with "Awesome! Can you just link to the scientific study that back this up pls? Many thanks xxx"
Yes, I can be a bit of a jerk...
JeromeBarry1 wrote 10 months ago:
To convince others to try my way of life, I go about my life being slim. My relatives knew me when I was fat and they were slim. Now it's reversed and they want to know why.
LisaMariaCallow wrote 10 months ago:
I post a lot of selfies, recipes, above I've got a wellness inspired page!
Namaste_Life wrote 10 months ago:
Love, love, love this!!! Thank~you for the laugh (because much of it is true) this morning :-)
Anonymous wrote 10 months ago:
Testimony On How My Ex Come Back.
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ILoveGingerNut wrote 10 months ago:
you made my choke on my dinner :)
Anonymous wrote 7 months ago:
My names is Cathy i want to testify about the great spell caster called Priest Ade my husband and i have been married for 5 years now we don't have a child and the doctor told us i can't give birth because my womb have been damaged due to wrong drugs prescription this got me so worried and my husband was not happy so he decided to get married to another girl and divorce me i was so sad i told my friend about it she told me about a powerful spell caster she gave me his email address well i never believe in it that much though i just decided to give him a try and he told me it will take 24hrs to get my husband back to me and i will get pregnant i doubted him the 3rd day my husband came back to me and was crying he said he didn't want the divorce anymore 3 weeks after the doctor confirmed that i was pregnant he can also help you Email him at ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com WhatsApp +2347059715465
Anonymous wrote 5 months ago:
i have been in relationship with my boyfriend for 2 year now and we were planning to get married soon and all of a sudden he left me for another girl, i really love this guy and never can imagine my life without him. I further tried all my best to get him back but all my effort to get him back in my life did not work out. It was on this faithful day, i came across some comments on a website about this great spell caster called Dr Azuka, so many persons claimed that he help them to renew their relationship and bring their ex back, i had to contact him because he was my last hope. I contacted him through his email and he assured me that in two days time my boyfriend is going to leave the other girl and come back to me and it was a very great surprise to see my boyfriend coming back to me after two days. I am so very happy today that he came back to me and i achieved this with the help of Dr Azuka, and i advice if you need his help too, you can email him on his direct Dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com or contact him on whats App him +2348132777335



Anonymous wrote 4 months ago:
'After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call Whatsapp him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS'
Anonymous wrote 2 months ago:
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Anonymous wrote 1 month ago:
My name is Handford Ann,i base in canada.i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my ex-lover of my life back, he left me for another woman for no reason and i try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and i love him so much and there is nothing i could do to get my ex back until i met a testimony share by Maria from USA on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought his ex lover back within 48hours and i decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Maria and i have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one i met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem i have no solution to,i introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems,and their problem were solve with the great help of Dr.Trust. They get back their ex within 48 hours. I am so happy that my ex is back to me again,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Trust. If you have any problem in your relationship i will advice you to contact him now (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) His website for more testimony of him: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com Call or Text him now +1(317) 762-7416
Anonymous wrote 1 month ago:
My name is Handford Ann,i base in canada.i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my ex-lover of my life back, he left me for another woman for no reason and i try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and i love him so much and there is nothing i could do to get my ex back until i met a testimony share by Maria from USA on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought his ex lover back within 48hours and i decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Maria and i have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one i met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem i have no solution to,i introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems,and their problem were solve with the great help of Dr.Trust. They get back their ex within 48 hours. I am so happy that my ex is back to me again,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Trust. If you have any problem in your relationship i will advice you to contact him now (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) His website for more testimony of him: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com Call or Text him now +1(317) 762-7416
Anonymous wrote 2 weeks ago:
MY HUSBAND IS BACK WITH THE GREAT HELP OF DR SAM LOVE SPELL

My husband was flirting with another woman. until he vanished away, I was desperate to get him back, I wasted so much time and money trying to get my Husband back, I tried almost all possibilities to have him back and nothing worked. I became lonely. To make it short, I found a spell caster Dr Sam. I saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonials, I decided I had to try and give it one last try and After the spells, a miracle happened, my husband came home. It was awesome, anyone who needs help, should email him (Supremespellcast@gmail.com Or Supremespellcast@yahoo.com) Or whatsApp him on these number. +2347087462033..You can read more about him on his website and contact him: http://supremespellcast.website2.me his blog> https://supremespellcast.blogspot.com
Anonymous wrote 1 week ago:
Contact Dr. Sam at supremespellcast@gmail.com if you want to get your Husband, Wife, Boyfriend and Girlfriend back now and regain your happiness.

My name is Lisa Amy. I am really pleased with this service Dr. Sam render to me. I am one of those people who said, “I’ll never call a psychic or a magician or whatever” to help me with my problems – least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this man called Dr. Sam I never in a million years would have thought I’d be writing a letter like this, but when I nearly lost Andrew in one of our stupid, fights (he broke up with me), I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.I read a testimony by a man called Taylor Borg about him saying that how Dr. Sam helps him to get back is EX wife within 48 hours.I quickly email him. He did a (Lover spell) for me. 48 hours later, my (Ex-Boyfriend) came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal and our love is now stronger that he can't do without being with me. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again. Dr. Sam is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. And when I was at my most desperate, he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! Andrew and i are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to Dr. Sam email him for any kinds of help is very capable and reliable for help. you can visit his Website Via> http://supremespellcast.website2.me Or his blog> https://supremespellcast.blogs

Email him {supremespellcast@gmail.com or supremespellcast@yahoo.com}
{WhatsApp: +2347087462033}
Anonymous wrote 1 week ago:
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EMAIL ADDRESS [OGUDUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM]
WHATS-APP NUMBER +2348106058254


It all started last year May when my husband visited Switzerland for a Programmed which lasted for two months, When my husband returned home i noticed some changes in hist character towards me and the kids, Everything i do to make him happy he gets irritated and nags at random, leaves home and comes back late, Sooner he seek for a vocation alone to Switzerland again which i granted thinking that will make him happy but to my greatest surprise i never knew that was the end of our marriage if not for Dr Ogudu the marriage savior, Sincerely i was so crushed when my Husband of 6 years left me and moved to Switzerland to be with another woman.The pains was just too much for me to bear that I couldn't just bear it anymore. So i had to reached out to the Internet for help until i found out that Dr. Ogudu was the real deal.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work for me, which you have guaranteed me positive result in 48 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was remorseful for the whole lot he has done And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. All thank to you sir you contact him via email and website now

[OGUDUSPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM]
whatsapp number +2348106058254

Anonymous wrote 18 hours ago:
I want you all to join me to thank the great man that help me to restoring my relationship with my husband who dump me for another Girl for 3 months, at first i never believed Dr. omohan, will be able to help me win him back from this other Girl because i still love him and i need him back in my life, i worked and follow his instruction and it surprises me that after working with him, my husband called me and ask me to forgive and forget the past that he still love me and that was how my husband came back for good. So with this great work done for me by Dr. omohan, Email him dromohanspell@gmail.com i promise to always share his good work to the whole wide world and if any body is out there passing through any relationship difficulties should kindly contact him via email: (dromohanspell@gmail.com), or Whatsapp him +2348164816038} once again thank you

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