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TOPIC: family doesnt support me is it worth it?

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October 5, 2012 9:54 PM

Some people will stay on welfare bc they were raised on it. Some will have the drive to work. Some people will drink bc they were raised by an alcoholic. Some people will be determined not to be controlled by a substance. Some people will abuse others bc they were abused. Some people will break the cycle.

Likewise, some people are raised in a fat family eating bad foods and being sedentary--so they stay that way. Others have the gumption to change.

It's hard to get and stay fit. It's hard to stay fat. Pick your hard.

Excellent advice!
October 5, 2012 9:56 PM

My husband and my daughter mocked and dismissed my efforts for about the first month. Once my husband saw I was serious and didn't give a crap what he thinks, and he started seeing the results on my body, he started changing his tune. He went from mocking, to tolerating, to now supporting me. And my daughter tells me how proud she is. I think it freaks families out when you try to change yourself somehow, especially if you are in a huge "caregiver" role. It's like, "Oh no. Mom is taking care of HERSELF for once. OMG, maybe some attention will be taken away from US. And maybe the chips and cookies and nice homecooked meals will STOP! Let's panic." I don't know, that's my psychological analysis of it all. Lol.

Yep, this!! I think families really participate in their health TOGETHER. They eat the same things, do the same activities (working out or not), etc. When one person starts doing something different, especially if it is BETTER, it makes everyone a little uncomfortable.

This is for YOU. This is your journey, nobody else. This is your effort alone, and you will reap the benefits alone. Don't let their words have any weight for you, because YOU are the only one who has the right to say anything good or bad about what you're doing, because YOU are the one doing it! You can do it, and it IS worth it.
October 5, 2012 10:02 PM
Don't worry about what the people in ur family think or say. Just workout when they r not around. If u can go for walks outside, not only will u get ur exercise but u will also releive some stress that they r causing. When ur eating meals with them just try & eat as healthy as u can & watch ur portions. If they say anything u can either tell them u r trying to better urself or u r not hungry to eat anymore. I was eating a meal with my sister-in-laws & my mother-in-law, my one sister-in-law is the only one out of the 4 of us who has spent her whole life eating good & exercising so she wouldn't end up looking like her mom. My other sister-in-law who had her stomach stapled & has been gaining weight back after only about a year (she is gaining slowly so she isn't fat again yet). For breakfast I had fruit, we're having lunch & I split a small salad with her, she had soup or something else small, then I shared a Sunday with my M-I-L & the S-I-L that had the tummy tuck started giving me a hard time about how I ruined my diet by eating the ice cream & started giving all her knowledge about weight loss as she orders herself an ice cream. Mind u she is saying how bad anything with sugar is & she cant & doesn't eat sugar cuz of the tummy tuck. Then we go to pay the bill & she buys some different candies for her daughter, but eats them all before we even drive to the movies. Then for dinner she has chips & dip & I don't want to eat it cuz it's high in cal so she says that the reason I'm not eating it is cuz I don't like any green veggies which is not true at all. I eat another small salad & a diet coke, she ordes a meal & an additional side along with the chips & dip & 2 alcohol drinks. But yet I'm the one who isn't eating right. Plus I'm a lot taller than her & maybe I should be eating more than her but she always eats more than me. So screw what other people say & do whenever they r trying to put u down in any way. Just know that what u r doing is to better urself. What I have found with this site is there r lots of people who will support u in ur journey here & they r going through what u r so they r very helpful. So get a good friend base on here & just try to ignor ur family as much as u can & look here for ur support group. Don't give up! Make a small goal just to improve ur health, then work up from there as ur friends here help u & when u stRt seeing a difference u can smile knowing that ur family is jealous! Good luck!
October 5, 2012 10:02 PM
The only opinion worth bothering with about you , is your own! When you are slim and happy you can enjoy the green eyed monster they will feel because they do not have your strength of character to stick to a healthy regime!
October 5, 2012 10:13 PM
I am sure your changes are getting noticed and watched, but let's analyze the motives behind the watchers here. Do you think they are really thinking "she looks ridiculous" or is it possible they're thinking "how long is this going to last" or "wow, this means a lot to mom. Weird." If its the "how long is this going to last", the watching will decrease as it goes on. If it's the last option, they're looking at you with a grudging respect, and that's going to turn to the real thing as you continue. No matter the cause, in time, this will either be old news, or they'll get on board.

