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TOPIC: Rudeness on forums

 
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November 17, 2012 7:21 PM
QUOTE:

Agreed! Would you like a friend request and seeding to a better group of people?
90% of the folks I roll with are losing weight the right way and they help each other out.
I try to help out on this forum and am surprised by the attacks I get daily.
If you want a strong community let me know.


What strong community are you talking about Dan? I'm interested.
November 17, 2012 7:21 PM
QUOTE:

I think sometimes rudeness is the nature of the beast, this beast being internet forums. Sometimes people are actually rude, and sometimes they just don't take the time or care to be gentle with people, or just don't have the writing skills. We all have different ways of expressing ourselves, and I find it's easy to misread tone with people I don't know.

It's funny you would say this today, because among the usual snarky comments (some of which are very funny), I have read some posts that really moved me, both requests for help and offers of it.

In a short time I have found a small community of "friends" here, and feel I can rely on them for support and advice. I'm grateful to have them every day and am enjoying getting to know them better every day. I don't have an issue with the dating/hotness/etc threads, although I don't read them. But I do think there is a value in getting to know people beyond what they like to eat, how much they weigh, and if they do weights or cardio. Just my two cents.
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I like MissJanet. Sounds like a lovely lady! I only offer encouragement here as well - but just know that any time people can hide behind a monitor, there will be people who use no filter. I just ignore those folks! There's enough toxic people in real life!
  8152324
November 17, 2012 7:22 PM
Ignore rude people. Some just do it for attention.
  14184735
November 17, 2012 7:25 PM
QUOTE:

I think sometimes rudeness is the nature of the beast, this beast being internet forums. Sometimes people are actually rude, and sometimes they just don't take the time or care to be gentle with people, or just don't have the writing skills. We all have different ways of expressing ourselves, and I find it's easy to misread tone with people I don't know.

It's funny you would say this today, because among the usual snarky comments (some of which are very funny), I have read some posts that really moved me, both requests for help and offers of it.

In a short time I have found a small community of "friends" here, and feel I can rely on them for support and advice. I'm grateful to have them every day and am enjoying getting to know them better every day. I don't have an issue with the dating/hotness/etc threads, although I don't read them. But I do think there is a value in getting to know people beyond what they like to eat, how much they weigh, and if they do weights or cardio. Just my two cents.


Apparently I"m having "operator error" issues tonight! I loved this post is what I've been trying to say! LOL
Edited by CherylSkeen On November 17, 2012 7:32 PM
  8152324
November 17, 2012 7:26 PM
Well, it has been already pointed about the Report button so no point in re-iterating that.

The best thing for you (and many who fear the worst of the internet forums like these) is to get a good group of friends and stick with your own news feed rather than the forums. You will feel much saner that way, and regain hope in humanity :)
  17121359
November 17, 2012 7:27 PM
you can feel free to add me if you want- i made a forum looking for some support buddies and encouragement for some motivation- and i now have 85 friends and i try to encourage as many of them as possible, and vice vera, its really great and a lot of people on here are nice
November 17, 2012 7:27 PM
And what is it to you? LOL> Just kidding. Most likely this is a function of many folks who feel deprived due to caloric deprivation. No excuse to be mean but most likely is the reason why.
  16346599
November 17, 2012 7:28 PM
A difference of opinion is not the same thing as being rude.

Edited to add:
This forum is one of the most polite that I've been to since back in the day of alt.net BBS forums. Seriously. Try spending time on any other forum, public or private and you will see that this one is amazingly kind and gentle for an anonymous forum. Tread carefully in places like somethingawful.com and reddit. You may end up seeing things you wish you didn't.

If your social networking experience has been limited to Facebook, this forum may seem like a shock. I think too often people get trapped in an echo chamber, and then when they are confronted with the wonderfully diverse opinions of the rest of the world in an anonymous forum, it is shocking to see that people have a wide array of styles of how they deal with the world.

