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TOPIC: What is your wedding advice to a newly married couple?

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May 13, 2010 10:33 AM
Best words of wisdom I got were from my mother on my wedding day:
"Remember that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition, but more of any 80/20 split. Sometimes it will be your 80 and his 20, other times it will be your 20 to his 80. Just always believe that it all balances out in the end so long as you are there for each other."

What I have learned in the 25+ years I have been in the (as Casper called it so aptly) institution:
Being married is work and it is a choice you make every day. You make that choice and re-inforce it -- through your actions both with and away from your partner. Do you openly flirt with people other than your partner? Have you continued Girls/Guys night out -- at a bar with your single friends who are there to pick up someone? Do your friends really support and respect your choice to be married? Are you putting yourself in situations where temptations will eventually present themselves? How do you talk about your partner? Do you use the term "We" when discussing inner couple decisions to others (ie: "We decided to by a house.") Do you put the marriage first -- always? (Yes even before your children.)

Think of what can you do to build the marriage up, because there are plenty of stressors in life that will try to tear it down -- and that is without the added stress of children.

I love my DH and I could not imagine life without him. We have had our trials and tribulations, but I would still rather spend time with him than anyone else --most of the time.

Edit: one more -- "I LOVE YOU" is said in many different ways -- learn to listen for it.
Edited by JJs25th On May 13, 2010 10:39 AM
  188646
May 13, 2010 10:46 AM
ENJOY each other and the time you have togther. The first year of marriage can be tough, with combining incomes, bills, and personalities. Be patient, have open communication, and trust each other. Encouarge each other to reach goals or dreams, no matter how silly they may seem to the other person.

Wait to have kids (I think at least a year). Kids are a wonderful, WONDERFUL blessing, but once they are here, that one on one time you enjoyed with yoru spouse will be limited. Take that alone time to have "fun" all over the house, learn more about each other (even if you think you know everything, you probably don't!), travel with each other, and experience new things and enjoy that newlywed bliss!
  187736
May 13, 2010 11:05 AM
The "Silent Treatment" never works. It's a selfish way of ignoring something that should probably talk about. Always always always be open and honest and talk about whatever may be upsetting you.
May 13, 2010 11:06 AM
Bottom line respect each other
May 13, 2010 11:13 AM
QUOTE:

Don't be right at the expense of your marriage. No single disaggreement is more important than your life together. Winning the argument is a ridiculous goal.


I think this is fantastic advice.
  989358
May 13, 2010 2:05 PM
Talk about everything. Seriously. Don't pent up your feelings. If you're pissed he loaded the dishes wrong, then tell him. If he hates if you leave the cap off the toothpaste, be prepared for him to let you know. You're going to spend the rest of your life with this person, so communication is key. If you hold in any aggravation for that long... it's gonna blow up.

I like the advice about staying naked as well, lol.
  556636
May 14, 2010 11:57 PM
QUOTE:

Never go to bed mad.


This.

The importance of this advice can never, ever be overstated. I've been married for almost 4 years now and we made a pact to never go to bed angry. In 4 years we've never gone to bed without resolving problems and we're in a really happy, healthy marriage. I'm all for procrastination but not when it comes to making things right with an argument.
  1027017
May 15, 2010 4:49 AM
I agree with LuckyLeprechaun on the going to bed angry thing. We've done it before. One time, it took 2 days for us to be able to discuss the matter calmly. (it was about kids, responsibilities and punishments--I won't go into the details). After the second day, about 9:00 at night, we were able to talk it out and come to an agreement. We don't have the 12 or 20 or even more years that some of you have, but we're going on 6. And in another 10 years, all four of those kids will be out of the house (hopefully), and we won't have that issue coming between us any more!

Remember the quote, "This too, shall pass". It may take 10 years, but eventually it will pass. (Gosh, I hope the kids don't act like self centered ignorant twits that whole 10 years, it'll make it seem like 100 (did I mention that we have two teenagers and two tweens who act worse than the teenagers? sad sad laugh laugh ))

I love some of the funny quips. I have to do a matron of honor speech and I may steal one or two for it!
  69567
May 15, 2010 5:21 AM
I have a gift that I give to all newlyweds and you could do this too. Get two boxes, put 150 sheets of stationary, 50 envelopes, and an ink pen in each box. Now when I give this as a gift I make the box sonething special but any box will do. On your wedding day and every anniversary after, write each other a letter telling them how you feel about the previous year you spent with them. You can recap happy times, trying times, funny things, or things that they may not have even known about (like every morning when my husband left for work he kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me, when he was gone I asked God to keep him safe and watch over him, I never told him that but I would put it in the letter). When you have the letters written put them in an envelope and seal it, put the year on the front of the envelope and put it in the box. DO NOT GIVE THE LETTER TO YOUR SPOUCE! Write the letters every year and on your 50th anniversary give each other the leters to read. Also, if it looks like you are seriously going to get a divorce, read the letters. It may help you remember what you ment to each other through the years and change your minds.

Good Luck and love each other deeply.
Edited by Breckgirl On May 15, 2010 5:22 AM
  609654

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