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TOPIC: Can fat people find love?

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October 8, 2012 6:18 PM
I'm 5'1 and I weight about 306 now...
I'm 20 and I'm just scared. There is so much negativity and I'm working on loosing but I keep failing. I'm afraid it will take me so long to lose or I won't be able to and I'll never find love and I'll be alone forever...
I'm also not the least bit pretty and I've been told by my past and present therapist that I have zero self esteem. I'm tired of feeling like this, so down on myself and so afraid. :/
October 8, 2012 6:27 PM
You are GORGEOUS!! OMG! When you are ready, I think you'll have the guys chasing you down, that hair is amazing!
October 8, 2012 6:31 PM
Edited by monty619 On October 8, 2012 6:33 PM
October 8, 2012 6:33 PM
Hey! Miranda here. I'm 20 also and I have honestly had many of the same doubts and worries. I often feel that I am too overweight to ever find somebody who will find me the least bit attractive. And then I sometimes say to myself "Even if I DO lose weight, will I be pretty enough?". Sometimes the fear that I will end up alone keeps me up at night to be quite honest. There are a few things that I try to do to remind myself that I am a person of great worth. We all are. It's hard but sometimes you need to give yourself a confidence boost. Look in the mirror and say "I'm a funny and kind person" or something similar to this. I don't know you but I'm sure you have more to offer than you realize.

Anyways, I'm here to talk if you ever need a friend. Request me if you'd like.

October 8, 2012 6:35 PM
The internet the best love tool ever. Whatever you are someone out there loves it. Some Googling and you will find a community that for them you are a goddess ( and you are to someone out there).
October 8, 2012 6:36 PM

You are GORGEOUS!! OMG! When you are ready, I think you'll have the guys chasing you down, that hair is amazing!

I agree!! You are beautiful flowerforyou Self esteem, for you and a a lot of other people -myself included, seems to be the main factor here. I know plenty of people that weigh more than you that are happily married or in relationships. Love has to come from inside you first. You need to love you...then you will find it in someone else. Easier said than done, I know, I struggle with this daily...but it isn't have to dig deep and find out the root of your low self esteem. It might not be easy, but it is worth it, because you are worth it!
October 8, 2012 6:38 PM
I've been overweight my entire life. I'm currently 25, 6'2", 315lbs (not too far off from where I was years ago), and I've never had problems finding a good man. I want to say my personality had something to do with it, but in all honesty, I'm not even the best person lol I have no doubt that fatties all over can find love... however, I'll also say that right now I wouldn't even worry about love. Focus on you, focus on your life and getting healthy and happy. I know this is probably going to sound like some BS cliche, but I'ma say it anyway: If you can't love yourself, how do you expect to love someone else, or have them love you?

While you're still down on yourself and depressed with low self esteem, you're more likely to find someone that you can settle on. That's the last thing you want.

Focus on loving yourself first. Work and work hard to achieve that goal. When you're done, the guys will be lining up - that way, settling will not be an option, cause you'll have a lot more to choose from. ;)

Love and Alohas,
Ihilani Kapuniai
October 8, 2012 6:38 PM
I think you are beautiful! I just joined today, I am 50 and have struggled with my weight all my life. It's not easy but I think we can all do it!!
October 11, 2012 12:54 PM
Love isn't about a size or a number on the scale. I think the biggest issue you are having is your low self esteem. We are our own worst critics, but how is anybody else going to truly love you if you can't love yourself? Try to do some soul-searching and find out who you really are (what you truly like to do, what your passions are, etc) and try to be more involved with other people that share the same passions and you are more likely to find someone that you're compatible with. You are awesome, you just need to convince yourself of that and everyone else will realize it too!
October 11, 2012 1:00 PM
You are pretty. And as soon as you realize you'll begin to notice the other people that think you are too. Think of it this way...if you want real want someone who's going to love you whether you're 100lbs or 500 lbs. If they only pay attention when you drop weight...they're not really for you anyway. smile
October 11, 2012 1:08 PM

laugh laugh
First related video
October 11, 2012 1:09 PM
Of course!!!!!!! I was around 260 when I got married last year! Goodness!! You'll find someone ;)
October 11, 2012 1:11 PM