It's easy when we feel ridiculous to think that everyone else sees you as ridiculous. It ain't always so. Surprisingly often, onlookers are merely curious, or admiring, or just plain oblivious. I feel ridiculous exercising at home, myself. I end up doing it at the gym, mostly. However, I've had to do more exercise at home since my surgery, and it still feels weird. But I ignore that. I think it's somehow easier with people you don't know. You might give it a try if doing it at home doesn't help. But do think about whether your family is looking on meanly, or in a spirit of curiosity or even admiration.
October 5, 2012 10:21 PM

I feel ashamed when I work out to the point of not doing it if someone is in the house. I am 100+ over weight and I know I need to loose it but it's hard when I am the only one doing it. And I get looked at like there is a giant cow having a seizer in the house when im working out. So tired of going it alone. In only 15 days in and ready to quit.

I know how you feel. Most of my family didn't support me and I started out hiding in my room exercising in private because of the ridicules. I even kept my new and healthy eating habits and the decision to lose weight a secret for about 2 months. It was only when my father asked if I had been trying to lose weight because he could see a change. Thats when I opened up and and said yes i was and explained what I had been doing. My mother still mock due for months until i could fit into her clothes and she couldn't. That was a sweet victory. The main point is I was so determined that even though I got 'picked' on by family members I found that I was making the decision to improve myself and I was the only one who mattered. Yes it is hard with little to no support but I used that inner mongrel in me and bit down hard. In the end you will have the last laugh because you WILL succeed if you LET yourself succeed. Don't give up. They will see the changes and go "Oh maybe we were too hard on her"
October 5, 2012 10:23 PM
QUOTE: no mind to them! This journey is for you and about you. It will always be you vs. you. Many will ask you why you do it, but eventually they will ask you how you did it! Be the example you want to set! Don't quit!

^ This..
October 5, 2012 10:25 PM

revenge. will the come around? maybe? maybe not! who cares? use it. work out harder when they mock you. when the weight starts coming off.. and they say something.. smirk.. smile and nod.. when they REALLY start noticing it.. just smile.. in the back of your head, call them f**kers and keep smiling.. then, when all of a sudden they wanna act like they had a part in it, leave those ba*t*rds in the wind with a fart!! =)

THIS. Ahahahahahahha you can doooo it!! :) Lol if only there was MFP camp we could all go to for a month and ditch our lives for the time being while we improve. xD
Edited by malicent On October 5, 2012 10:27 PM
October 6, 2012 1:37 AM
I'm also feeling very selfcontious when working out, it's one of the reasons I prefer working out at home vs at a gym. I work out in the mornings before everyone else wakes up, I enjoy the peace and quiet, the time for myself. I'm doing this for a couple of months now and must say that by now I feel much more comfortable doing "my thing". Even when others are around. I'm not saying I'm willing to workout in front of an audience, but I don't mind anymore doing the remainder of my workout even when others are by then up and around.

My advise: start working out early in the mornings when the others are still asleep. Set your alarm earlier if you have to. Get comfortable in your workout routine and when that happens you will probably also get more comfortable with doing your thing despite being in the presence of others.
October 6, 2012 1:54 AM
You're nor doing it for anyone but yourself. Just keep going, until YOU are happy x
October 6, 2012 1:59 AM

I feel ashamed when I work out to the point of not doing it if someone is in the house. I am 100+ over weight and I know I need to loose it but it's hard when I am the only one doing it. And I get looked at like there is a giant cow having a seizer in the house when im working out. So tired of going it alone. In only 15 days in and ready to quit.

If you quit I shall quit also. This is NOT about them it's about you and how YOU feel.
Would it help if you went to a local class run by women for women?
Support is sooooo important, please don't give up! It only take one to break the circle, be that one ok

Pete aka ummmmmmmmm <<<< Him
October 6, 2012 2:00 AM

I know what it's like not having a family support system. It's hard to stick to something when you are constantly criticized for trying to make a positive change in your life.

