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My last big summer?

I don't like summer, can't stand the warm weather and all the outdoor activities. I love autumn and winter. The colder months are perfect for big people like me. Then I can hide my body under layers of cloth. In the summer time that's not possible, that's when the truth comes out -so to speak. 

Finally, it's warm outside, the temperatures are in the high 80's, and everybody around me is in a good mood. Summer is just around the corner.

Shorts and tank tops, sandals and flip flops. They look beautiful on other people but not on me. I am a sweaty mess during the warm months and being in full blown menopause is not helping either. The slightest movement will make me break out in sweat, and I walk through the day like a total mess. Rashes, rubbing thighs and baby powder, all the things we don't like to talk about. 

I admire people who can wear all the beautiful cloth, the ones that you can only find in regular sizes. I still remember. Breezy summer skirts and shorts, t-shirts and tank tops, bathing suits and bikinis. All of it is so far out of reach for me.

I have shorts in my closet, and I avoid wearing them. I look ridiculous, and I know it. Even when I was in total denial about my size and weight, I knew that some things just look hideous on me. I see the looks people give me; I am aware of my surroundings, and I see my reflection in the mirror. 

Last night I went through my closet, looked at all the clothes in the very back that I haven't worn in years. 

And then it hit me. This could be the last fat summer for me. I couldn't help but chuckle when I realized it. I tried a pair of flip flops on, sat on my bed and stared at my feet and felt like a five-year-old girl who had just gotten a pair of glass slippers.

I wiggled my toes and started giggling even more. Next year I will be able to see them when I am standing up. That's only one of the goals. My 2X clothes are loose now, and soon I will tackle the forgotten 1X treasures that I couldn't wear for many years. 

This has to be my last big summer, I want this so bad. There is no turning back now. I am too far in my journey but then I watch people slipping away and I get scared. 

I will try and wear my "big" summer clothes with pride this year. Let the world see me, even if I will be a sweaty mess because this older lady here is on a mission. 

They can talk behind my back and stare at me because next year they will look at me in admiration and they will say. "Look, that's the fat lady from the corner. Man, she has lost some weight."

"Sum...sum...summertime" bring it on; I am ready and this year I will even take some pictures, so I will never forget about it. 

37 pounds lost, so close to 40. 




160 votes + -


marymcgee54 wrote 13 months ago:
You have every reason to be proud! WTG!
joanthemom8 wrote 13 months ago:
Go for it! It IS in reach for you! :)
EllieBellie79 wrote 13 months ago:
I am so proud of you. You are doing wonderful!
skinnylady2014 wrote 13 months ago:
Great, honest article!! For me, I have found I can feel and look summer-y and sexy in pretty sandals or brightly colored flip-flops with bright toenail polish even when paired with jeans or a long flowing skirt. I can feel your excitement and determination. Your articles are helping me!! Thank you!! 😝
FriendsForFamily wrote 13 months ago:
I love your thought process. It's very powerful.
Premed100 wrote 13 months ago:
This I can relate to. Last summer was my last fat summer!! I have always loved summer but in recent years have felt the same as you, preferring colder weather to wrap up in big baggies.
My favorite is a big black baggie hoodie. Having lost nearly two stone since Christmas I am now starting to wear shorts & tee shirts & am enjoying the compliments from people who see yhe results of my my huge, enormous efforts & say "have you lost a bit of weight" to which I modestly, "Yeah, I think I might have lost a few pounds"
LINIA wrote 13 months ago:

I will reward myself when I lose weight:

10 pounds- my reward will be an Orchid.
20 pounds - my reward will be the garden statue I saw on amazon
30 pounds -my reward will be crazy tennis shoes
40 pounds - my reward will be a terracotta pot for the herbs
50 pounds- my reward will be the Kindl paperweight
60 pounds - my reward will be the peacock lamp I admire
70 pounds - my reward will be the Freddy Mercury Collection
80 pounds - my reward will be shopping in a normal store
90 pounds - my reward will be a new hairstyle with fun highlights
100 pounds - my reward a special weekend with my husband

