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Advice to My Younger Self

When I came to MFP, I wanted to lose weight. When I had congestive heart failure (despite a few months of hard work), I wanted to be fit and run 5Ks. If you have read my blog at all, you know that I got cancer.

Disease changed my view of healthy and of fit.

If you haven't been sick, you don't know what it's like to get bad health news. The stages of grief start with shock, proceed to denial, and progress through anger, bargaining and depression.

And then there is the bargaining with God.

He and I are buddies, so it was a lot more about self-reflection. It wasn't really anyone else's fault (besides my parents who gave me bad genes and dressed me funny in grade school.)

I had to blame myself.

I was the one who smoked for a long time. I was the one who sat in a desk chair and rarely got up. I was the one who took every bite of food which made me obese. Sure, it snuck up on me in my 40s and tried to kill me in my 50s.

I had to stop making excuses and start a plan of action.

I am creature of habit, so I had to make some strict rules. Yes, I eased into the better eating over a few months. Well, until I ended up in the ICU. I had no idea what was actually good for me. I didn't know about Superfoods or the healthy crap that wasn't healthy. I was hoping for a quick fix and a fad diet.

Counting calories worked.

Today, I have a lot to be grateful for. I am also facing some big changes. Ruth and I have to move. Facing the end of our lease with no renewal was a shock. I still don't have cancer test results from last week. The work/life balance has been hard for us. We are looking at options.

For today, I just want be as healthy as I can.

I am pretty fit, could stand re-lose 10 pounds, and get faster for my marathon. If I had life to do over, I would have taken better care of myself.

The good news is that I feel pretty good, I am no longer depressed, and well, everything still works as intended.

72 votes + -

8 comments:

tammydave2 wrote 3 months ago:
I hope everything works out for you in the near term. And you are so right about the hindsight is 20/20. Only we can't have a do-over. We only have from now-forward. Living your life better than you have in the past and setting a good example is a pretty darn good thing. You have alot to be proud of!
brookielaw wrote 3 months ago:
Here's hoping for positive results in the form of negative for cancer and a new, happy, permanent home with less stress. It's kind of funny, and not hahah-funny, that you can reduce your risks by losing weight and then still get the diagnosis, and still have to walk on eggshells for however long (probably life). I remember when the doctor told me that I had cancer (granted, it was only 5 months ago) and then asked me if I had any questions all I could say was "yeah, doc, I've got a question. You didn't know me before, but I was super-duper morbidly obese...like with a BMI of 66 or so...and now I'm this healthy, barely overweight girl in front of you. So I've done everything I can to get healthy right? And now you're telling me I have cancer? Isn't that just a kick in the dick?" I think I'm stuck on the depression phase right now, although I fight it with all my might. Keep fighting!
BobbyDaniel wrote 3 months ago:
I am privileged to be walking through this with you my friend!
runningforthetrain wrote 3 months ago:
Praying that you will find a home that you both like more than the current. God bless you & hope you find the strength for life's continuing challenges & that the test results come back favorable. Either way you are loved.
BexB42 wrote 3 months ago:
I hope your move will be a blessing in disguise. I have to move abruptly and unexpectedly, but I refuse to see it as a tragedy. New opportunity may be what I needed. And to BrookieLaw, I hope your cancer gets its ass beat! That is NOT fair. Depression sucks, it has eaten up a lot of my life. I refuse to let it have my last 20 "young" years. It still wins some days. I am rooting for you all. We deserve the best, let's stop settling! :)

^v^
creimonenq wrote 3 months ago:
You are inspiring. No matter what challenges we are faced with, we have to keep going. God will give us strength congrats on weight loss goals and 5k run, you can do it!
Anonymous wrote 3 months ago:
When God closes a door, He always opens a window. Look for the window (opportunities).
Arlene Wilson
kirsten11872 wrote 3 months ago:
Good luck! I wish you all the best!

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