All I can tell you is to try and be the one who sets an example for others to want to make a change in their life. Be their inspiration.

Also, remember that you have support here on MFP. Feel free to add me!
October 6, 2012 2:04 AM
Do it for yourself, screw them! If they really cared they would be supporting you!

From personal experience I got the same reception when I worked out at home and all my family did was critise me. When I started at a gym and results started showing they actually started to support me- which I found to be odd.
October 6, 2012 2:04 AM
Keep on going and don't listen to what anyone thinks! Permanent weight loss is possible and will change your life for the better, you just need to stick with it!!
October 6, 2012 2:04 AM
For the first two weeks I was told I wouldn't last more than that.
My partner still asks me if I'm ok when I get on the stationary bike and do sets.
People ask me all the time 'what are you doing' as if they are going to hear a magic answer or I'm going to admit I'm taking something for it.

If you want this, you'll see through all that and know that every time you push through something negative you are further on the path the positive.
October 6, 2012 2:10 AM
The thing that bugs me is when I am working out at home & my SO has the nerve to mock me while I am trying to get through a dvd workout..err I just want to strangle him when he does that. explode But good news is he is going to start working out with me on Monday because he's tired of the beer belly and moobs lol. It will be nice for us to get in shape together and see our bodies transform over time.
October 6, 2012 2:11 AM
DON'T GIVE UP!YOU CAN DO THIS<DO IT FOR YOURSELF FIRST. In time,those who do not support you will see the change you made and be inspired.I struggled with getting out of the house and into a gym to workout,because I worried about what everyone else would think. The only way to get over that,is to JUST DO IT! Once you get into the gym and start exercising,you will feel more motivated,really helps you feel better.I put on my headphones,listen to positive music and block the rest out.As for eating right when others are not,I take time to prep meals and snacks ahead of time so I can continue to eat right,even if my family is not eating right.BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND KEEP ON MOVING FORWARD!>I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS!:)happy
October 6, 2012 2:20 AM
It's not about them; It's about YOU! When you workout picture yourself somewhere else or someone else, it will stop you concentrating on them. Sounds funny but it works. Have's your life and your time. Go for itheart
October 6, 2012 2:22 AM
My mum thinks it's good that I am trying to lose weight but she doesn't help me at all, one of my brothers is ashamed that his little sister is fat and my other brother just takes for who I am because he was once over weight in his teens so he understands. They all know I have insulin problem but their still ignorant and think I brought this on all myself which is partly true because i would get depressed and over eat but it was sometimes out of their hands I did that.
October 6, 2012 2:28 AM
Do this for you, because you are worth it and want it. Your profile says you're a mum and nurse, and therefore you are used to giving your time, care and love to others, but you must do the same for yourself because you are important in those roles and in your own right.

Ten months ago I wouldn't step foot in a gym because I was too afraid of what other people would think of me and thought I'd be intimidated by all the fit bodies. But I was persuaded to go by a nurse, and I decided I wasn't going to quit, no matter what, because I was so miserable in my own skin, had been through an emotional year of comforting everyone around me when my dad was diagnosed with two cancers. I so wanted to change and do what I could to ensure that my kids didn't have a mum who might end up with some disease because she didn't look after her health. The more I went to that gym, the better I felt about myself, and the more I stopped caring what people thought. Latest achievement, I can now look in the gym mirror when I'm working out! For the last eight months I'd looked anywhere but in the mirror!

Exercise endorphins are wonderful! I still can't believe how much better I feel about myself! I saw a nurse as part of a healthy lifestyle program for a year. She gave me a questionnaire on Day 1, it was to assess my self-confidence, beliefs and happiness. I scored below 5. One year on, same questionnaire answered honestly, I scored 15 (i.e. my mental health has improved threefold). My weight hasn't changed that much but inside I feel younger and lighter!

My husband, despite my best attempts, refuses to take up any form of exercise other than a walk with me at the weekends if the weather is good. He turns his nose up at the healthier foods I eat, as do my kids. But you can't let that stop you, just as you can't change someone, they have to want to change themselves, and you do, so just keep on!

