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TOPIC: How/When, if ever to tell someone he/she is obese.

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October 5, 2012 9:15 AM
Saying someone is obese is NOT a bad thing to say. It is an observation about their appearance which shouldn't be mocked but if you say someone is : blonde, tall, short, bearded, etc and etc. that's perfectly fine, but the second you describe them as being obese you've crossed the line? Fat is a bad word to call someone, but saying their obese is not. It's the medical term for their size. Not a put down of any kind in my view.
  16789819
October 5, 2012 9:19 AM
It's a tough boundry. But you def. should have some kind of personal or close relationship with the person. From there you will know how to approach it. But even then, it's touchy.

I.E. I have a friend who put on weight, used to be skinny... but I don't know how to say "hey, you put on a few lbs." because OTHERS have and it hurt her feelings. Instead I say "ya know, I do need a work out partner and my boyfriend doesn't want to go with me" It's not SAYING she's over weight, it's offering something to do.

I have another friend, who has always been over weight. I worked with her at Wendy's and she'd complain about it, but pop chicken nuggets in her mouth. Then I heard her give her mom a list of food she wants from the store... it included multiple cereals' 2 flavors of ice cream, and more junk food. But she was not convinced how fat she was, it was more pity. I still to this day don't know how to approach it as she's very sensitive. But I'm sure again, others have made mention.

My boyfriend put on weight since we started living together. (typical guy thing) With him, I know I can be blunt. But I throw it into a joke, and the reason for that, I don't care if it's 500lbs, I'd love him either way... but I care about his health as he has a family history of heart disease. That and his few lbs isn't like, terrible, just could be causing his knee pain.

Finally, I have a cousin, who was a VERY skinny kid. Then one summer blew up. I mean, like, an easy 50lbs in the summer. But she never accepted it, 15 years later, she STILL thinks she's skinny. She takes the angled pics to make herself feel better and have others think she's skinny. She doesn't want to lose weight, and she won't hear that she's fat, she'll bully people instead to make them scared. Her... well, karma sucks, I don't even want to tell her how foolish she looks in skimpy tight clothes with her weight.

So in short... all different people, all different levels of relationship, all different types. It really just matters on who you're dealing with and what kind of relationship you have. But if they're close to you it may be good to say something just in terms of health, not weight. For all you know, that person could be seriously depressed and eating more than usual for comfort.
  26835403
October 5, 2012 9:20 AM
Having many people (of most of whom I don't know very well) tell me that I should lose weight is painful. I know that I am overweight and at this time I am only 30 pounds overweight! I even went to a "Clothing" party recently where I was told there was a "special" catalog for girls my size....this from a skinny hostess that I did not know at all.

My own coworker tells me regularly how I should try this or that....

Don't. We know.
  25226549
October 5, 2012 9:21 AM
QUOTE:

Saying someone is obese is NOT a bad thing to say. It is an observation about their appearance which shouldn't be mocked but if you say someone is : blonde, tall, short, bearded, etc and etc. that's perfectly fine, but the second you describe them as being obese you've crossed the line? Fat is a bad word to call someone, but saying their obese is not. It's the medical term for their size. Not a put down of any kind in my view.


I'm of the opinion that "Fat" isn't a bad word; it's just a word. The negative connotations are what offend people (it's a loaded word); not so much the word itself.

However, the way the word "obese" is used -- in TV, the media and all, does carry a negative connotation. So, when you call your mom obese, (even if she is), she would have a reason to feel badly about it. Because it isn't just a "medical term" for their size --- it's a medical term that is usually (along with the word "fat") used as an insult.
Edited by likearadiowave On October 5, 2012 9:25 AM
October 5, 2012 9:24 AM
QUOTE:

Having many people (of most of whom I don't know very well) tell me that I should lose weight is painful. I know that I am overweight and at this time I am only 30 pounds overweight! I even went to a "Clothing" party recently where I was told there was a "special" catalog for girls my size....this from a skinny hostess that I did not know at all.

My own coworker tells me regularly how I should try this or that....

Don't. We know.


People usually claim the "I am/was just trying to be helpful" (while they may be) thing without realizing how much of a rude twat they come off as.
October 5, 2012 9:29 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Saying someone is obese is NOT a bad thing to say. It is an observation about their appearance which shouldn't be mocked but if you say someone is : blonde, tall, short, bearded, etc and etc. that's perfectly fine, but the second you describe them as being obese you've crossed the line? Fat is a bad word to call someone, but saying their obese is not. It's the medical term for their size. Not a put down of any kind in my view.


I'm of the opinion that "Fat" isn't a bad word; it's just a word. The negative connotations are what offend people (it's a loaded word); not so much the word itself.

