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TOPIC: He disappears then comes back....

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December 13, 2012 6:48 AM
What do you do?
  17963963
December 13, 2012 6:53 AM
Need more information....

But for me(in general), if a guy disappears and then wants back in my life, it's not gonna happen. I don't have time to make space in my heart for someone who is not going to make an effort to stay.
December 13, 2012 6:55 AM
Need waaay more info and context!

Generally giving second chances has not worked for me...
December 13, 2012 7:09 AM
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  857661
December 13, 2012 7:12 AM
Ha Ha Kit, love that. ^

Wanna say they don't get a second chance, but then I'd be a big fat liar.... I've given people second chances (lack of better words) but they've never worked out.

The huge determining factor is HOW did they leave? Poof, heated conversation, left for another etc?? That is a big determination factor for me.
December 13, 2012 7:20 AM
I was dating a medical resident since September. We had a terrible first date, but I gave him a second chance which was my first mistake. October we hung out a little and dated some more. I actually started to get excited about maybe this was actually a decent guy. Halloween weekend we went out to a bar, and had a drink together. We went back to his house and made out, but I refused his sexual advances. Two weeks prior when were at his house he told me he was a virgin which shocked the hell out of me. The guy is actually in his early 30s. As a result, I was going to tell him that I was a virgin also to clear the air. Well the before mentioned weekend he asked me the last time I had sex, and I said I never did. This surprised the hell out of him apparently. He told me it was too much pressure on him. Then I called him out because I was unsure whether or not he actually told the truth about being a virgin. He said " I've had 2 night stands before."

After that I was like maybe this isn't going to work out. Blah blah because sex is an issue apparently. He initially agreed then said it wasn't a big deal and we should see where things go. I'm like confused. lol. So the next few weeks go by and we are still going out. Things were actually getting better, and I get the sense that feelings were starting to develop between us. He tells me one day he doesn't want sex until we have an emotional connection. This is at the beginning of November. We were talking and he was telling me how what he was going to do in bed when he eventually have sex with me. I told him there will be no sex unless I was in love or in a relationship with him. He thereafter says that he didn't want a relationship at this time due to his medical residency. Then I'm like WTF? What's the point of me being here? I was clear from the beginning that I wanted a relationship and be married one day. He said he was looking for the same thing. He proceeded to ask me when is the next time I'm going to see him..I'm thinking what's the point if we don't want the same thing.. The next week we were suppose to go out, and i was at the end of my rope. I get a text message asking "what's the point of it all if you are not ready. Or are you ready now?" I was confused. I thought he was talking about what I wanted in life because the week before he asked what did I want but I didn't want to tell him. Then he said "when you are ready and sure of what you want. Let me know and we can go out." I got very angry with him because I didn't understand where that came from. Initially I thought it was about being in a relationship, but now analyzing I feel it was more about sex than anything. The same day he sent the message I went over his house, and he acted as if nothing happened and told me to just forget about it. We made out and fooled around in his bed. I was ready to leave his house, and I told him to his face that basically that one day I do want to be in a relationship, be married, and all the good stuff in life regardless if it was with him or not. I said " there are other men out there." Then I asked him if he had anything to say, and he said " you know what I want." Nothing else! When I walked out the door, I just left without saying goodbye. I texted him when I got home that I made it back safely. No response. Texted him the next day, no response. Then over the weekend I had a friend call him and he picked up, and then I called and got no response. I left a message saying just say what you have to say because we are going to see each other in some capacity again.
Edited by EBFNP On December 13, 2012 7:24 AM
  17963963
December 13, 2012 7:33 AM
This fella sounds like a headache... I'd say stop trying to figure out why he keeps coming back and just totally disappear on him!
December 13, 2012 7:33 AM
usually when a guy disappears then comes back its because hes horny or lonely or bored and no one else will go out with him that weekend. im polite but i dont go out again with guys that poof
December 13, 2012 7:45 AM
What kind of tool pursues a girl for sex who is a virgin and has stated plainly that she's serious about saving herself for a serious committed relationship that has marriage potential?