Personally, I think a post calling this forum rude was in an of itself a rude act.
Edited by TheRealParisLove On November 17, 2012 7:40 PM
  22710373
November 17, 2012 7:31 PM
QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


All I can say is the "moderators" are on vacation (or non-existent) and have been for quite some time.
November 17, 2012 7:32 PM
QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


How are who is the hottest and who would you date threads rude? It's a bit rude to say who participating is like acting like they are in junior high imo.
Edited by Sarauk2sf On November 17, 2012 7:33 PM
  18358448
November 17, 2012 7:32 PM
The world is full of people. Good people. Bad people. Nice people. Mean people. MFP is just a slice of the world. I do with mean people on here like I do in the real world. I just refuse to engage. Can't have a debate with one person.

Someone bags on something I've said? Whatever. I do take a look back at what I said to make sure they aren't right and I'm not being an idiot. Other than that, I blow it off. With what I've been through in life so far, the opinions of people who don't know me more than a statement I might make in a forum are NOTHING. As I'm sure I am to them as well! LOL
  29374085
November 17, 2012 7:34 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


All I can say is the "moderators" are on vacation (or non-existent) and have been for quite some time.


All I can say is that I don't think you know what you're talking about and are spreading lies.
  17121359
November 17, 2012 7:35 PM
mean people are everywhere - especially You-tube (omgosh!) The only way to guard against it hurting when you read rude, and cruel comments is to realize that you are not the jerk whisperer and there's nothing you can do to help them, but you can control how you react, or don't react as the case may be.
November 17, 2012 7:36 PM
Strange you feel that way, because I find this to be one of the most helpful sites on the net. People go out of their way to help others on the path to fitness and health. People tell positive stories of motivation, determination, and success.

I stumbled onto this site when I was at a point in my life where I never thought I would be able to lose the weight that I had spent the previous 5 years gaining. I was considering surgery, diet pills, any and every damn thing. While it was great to have the calorie plan laid out by the MFP software, what really got me invested was the MFP community. ALL of the community. From the fantastic people on my FL, to the intelligent people on the forums dispensing advice, to the people that I vehemently disagree with and enjoy debating, all the way down to the nutbags spewing ridiculousness that I get to shoot down on a daily basis. I love them all. The push/pull is what holds this site together for me. With the assistance of the entire community, from the gurus to the trolls, I went from Can't Do It to Doing It to Did It.

I think people see what they want to see. You see rudeness and people to ignore or report, I see help, support, and the occasional target. I guess this place could be more like Facebook, but then Facebook sucks.
November 17, 2012 7:36 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


All I can say is the "moderators" are on vacation (or non-existent) and have been for quite some time.


Actually the Moderators are alive and well... I know from experience... sometimes what people see as rude is really just a difference of opinion and therefore is no reason to get involved... and a lot of time if you report something the person gets a PM about the rules and receives a warning and nothing is done on a public forum.

I have received warnings for some of the dumbest things....
November 17, 2012 7:37 PM
QUOTE:

I quit posting here real quick because of this very thing. I only came here tonight because I saw the topic on my home page and thought I would add my two cents. From what I've seen, if you don't agree with the 'right way' of losing weight, you get bashed... repeatedly. Not to say there aren't good people here as well, but in my opinion it's just not worth it to weed through all the mean comments just to get to the few supportive ones.


^
v

QUOTE:

A difference of opinion is not the same thing as being rude.
November 17, 2012 7:39 PM
In...

...because I love a good post where we can all collectively come together and put down the "mean people" for nonspecific, general violations of some code of conduct...(but often for nothing more than disagreeing with an OP in a thread). Even better if we can call the "mean people" names along the way.
  8625464
November 17, 2012 7:39 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


All I can say is the "moderators" are on vacation (or non-existent) and have been for quite some time.


All I can say is that I don't think you know what you're talking about and are spreading lies.


Really? i've been here for a year, and I haven't seen rude posters or trolls being "moderated." Generally people are pretty supportive here, but the the ones who aren't aren't really told to stop, or aren't moderated in any way I can see.
Edited by likearadiowave On November 17, 2012 7:41 PM
November 17, 2012 7:40 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


All I can say is the "moderators" are on vacation (or non-existent) and have been for quite some time.