So please hold your head high, ignore jeers or laughs, and get moving, you really can't understand how much better it will make you feel in the long run until you've tried it. You are worth it! Happy to add you to my friend list if you want some daily support and rant about family :happy
October 6, 2012 2:35 AM
I was like you when I started. Refused to workout when anyone was in the house. I hated being watched. I would even do a workout outside in the pouring rain I was that bad. Then it got to the point that I didn't care cause my workout was more important. Do it anyway, if you were outside doing one then more people would be watching. If people have a problem with it, then say "it's only an hour a day I want to myself.... is it that hard?" they soon learn that NOTHING is going to stop you so they may as well give up.

IF it's disturbing others, then either do it quiet (even Zumba can be done with NO noise) or in another part of your home where nobody will even know. I workout in the kitchen believe it or not.
October 6, 2012 2:43 AM
I understand where you're coming from all to well. I live with two people who I feel do the same thing to me. That's mainly why I haven't exercised all that much. They did the health kick themselves and I thought FINALLY I can do this in the open and not be judged. Well, needless to say that didn't last too long for them. A month perhaps before they gave up.

The thing is, I don't want to give up but not doing is just as bad as stopping. So I decided to start small. I have recently changed my eating habits. For two whole days now I've eaten healthier and forgotten how much I enjoy raisins. That is something they can't mock me for. They eat out all the time and I spend a lot of time at work so I can enjoy my low fat (sometimes tasteless) meals in peace.

But that's the thing for me as well. I can't go "cold turkey" so to speak and jump on the Healthy Bandwagon. I couldn't quit smoking that way so I don't think I can start something that way. I sure didn't start smoking 2 packs a day my first day. (By the way, been a year and a half with no smoking.) Little steps. Start small and work your way up. Knock out some simple exercises you can do in private. Pushups, situps, etc first before using the DVD player in the living room.
October 6, 2012 3:08 AM
Is It Really Worth It?

It will require commitment and dedication.

It will require you to say “no” sometimes.

It will require sacrifice.

It won’t be quick.

It won’t be easy.

It won’t be fun all of the time

Your friends will laugh at you for doing things differently.

Your coworkers will gawk and poke fun at your new eating habits.

Your loved ones will call you crazy and ask you to “be normal.”

You will have to change some habits.

You will want to give up.

You will want to go back to bed.

You will want to say “eh, good enough.”

And you will ask yourself: “is it really worth it?”

You’re damn right is is.

You will feel great when you set a new record for push ups.

You will let out a rebel yell when doing your first pull up.

You will feel awesome running faster this week than last week.

You will be amazed at how far you’ve come when looking at old pictures.

You will feel good when people ask “have you been working out?”

You will smile when your kids say “I want to be strong like you!”

You will be surprised when people come to you for fitness advice.

You will feel pride when you look at yourself in the mirror.

You will go to sleep knowing that you’re a better person today than you were yesterday.

It is worth it.
October 6, 2012 3:11 AM
Of course it's worth it - you're worth it aren't you?

Over all these years of yo-yo dieting I've finally realised that it is best to want to do this for me, fullstop, Not for my high bloodpressure, not for my arthritic knee or back - I am doing this for me. Another thing to be aware of is to soften the wording - I had written that I "need" to do this for me. Need puts a lot of pressure on yourself, changing "need" to "want" takes that unwanted pressure away.

Exercise. I walk. When I worked I would head out for an hours walking in my lunch hour (not every day)and have a sammie at my desk when I got back. I managed 5 km. Other days I would do a couple of kms. I walked in all directions from work. Other times I would start walking home from work and my hubby would spot me and pick me up on the way.

I don't go to the gym. I don't even exercise at home because I wouldn't be able to get off the floor if I tackled anything down there LOL And I've lost all this weight by walking when I can and trying to make sure that I don't sit in front of the computer or the tv all day. I might just be taking this thing from that room to this room; taking the washing outside and hanging it on the line and bringing it in when it's dry; cooking tea and another dozen or so trips here and there around the house, but it all helps. And some weeks I can't walk far so I just work on keeping my weight the same. This past week has been one of those where my knee has been playing up and I've put on 100 gms, but in the big scheme of things, that's nothing and I'm okay with it.