Tell him to go sow his oats elsewhere. .
  19641048
December 13, 2012 7:47 AM
No second chances. If he poofed once, he'll poof again. If a guy is really interested, he won't poof in the first place.
December 13, 2012 7:50 AM
Yeah block this guys number, ignore him and just date someone else. Way to much to get into here but just reading tells me he is not what you want
  10932653
December 13, 2012 7:53 AM
Agree with all the above

Time to move on.....
  14497126
December 13, 2012 7:55 AM
Hey OP, this is really easy. Move on!!!! DO not talk or text to him anymore.
  17200059
December 13, 2012 8:19 AM
You want a translation of his words and actions?

I'm a medical doctor. I am about to finish my residency. I will be a loaded God. Put out or get out!

What do you mean you're leaving? Okay, come back now? Are you ready to put out? .... Well go away again.

How bout now? .... Then go away!

okay, how bout now? .....

Jeez, I've told her to put out or get lost. Now, I've stopped contacting her because it's clear she won't give it up but she keeps contacting me. Maybe she'll give it up now.

--- Repeat cycle.
  14795220
December 13, 2012 8:28 AM
complete Dbag
December 13, 2012 8:30 AM
Next!!!

Poofers will reappear when lonely or horny. I'm not second choice or available at their convenience and neither should you!!!
December 13, 2012 8:31 AM
You guys have serious communication issues. Drop it like it's hot.
  857661
December 13, 2012 8:35 AM
Sounds like you two aren't a good match.
  7587537
December 13, 2012 9:28 AM
Whatever happened or what he said early on, at some point in early November he told you point blank that he didn't want a relationship. Yet -- even though you do want a relationship -- you still kept seeing him. You even went to his house and made out with him. I don't know, but a guy who sticks around for two months without sex doesn't seem to be a guy who is only after sex. (I'm not entirely convinced from what you wrote that he was referring to sex in his texts and statements.) From his perspective, he told you what he wanted, and you still stuck around hoping he might change his mind.

QUOTE:
Nothing else! When I walked out the door, I just left without saying goodbye. I texted him when I got home that I made it back safely. No response. Texted him the next day, no response. Then over the weekend I had a friend call him and he picked up, and then I called and got no response. I left a message saying just say what you have to say because we are going to see each other in some capacity again.


I'm not sure where the "coming back" is. He appears to have poofed. I'm curious why you are chasing after a man (and having your friend call his number) who has told you flat out that he doesn't want a relationship when you do want a relationship.

Let this one go. The two of you obviously want different things.
December 13, 2012 10:03 AM
You need to ignore him/block him/etc. However, since you're not, he thinks he has a chance of being the one to take your virginity....

Let him be. Go find a better man that will treat you with respect.
December 13, 2012 10:32 AM
I haven't talked to this guy in weeks. I was asking because they always come back in my experience. I personally should have gotten rid of him after the first date. I'm was looking for affirmation of my decision. He has lied too much to me, and I'm not sure if we can be friends or not if/when he comes back.
  17963963
December 13, 2012 10:43 AM
QUOTE:

I haven't talked to this guy in weeks. I was asking because they always come back in my experience. I personally should have gotten rid of him after the first date. I'm was looking for affirmation of my decision. He has lied too much to me, and I'm not sure if we can be friends or not if/when he comes back.


I'm not shocked that they always come back. From what I've read you do a terrible job at closing the door and you seem to make things more confusing. I don't want to sound mean, but you seem to be a decent part of the problem in why they keep coming back.

No friendship with him either. Don't answer his phone calls or answer his texts if and when that happens. It's really that simple, but I think you're the one who is confused.
  17200059
December 13, 2012 10:43 AM
Yeah, he has no respect for you. He's not looking for a friend, unless it's a FWB.
Edited by RunIntheMud On December 13, 2012 10:44 AM
December 13, 2012 11:12 AM
QUOTE:

No second chances. If he poofed once, he'll poof again. If a guy is really interested, he won't poof in the first place.


Yes!!
December 13, 2012 11:17 AM
I think it's kind of funny that we are all here discussing what she should do about something that hasn't even happened yet, and likely will not ever happen. My vote is that he isn't coming back.

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