Message Boards » Fitness and Exercise

TOPIC: When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!

 
Ic_disabled_photos
Topic has been inactive for 30 days or more and images have been disabled.
Display All Images
May 1, 2013 7:56 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

I want to be fit. I befriend people who are fit and who listen to fit people. They've got to be doing something right and hopefully I can soak up some of that knowledge and if it is delivered frankly without qualifiers to cushion the blow, even better.

It's non-fit people who get butthurt when fit people say, 'hey there, you're doing that wrong, do this instead' that are the issue. It's like some people don't want to help themselves or let others help them.


QUOTE:

One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"



This is not constructive criticism. Whoever this guy was wasn't trying to be helpful. He was being a being a douche.


I fail to see how this was douche-y. Honestly, I don't.

It really is mind-boggling to see someone say they can't manage to eat 1200 cals but yet they are significantly overweight. Maybe that comment set off a light bulb for someone.


As I stated previously, significantly overweight people at a higher quantity of unhealthy food. Personally, I've found that in my 10 weeks on here, eating foods that are healthy for you and actually fill you up consist of less calories... which for me makes it a bit harder to reach my calorie goal.


Foods aren't healthy or unhealthy without context and dosage taken into consideration, with the exception of possibly synthetic trans fats.

And it's pretty rude for people not to follow standard forum procedure of first searching to see if a question has been asked before prior to creating another thread on it. I wonder if anyone has ever asked if they can't get all their cals in what they should eat :/
May 1, 2013 7:56 AM
QUOTE:

"Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?"

That is a valid observation, it's not hostile, and it doesn't merit you telling that other user, who is also a person with feelings, to "shut the **** up".


Yup. Uncalled for, and a good way to discredit herself with her own words.
May 1, 2013 7:56 AM
I loved your post! It was totally on point!
May 1, 2013 7:56 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

I want to be fit. I befriend people who are fit and who listen to fit people. They've got to be doing something right and hopefully I can soak up some of that knowledge and if it is delivered frankly without qualifiers to cushion the blow, even better.

It's non-fit people who get butthurt when fit people say, 'hey there, you're doing that wrong, do this instead' that are the issue. It's like some people don't want to help themselves or let others help them.


QUOTE:

One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"



This is not constructive criticism. Whoever this guy was wasn't trying to be helpful. He was being a being a douche.


I fail to see how this was douche-y. Honestly, I don't.

It really is mind-boggling to see someone say they can't manage to eat 1200 cals but yet they are significantly overweight. Maybe that comment set off a light bulb for someone.



^^^ I agree!!
  16556021
May 1, 2013 7:57 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:


That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.

No, the internet is nothing like real life. It does give someone a chance to talk crap and be degrading towards others out of cruelness without being face to face confronted or with little to no repercussions of their actions.


You've never met my sister- I love her, but she's mean, even in real life... sad
  8751653
May 1, 2013 7:57 AM
QUOTE:

Personally, I've only had one person say something directed towards me. But I've been noticing it a lot more lately in the threads that I am reading.

Ever hear of Sarcasm? Your personal interpretation of what you read is effected by your current emotional state AND your expectations. Grow some skin, maybe? After all, you truly have no clue what the poster(s) are meaning at the time they posted.


QUOTE:

SHUT THE F*CK UP.

In my opinion, you should heed your own advice. Negativity breeds negativity. You reap what you sow....and so forth

QUOTE:

The point is, they're here and they're trying to change their former habits. ENCOURAGE them and BE SUPPORTIVE. No one needs or wants your negativity. If you lack that decency, then find somewhere ELSE to be with other vain people like yourself. This is a place of support.

Vanity is defined by those who place it in others.

QUOTE:

Well, that's my rant for today.
(Edited for a spelling error)

Rants give no support for improving health and fitness.
Edited by EatClean_WashUrNuts On May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
  27185297
May 1, 2013 7:57 AM
QUOTE:

i dont get why more people just dont google things....read up on things then try out different things

instead of asking strangers what works all the time


Who wants to do all that work? They're already starving and doing 2 hours of cardio a day! Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
QUOTE:

ENCOURAGE them and BE SUPPORTIVE.