Good Luck and if you REALLY want this, you'll continue working towards your goals. Hugs & all the best! 😀
sarajoellen wrote 13 months ago:
I know what you mean about not wanting to wear the summer clothes. However, here in Texas, it is unavoidable. I know I get ugly looks and snickers behind my back. So what? They are not walking in my shoes. They aren't the ones lugging around this extra weight. If the only thing they can talk about is me and how disgusting I may look because I wear shorts in public(how dare I!? After all I am fat, and shouldn't I be hidden away? Nope. Not anymore), then so be it. It is their mind and soul that is stingy, not mine. I deserve to be comfortable, just like they do. This is going to be my last fat summer, but I am not focused on what 'they' think. I am focused on ME!!! My friends are all behind me, and they are the only ones that warrant any consideration as to what they think. I would love to wear cute flip flops, but my feet are too broken down to do it. My arches are pretty much non-existant, and after the mess with my foot, I am going to be in a tennis shoe for a very long time. That doesn't mean I won't be able to paint my toes again-some outrageous color, even. Besides, out here on the farm, flip flops are not very practical. Ever get a sticker between the toes? OUCH!!! I also know what you mean about the old clothes that you are going to be getting into. A whole 'new' wardrobe that is already paid for. Hang in there, my friend. You are doing great!
kpc0116 wrote 13 months ago:
Keep up the awesome and inspiring work on you and the words you share. Your clarity is your key! You've got this!
musicsax wrote 13 months ago:
You are doing brilliant and your determination since through. I remember those days of a whole
new wardrobe hidden behind the larger clothes that were the only one I could wear. I'm looking forward to hearing how you find the "new clothes". Enjoy!
mfeamster wrote 13 months ago:
Great reframe for something you dislike- instead of beating yourself up and thinking negative thoughts, you turned it into something positive, motivation toward you goal. Inspiring words, and great attitude! Best of luck with your continued journey toward health and I hope that you can find a way to fall in love with summer.
dontgobacktosleep wrote 13 months ago:
I hope you feel the warm sun on your skin and realize being a certain size isn't your admission fee to enjoy it. You DESERVE to feel joy when that sun hits your body, big or small. Although I will say last summer was my last fat summer, and I kept all the shorts, etc but now none of it fits lol. So I'm still in the same boat, nothing to wear :P Stay positive!
pizzafruit wrote 13 months ago:
Your blogs are so honest; everyone relates. I always come away with "food for thought"and the hope that I too will come to the healthy mind set you have adopted. I don't know what's harder - getting rid of those demonizing negative thoughts we all seem to experience or staying true to the commitment to get healthy. My sister once observed that in every family picture, I'm always in the back row. I told her it was because of my height. She told me to stop hiding, to stop measuring my worth by my weight. Nothing like a direct hit to get one thinking. Please continue to share, I look forward to your inspiring words.
mizzbugsy wrote 13 months ago:
I love reading your blogs. They say what I think. I finally bought bermuda shorts this year. They are long enough to cover my thighs so they don't rub together. Thankfully, here in Northern California, we are experiencing an unseasonable cold this spring, so I haven't worn my "it's warm out" clothes much. I am plugging along, losing weight, looking forward to seeing what my mind and body can do this year! We've got this, girl!
OldPunkGirl wrote 13 months ago:
Yeah! You go Girl!
bellagirltravels wrote 13 months ago:
Your blog hit me so hard. I could FEEL your emotion through what you wrote and a lot of it, I could and DO relate to. I know you and everyone that really wants it can make it happen. No matter how hard the goal seems. I have struggled with my weight for my life it feels. I just did a sort of purge with my closet but there were still those specific things that I kept looking at thinking "maybe I could....maybe one day". Why is "one day" never TODAY?! Lets do this NOW and make it happen for us. A different life. I am with you. Let's do it girl!
04hoopsgal73 wrote 13 months ago:
Admire your honesty, thanks for sharing. You seem ready and dedictaed to move forward. Let's go!
cyndblackburn wrote 13 months ago:
GREAT post! Don't give up, my fat sister. (Can I call you that? Next summer, I won't be able to!)