All I can say is that I don't think you know what you're talking about and are spreading lies.


Really? i've been here for a year, and I haven't seen rude posters or trolls being "moderated."


I see it all the time. Threads are continually being pulled and posts deleted.

ETA: people get warnings and strikes - you obviously will not see those
Edited by Sarauk2sf On November 17, 2012 7:42 PM
  18358448
November 17, 2012 7:40 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


All I can say is the "moderators" are on vacation (or non-existent) and have been for quite some time.


All I can say is that I don't think you know what you're talking about and are spreading lies.


Really? i've been here for a year, and I haven't seen rude posters or trolls being "moderated."



No??? I've seen plenty of threads get edited or deleted by moderators.
  13288459
November 17, 2012 7:42 PM
MFP isn't perfect. But in my limited opinion, it's the best thing out there. I have received far more support and people offering helpful information on MFP than I've ever gotten elsewhere. Build a network of friends. Stay away from forums that make you uncomfortable. I see topics on the message boards all the time that make me shake my head. I think my all time favorite was the girl looking for an opinion on how to be remove hair from... Well nevermind. You get the point. There's a topic/message board for everyone. Find ones that interest you and take the good with the bad. Mean people suck. Hungry mean people suck worse! LOL
  29374085
November 17, 2012 7:43 PM
QUOTE:

In...

...because I love a good post where we can all collectively come together and put down the "mean people" for nonspecific, general violations of some code of conduct...(but often for nothing more than disagreeing with an OP in a thread). Even better if we can call the "mean people" names along the way.


Well....I think you are mean just for saying that....bully!
  18358448
November 17, 2012 7:43 PM
QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


I was with you on the original post (well, not with you but at least I understood) but this post just... what?

Diet attacks aren't made personal. They're done because takign stuff like HCG and other products are harmful and anyone naive/desperate enough will try it unless they're told that "hey, don't be stupid and kill yourself. Eat right, exercise, win!"

unwelcoming posts should be reported. Mods here give 3 strikes for rude etc behavior after which that person is not allowed to post anymore. If you don't like somebodys attitude or think they're unwelcoming, please report and let the mods decide

who is the hottest: What is wrong with it? This site is what the users wishes it to be and clearly, based on the popularity of those threads, theres a number of users that think that aspect is valid. It is not hurting the community for anyone to "rate" them. It is not hurting you since it is all limited in a few posts. Why would it bother you?

who would I date? Somebody who isn't going around and judging others. Please, refrain from judgmental mentality. Acts and thoughts like these aren't good for the soul

If this is a junior high for certain members, then unless it is affecting you directly (which from your posts it sounds like it is not) then please, leave these "junior high" people alone and let them rate each other. It might be juevenile but till you become the owner of this site, please don't worry about it. Report it if it bothers you that much
  17121359
November 17, 2012 7:43 PM
QUOTE:

Its beyond that Dan. Its more than one person reporting posts and seeing no results. The point of this site is motivation and the social aspects. All i see in the forums is diet attacking, unwelcoming posts, who is the hottest, who would you date, etc. Its like this is junior high.


Why venture into those threads on the chit chat forum if you know they are going to be like junior high?
  3970743
November 17, 2012 7:44 PM
QUOTE:

you are not the jerk whisperer and there's nothing you can do to help them, but you can control how you react, or don't react as the case may be.


OMG. Jerk whisperer. That made me literally laugh out loud. Good one.

There have been many times I've wanted to start a thread but haven't because I fear the meanie-butts. I just stick to my group of friends and give encouragement on the Success Stories loop. I stay away from the Chit-Chat Fun and Games because it's not my cuppa. If I'm reading a thread and it turns nasty, I move on to another thread or log off MFP entirely for the time being. I refuse to participate because its not worth getting my blood pressure up for. My motto is: Life is short. Be nice.
  24332120

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