I'm 5'1 and I weight about 306 now...
I'm 20 and I'm just scared. There is so much negativity and I'm working on loosing but I keep failing. I'm afraid it will take me so long to lose or I won't be able to and I'll never find love and I'll be alone forever...
I'm also not the least bit pretty and I've been told by my past and present therapist that I have zero self esteem. I'm tired of feeling like this, so down on myself and so afraid. :/

if your profile pic is you - i second you're gorgeous! don't let anyone ever tell you different. you said yourself you're working on loosing - well congratulations on taking the first step to a healthier you! forget about finding love, love yourself first and foremost. once you do you're whole outlook will change/your attitude will change/ you will change.

love does not discriminate.

oh i glanced at the title and thought it read can cat people find love. LOL!!!
Edited by LoosingMyLast15 On October 11, 2012 1:12 PM
October 11, 2012 1:12 PM
You are pretty but in reality that is only a very small portion of "love"!! Confidence goes a long way and once you love yourself you will find love from someone else. Embrace your inner beauty as much if not more than the outer beauty as looks can fade!! Your personality, wit, intelligence, confidence is what will draw and KEEP someone in your life.

Its not about being a perfect size - what is that really?? Its about being the best YOU that you can be.
October 11, 2012 1:16 PM
I'm 5'10, 225, and while I haven't the time or interest in relationships right now, I often feel disregarded as a person just because I'm fat. Small things, sometimes I am overreacting because I've a sort of hypersensitivity to body gestures, tones, inflections, and expressions.

For instance, I was in class putting my coat on a chair, when a guy came in and pulled out the chair behind/across from mine and sat down in it- leaving me no room to even pull the chair out, let alone sit, though there was plenty of room for us both. So I had to sit somewhere else.

And even though we've been sitting in the same spots for weeks, I was running a little late and saw this other guy who sits across from me in my spot, with his spot empty. (And them the coat/space incident happened.)

Sometimes it feels like people disregard me as an actual person and won't even afford me common courtesies they give to others, as if I'm invisible or insignificant or something disgusting beneath their shoe.

It has happened for years, and I am too polite to tell them how I perceive their actions in case I was wrong and everyone looks at me like I'm a psycho for sounding so angry about it. Maybe they perceive something like that as a slight offence, but I get tired of being treated like a non-entity.

When I get skinny I will still remember these people, and these types of people. Er.. and I won't go psycho or anything but I will definitely snobbishly dismiss them.
Edited by Pinkigloopyxie On October 11, 2012 1:20 PM
October 11, 2012 1:23 PM
Okay - first ,you are pretty. You just can't see it yourself right now. Taking the focus off what you weigh or look like, think of the things you really like about yourself - there will definitely be things you do well. Perhaps it is your compassion or sense of humour, etc but focus on it and allow yourself to feel proud about it. Then go from there. One thing at a time. You have already started by joining MFP and making better health choices and that is fabulous.

As to fat people finding love - absolutely! I would be one of them.
October 11, 2012 1:28 PM
This happens to me a lot too. I'm 5'7", 216 pounds, 25 years old. I work in a small restaurant in a very small town, and most of my coworkers are beautiful teenagers. I can't tell you how many times the customer will pretend I'm not there and address the 'pretty skinny one', even if she's in the back or busy. It's outrageously rude and it makes me very angry that people will disregard you or treat you as less than human because you don't meet their ideal of beauty.