Take one of those favorite items of clothing out of the back of your closet and hang it up someplace where you'll see it every day. Imagine that soon, you'll have lost more weight, and work up the courage to try it on...and it doesn't fit. Because--you're two sizes too small for it! ;)

You can do this. Keep writing. :)
Clody80 wrote 13 months ago:
Thank you for sharing. Very relatable. I look at pictures of myself a summer or two ago and even though I still have a fair bit to go, feel so much better now. Just bought my first 2 pairs of shorts in years and actually dare wearing them outside. You'll be there next summer and stroll with pride! Much love
chriskemmings7454 wrote 13 months ago:
I love this post. it's so inspiring to me.
Please make sure you post a photo before and after, when you dress for the summer. I have lost 30lb to date. I cycle to exercise and it makes me feel good.
I've been buying cycling clothing and I think I look good, until I ride passed a shop window and see my reflection from it.Then I remind myself that i'm doing this for me and f**K anyone who has negative thoughts about me and my size.

You have a great summer. x
texanbeautie wrote 13 months ago:
I love this post!!! So glad you shared this. Very inspirational. I was watching a woman jog while driving with my daughter yesterday and I mentioned that I was proud of the woman. My daughter asked if I knew her. No, actually I don't, but I know that she is heavy-set, she jogs faithfully after work every day I see her as I drive by and I have seen her transformation in her size, clothing and confidence. So little do you know, that ppl may snicker, but there are some of us who do not know you but are rooting for you all the same!!!
jenilla1 wrote 13 months ago:
Go, girl!
janierios48 wrote 13 months ago:
I just want to hug you! Keep doing what you're doing, you are so worth it. Sending lots of love and hugs!
martymid wrote 13 months ago:
I didn't "get" the title until I started reading. It hit me like a bolt of lightning, yeah, this can be my last "big summer"! Thank you for this perspective and congratulations to you!

Summertime Summertime by The Jamies
jconway498 wrote 13 months ago:
Congratulations and thank you. You have given me inspiration. I have been going at this with a whatever attitude and a woe is me attitude. I am going to get serious and this fall I am going to rock some serious shopping! Yes I will put on a bathing suit but this is the last year this cutie will fit me.
Love your attitude and thanks for the kick in the butt, lol.
Ming1951 wrote 13 months ago:
I fully understand and I'm in my mid 60's. But last September I began counting calories and walking. I was just about 225 up or down a lb. or two. I cut out soda and r replaced it with water, 64 oz. I couldn't drink a coke after all that water. Dropped cream from my morning coffee, and followed a low calorie meal plan that gave me one small snack a day plus lots of green veggies, some raw carrots and remade frozen meals. Today I hit a 70 lbs. loss. So you can do this! I could nearly walk 1/4 mile, by early April this year I was up to 5 miles per day and at a brisk step. Then I had total knee surgery so I am recovering from that but on way way up to stepping 6-8000 steps per day. I am so happy. I occasional have a slip but mostly when we are celebrating a birthday or holiday so thats ok..mostly I now plan on my calorie intake and if I over indulge Imake up for it the following day. Not good to do though, LOL I am so proud of you! Keep up the work and every day that goes by you will feel better and better.
mortoluv wrote 13 months ago:
Way to go!! Your story is such an inspiration and extremely motivating. You will make it.
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luvluv1234 wrote 13 months ago:
Thanks for another great blog! I'm right there with you! This will be my last fat summer as well! We can do this!!!!!
Snowflake1968 wrote 3 months ago:
You are so inspiring, I found you yesterday on the blogs, I'm new to reading them. I have had to go back to last January and start reading all of yours. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.

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