But....why should I encourage and support something that isn't healthy, and that will probably end up harming them in the long run? I won't do that.
  17431946
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
QUOTE:

Are most posters here women?

I have been using MFP for years and don't usually come for the forums. Just made that observation looking at a couple threads including the replies to this one.


I'd venture to guess the most annoying questions are from women. Men rarely post about not being able to eat enough, set some ridiculous low calorie goal, and complain when their spouse is losing more weight then them (despite differing genetics).

Oh and there are probably more women on here.
Edited by ldrosophila On May 1, 2013 8:00 AM
  17474508
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
QUOTE:

It really bugs me that even on a FITNESS website designed to help people LOSE WEIGHT AND GET IN SHAPE, the ones who are in prime physical condition are extremely rude and degrading toward the people who aren't all the way there yet. But at least they're doing something about it rather than just sitting at home!! Those people need to find another way to feel better about themselves rather than putting people down.

Personally, I've only had one person say something directed towards me. But I've been noticing it a lot more lately in the threads that I am reading.

For example the one I just read, the girl was asking if she could be concerned about dramatic weight loss because she was only eating 1200-1300 calories a day rather than the recommended 1700 some odd calories. One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"

SHUT THE F*CK UP. Yeah, people that were bigger ate a bigger quantity of unhealthy food. GET OVER IT. They're trying to change and be healthy. I know from my 10 weeks of being on here that when I eat healthier foods that are good for me and fill me up, I find it difficult to even get to the 1200 calorie goal and end up around 800-900/day.

The point is, they're here and they're trying to change their former habits. ENCOURAGE them and BE SUPPORTIVE. No one needs or wants your negativity. If you lack that decency, then find somewhere ELSE to be with other vain people like yourself. This is a place of support.

Well, that's my rant for today.
(Edited for a spelling error)


Apparently some that are not in prime physical condition can be rude and degrading also.
Edited by _Timmeh_ On May 1, 2013 7:59 AM
  11265904
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

ENCOURAGE them and BE SUPPORTIVE.


But....why should I encourage and support something that isn't healthy, and that will probably end up harming them in the long run? I won't do that.


Exactly. I will not support someone who is intent on harming themselves. That's complicity - and morally reprehensible at best to do so.
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:


That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.

No, the internet is nothing like real life. It does give someone a chance to talk crap and be degrading towards others out of cruelness without being face to face confronted or with little to no repercussions of their actions.


When I was on vacation a couple of years ago, my daughter accidentally bumped into a smaller child in the pool. His father grabbed my daughter by her elbow and began to publicly berate her for her weight, when I tried to discuss the problem with him, he referred to me as 'big mama'. You're right. The Internet is not like real life. I find total strangers on the Internet to be FAR more respectful than bullies in real life.
  7030416
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
QUOTE:

I think the world just needs better parents. If there were, their kids wouldn't be such arrogant, entitled, rude, (insert numerous other names here)... brats. :)

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Far from it, actually.

(I found out why I'm ranting this morning. I forgot to have my coffee!)


Reading your OP, yes, perhaps better parenting would resolve that.
It isn't the coffee.
  26854327
May 1, 2013 7:58 AM
I totally agree with you.

Alot of negative from people on here and everyone seems to be an "expert"

Just stick with what works for you. I would never judge.
May 1, 2013 7:59 AM
QUOTE:

People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.

And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.

And yes, telling the rude people to shut the f*ck up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.


I definitely understand the difference between sarcasm and wit. I appreciate both, respectively.

And you just don't seem to understand that not every views "being helpful" in the same way that you do. That's ok - we don't all have to share the same outlook and opinion as you.
  16691827
May 1, 2013 7:59 AM
There's a fine line between someone who is simply straightforward/blunt/disagreeing with you and someone who is being rude.