However, more towards the original poster, I married my love of 4 years in April. He's English, he's gorgeous, and he loves me. When we first got together I was around 230 pounds. He tells me he would love me whether I weighed half or twice as much. There are good people out there, and people who understand. It's just the cruelty that sticks in the mind so much easier. I definitely second looking online. It's how my husband and I met, and it's easier to not feel as shy when you can be who you are before they even know what you look like.
October 11, 2012 1:31 PM
This is something I think about when I end up over calories for the day, or feel like "giving up".

As long as if I keep going and keep trying - One day I WILL be skinny.

Regarding your question - Yes. Fat people can find love. Realize that most guys are a**holes, so you need to be patient - but eventually a good guy will come around and the weight wouldn't make a difference.
October 11, 2012 1:43 PM
First, no one can love you if you don't love yourself. You come first, love comes second. It sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself before focusing on finding someone to be with. When the time is right for that, it will happen.

You're only 20, and at that age it's hard to see a future based in reality. You think how you feel right now will be how you'll feel forever. It's not true.

Focus on yourself right now. There's plenty of time for the rest. Figure out what makes you happy. The things that make you happy are reasons to like who you are. The things you tell yourself every day become your reality. It's best to stop being down on yourself. If you don't like you, how can you expect someone else to like you?

Go look in the mirror right now and find something about your features that you think is pretty. If you can't find anything, know that you're deceiving yourself. And then try again.

Big changes like that won't happen overnight. It takes time to build up self-esteem. I would also try to pinpoint why exactly you feel you have no self-esteem. (And it shouldn't be because someone told you that, even a therapist.) Figure it out, figure out the logic in it, and then let it go. At 20 there is so much to look forward to. If you're unhappy with your past, don't let it define your future.
October 11, 2012 1:47 PM
In a way, you've answered your own question -- you have very low self esteem. When you're in a place like that emotionally, it's hard to see other people being attracted to you or loving you, even though you can have those things at ANY size. I don't know you personally, but judging by your profile pic, you have nothing to worry about in the looks department, whether you lose weight or not. :)

Also, for personal reference, my great aunts, who are all elderly now, have all always been overweight, some to greater degrees than others. But they were never lacking in relationships or love interests, and all were married at least once and had children. So being bigger certainly does not mean you cannot find happiness. Don't let the media brainwash you into thinking the only way you can be happy and fulfilled is by being thin.
October 11, 2012 2:14 PM
this woman...

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is married to this man...

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if that doesn't prove that love and attraction goes a lot deeper than just looks, what does?
Edited by WinnerVictorious On October 11, 2012 2:16 PM
October 11, 2012 2:17 PM
Ok, so here's the thing. You're 20. It doesn't seem like it, but you've got *plenty* of time to find somebody so quit panicking.

Secondly, don't define who *you* are by your significant other, or lack thereof. There's a scene in the movie "Cool Runnings" where they're talking about gold medals, and one character says "If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it." The same applies to romantic relationships...if you're not happy with yourself alone, you're never going to be happy with someone, either.

Third, yes, plenty of overweight people are in happy, loving relationships. Personally, that's not for me until I get in shape. Relationships and marriages are stressful, and when you're out of shape, you just don't have the energy to deal with all the trials and difficulties that occur even in healthy relationships. When just living your day to day life wears you out (as it does when you're overweight, though it's not always noticeable), you just won't have the energy or patience to calmly deal with your significant other when he leaves his socks on the floor or something like that. You'll be irritable and have more arguments, and you won't even know why. Just trust me on this, I've been there.
October 11, 2012 2:18 PM
Honestly hun, I know coming out of being a teenager and everything while being fat, you think no one will ever look at you or love you but it's not true. Do not lose weight to find a guy ( do it when you're ready, for you). Even if you were to stay at 300 lbs, you'll find someone.
October 11, 2012 2:18 PM
No one else can love you unless you love yourself...Truly. Take what you want from that.
October 11, 2012 2:18 PM
Im going through the same thing and i dont think it has anything to do with weight.....just be happy and work on yourself..hugs

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