However, the way the word "obese" is used -- in TV, the media and all, does carry a negative connotation. So, when you call your mom obese, (even if she is), she would have a reason to feel badly about it. Because it isn't just a "medical term" for their size --- it's a medical term that is usually (along with the word "fat") used as an insult.

The only thing I've herd obese be used as negitive is in health aspects. Obesity carrys a greater risk for "insert random medical complication here" by that logic saying someone is a smoker is a put down ever if they smoke?
  16789819
October 5, 2012 9:31 AM
bump to read later....

but quick reply? Don't most know when they are fat? I know I did/do, smaller than I used to be, but still out of shape. Would it be news if someone tapped me on the shoulder and shared that with me? NO, it would be rude, same as the rude ppl that yell things out at ppl or treat one differently because of physical appearance.

Unsure if the thread will be up later ... as I'm always beyond shocked on the amount of hate for overweight/underweight ppl here.. on a site like this it's a bit shocking to say the least!! It's a weight site, to lose or to gain/maintain, not to be made fun of but to become healthy in our lives.heart

I've not had a chance to read this thread yet but do hope it stays civil unlike the one the other day on the news anchor. indifferent
Edited by Hearts_2015 On October 5, 2012 9:38 AM
October 5, 2012 9:35 AM
No, it would not be appropriate, outside of family and very close friends. Borderline appropriate even then.

HOWEVER, there are ways to discuss without being offensive. For example: "I recently started water aerobics and I love it! My instructor is tough, and I feel really good afterwards. My gym allows us to bring a guest, would you like to join me? It really is quite fun." When the person inevitably says why are you asking, are you calling me fat, you simply say no, I really have fun in the class and though maybe you would enjoy it as well. Also, when you take them to lunch, introduce them to someplace new that offers fresh options and no fried garbage. They might not know how much they like Indian food or some other ethnic food that focuses on fresh, high quality indregients.

Other than that, they have a mirror. They KNOW how big they are.
  4880864
October 5, 2012 9:37 AM
Whoever it is knows they are obese, they don't need you to tell them. If they haven't done anything about it yet it's because they aren't ready or are still in denial.

It's not like just because YOU said it suddenly it will all makes sense and they'll start being healthy.

Shut up and mind your own business.
Edited by MyM0wM0w On October 5, 2012 9:37 AM
  14856563
October 5, 2012 9:37 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Saying someone is obese is NOT a bad thing to say. It is an observation about their appearance which shouldn't be mocked but if you say someone is : blonde, tall, short, bearded, etc and etc. that's perfectly fine, but the second you describe them as being obese you've crossed the line? Fat is a bad word to call someone, but saying their obese is not. It's the medical term for their size. Not a put down of any kind in my view.


I'm of the opinion that "Fat" isn't a bad word; it's just a word. The negative connotations are what offend people (it's a loaded word); not so much the word itself.

However, the way the word "obese" is used -- in TV, the media and all, does carry a negative connotation. So, when you call your mom obese, (even if she is), she would have a reason to feel badly about it. Because it isn't just a "medical term" for their size --- it's a medical term that is usually (along with the word "fat") used as an insult.

The only thing I've herd obese be used as negitive is in health aspects. Obesity carrys a greater risk for "insert random medical complication here" by that logic saying someone is a smoker is a put down ever if they smoke?


No, because the word "Obese" has a stronger negative connotation than the word "Smoker" does. Both carry health risks, but people judge others far more for being obese than they do for someone who happens to be a "Smoker".
Edited by likearadiowave On October 5, 2012 9:38 AM
October 5, 2012 10:36 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! Everyone has to decide for him/herself when it's time to make a change. Take care of your business. Unless the person is blind, they know know they have a weight problem. The person may be dealing with deeper issues and don't need your opinion or observation.

If a person goes to a gym, at least the person is trying. Who made you God?


So retired Mom, your good old friend is doing coke and drinking 9 beers a day. Now what?

Crack a tube and ask 'em to cut me a line?

Serious answer: It has been my experience that self-destructive behaviors are a symptom of other problems. I think that trying to figure out why someone hates his/her life so much that they need beer/coke/cookies to cope with the unceasing nightmare that is his/her life will probably be more fruitful than adding to his/her pain with judgment and reminders that even people who "love" him/her are a source of more pain, instead of a source of comfort.
  14685751
October 6, 2012 2:31 AM
I think you have to be fairly close to them, and I wouldn't come right out and say it. Maybe ask the guy something like,"Oh, those kids probably keep you pretty busy. I imagine you're running around with them all the time." Or maybe go out to lunch with them and order some salad. Or ask them to go on a walk with you... just to get them thinking, and kind of indirectly approach the topic. If someone, even my mother, called me obese I'd go home and dig into a pint of ice cream lol. It's such a sensitive topic, and you never know how the person is going to take it. I'd say never say it outright, just to avoid hurting their feelings.. and your relationship with them.

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