Often, it's a misunderstanding on both sides.
May 1, 2013 7:59 AM
i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
May 1, 2013 8:00 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

i dont get why more people just dont google things....read up on things then try out different things

instead of asking strangers what works all the time


Who wants to do all that work? They're already starving and doing 2 hours of cardio a day! Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.


OMG, that made me laugh.
  8566983
May 1, 2013 8:01 AM
QUOTE:


When you put a post out there you set yourself up for degrading comments. It's a public forum you have to sift the good advice from the crap advice.


The problem is, is that when someone is being a complete asshole it's hard to take their advice to heart, even if it is good advice.

And to the OP, I've noticed it a lot to lately. It's usually the same group of people. I totally agree with them that it can be frustrating but if it's frustrating to see it posted why even read it? Why waste the time to comment?

I'm not saying you can't ever have a smartass remark or be a bit rude. Everyone has here and there. Its the attacks on the new people who are asking about calorie consumption that I think is the problem. It's just as petty as when people post the 'it's lose NOT loose DUH!' threads.
May 1, 2013 8:01 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

I want to be fit. I befriend people who are fit and who listen to fit people. They've got to be doing something right and hopefully I can soak up some of that knowledge and if it is delivered frankly without qualifiers to cushion the blow, even better.

It's non-fit people who get butthurt when fit people say, 'hey there, you're doing that wrong, do this instead' that are the issue. It's like some people don't want to help themselves or let others help them.


QUOTE:

One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"



This is not constructive criticism. Whoever this guy was wasn't trying to be helpful. He was being a being a douche.


I fail to see how this was douche-y. Honestly, I don't.

It really is mind-boggling to see someone say they can't manage to eat 1200 cals but yet they are significantly overweight. Maybe that comment set off a light bulb for someone.


As I stated previously, significantly overweight people at a higher quantity of unhealthy food. Personally, I've found that in my 10 weeks on here, eating foods that are healthy for you and actually fill you up consist of less calories... which for me makes it a bit harder to reach my calorie goal.


it is NOT hard

butter
peanut butter
nuts
seeds
avocado
olive oil dressing
ANYTHING.


Candy bar or any dessert item. IIFYM.
May 1, 2013 8:01 AM
Couldn't agree more!! I've never had anything directly pointed to me but I see it all the time. It always ends up being the people that are the most fit and successfull on their journey which I find odd because they wouldn't be on MFP if they hadn't started with some kind of goal in mind. I see people ask all kinds of questions on here that seem silly to others but why can't people just give the answers they are looking for and move on. Something tells me they worked on their body and not their personality during their journey.
  20883755
May 1, 2013 8:01 AM
I agree with you....and thank you for this post, brave of you! I made a post about how women should be proud of their fitness changes, weight loss, etc...not showing off their boobs like this is a dating site...I got 18 pages of being blasted....and really try to avoid posting or commenting now....it's not worth hearing everyone's opinions and the harrassment involved....
May 1, 2013 8:02 AM
QUOTE:

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......


You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.
  6438378
May 1, 2013 8:02 AM
QUOTE:

It's not really rude or degrading but my favorite piece of generic advice is "you need to lift heavy." It's not even that I think the advice is bad but rather that lifting heavy isn't the only thing people who have a lot of weight to lose need to be doing. It's just one piece of the puzzle.


I agree. I don't think that people are necessarily rude or mean. I would call it more snarky. Vague, duh, responses. I think we overuse the word rude and bully sometimes.

I love "lose weight"...that annoys me so much. Especially when someone is already eating at a deficit and working out regularly. I usually see this when people ask for advice to help them with trouble areas, mainly abs. I get that you can't 'spot reduce'. but you can tell them in the same amount of words, because someone once told me that you shouldn't HAVE to explain any further and they weren't word for not doing this, "adjust macros", "try running", "more cardio", etc.
May 1, 2013 8:02 AM
I have to pee.

Message Boards » Fitness and Exercise

Posts by members, moderators and admins should not be considered medical advice and no guarantee is made against accuracy.