Keep going, but do it for YOU, do it for the right reason.
October 6, 2012 3:19 AM
Sweet one, this is your life. Set aside how unsupportive the people surrounding you are for a moment. Does the extra weight hold you back, each and every day? Does it make you feel depressed, and powerless? Do you ever feel worthless and empty? Do you have moments where you are overwhelmed by the weight of the hunger you have inside of you to be the person you feel deep inside, rather than the person you see in the mirror? When stressful things happen, do they feel larger than they should?

I am not saying this to make you feel down. I am reminding you of some of the reasons you may have started to make changes to your life. You know exactly what those were. Write them down, love. Keep them somewhere that you can revisit them when you have times where you feel like quitting.

You are worth so much. Everyone here has taken time to reach out and try to touch you with words, hoping that it makes the difference to you. We have all been there, and still have moments where we are unsure of ourselves, and feel defeated. That's what makes the words that we are sharing now so powerful - they come from understanding and empathy.

I will try not to repeat what others have already said. But I will share a little of my story with you, in the hopes that it may help you to grit your teeth and keep your eyes focussed on your goal.

My daughter just turned 3 the other day. Just before she turned 2 (on Father's Day, actually) we were told she had Mitochondrial Disease - which is life limiting (politically correct way of saying terminal), and was unlikely to live for another 12 months. At the time she had been catatonic for 3 weeks, after a cluster of 14 seizures in 10 days. She is still here. Her prognosis is now possibly several more years (possibly she will even live to finish high school). We pray and we hope for the future, and try to enjoy and appreciate each day.

My husband has been amazing with her, but over the past year has found me to be a very convenient target to vent his hurt, frustration and a fair amount of breath-taking cruelty on. This has made for a very big challenge on top of the obvious ones.

I had my thyroid removed in February this year, which resulted in a weight gain for me. I stopped valuing myself entirely, and pretty much did everything for my kids and nothing for myself and my health. When I woke up (that's how it felt), I realised that I couldn't wait for everyone else to make room for me or support me in the way I would like. I found MFP, and my friends here have been incredibly supportive.

I am very isolated physically, as my whole world revolves around my daughter. I can't ever leave her with anyone, due to her condition, and her father is only home 4 days out of every 16, and those days are often very difficult. A lot of my friends have withdrawn because they don't know how to talk to me, support me or just simply be there. I understand that, but it does hurt.

My mantra is that I refuse to come through all of this without gaining something. I have found an incredible support group here, this is a wonderful tool, and my family do not have to encourage me or make it easy for me, I have all that I need right here, and within myself. We are all fascinating, complex and strong individuals, and certainly this day and age makes it much easier to remove isolation from the equation.

My family are now starting to sit up and take notice, and be a little more positive, but I had to weather some very intense criticism and cruelty before this happened. What I have found is that now that I have a few months behind me of putting my wellbeing and personal goals first, I am a better mum. I cope with stress better. I don't feel like crying nearly as often. I am much more positive. And I'm PROUD of myself. I pushed through, no matter what, and my kids are benefitting each and every day. I run with my little girl in her jogging pram, taking my older daughter to school each day, and am now up to between 30 - 40km every week. Don't know how that happened. I don't feel uncomfortable any more when I work out. I feel strong and empowered.

This is what you have ahead of you. The hurt that you feel when your loved ones are critical about your choices and choose not to support you in the way that they should, that hurt is real. But please don't let it stop you in your tracks and leave you frozen by the pain. Use it to push harder. Each week that goes by will see you a little bit stronger. Look at the last few weeks - gone quickly, haven't they? Or, just look at it each day at a time. Whatever you need.

Keep pouring your heart out here. You will be touched and amazed at the encouragement you will receive. Read other people's stories. Be inspired. You will grow in ways that you will only appreciate in hindsight.

Bless you, dear one, and please don't be disheartened. You're not alone.


PS - so sorry for the length of my reply! Hope it helps


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