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TOPIC: Do you ever feel obligated to eat?

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September 18, 2012 11:01 AM
It takes a long time to get over this. After 2.5 years, I still have lapses, but they are fewer and farther between. Just keep practicing saying no thank you. Also, make a rule for yourself that you have to log as accurately as possible, each and every food item. You'll find yourself choosing only one or two items instead a little of everything which can fill the plate very quickly.

Practice Practice Practice. Not perfection. You'll find what works for you.
  1776158
September 18, 2012 11:01 AM
I think the breakthrough for me was the first time I actually resisted, and didn't eat. I wondered if I would regret it later, like as in I could have had all this great, free stuff and I missed out on it for no good reason.

In reality, I do feel a little bit like that. But I feel a much stronger sense of pride. Like as in how pround I am that I was able to resist, and pride that I really am losing weight despite all the obsticles. It makes it so much easier to resist the second time, and then the third time... eventually resisting should become a habit and not so much work. (Still waiting for that to happen. lol)
  21328392
September 18, 2012 11:05 AM
I actually eat at community lunch/dinners and manage to control myself for the most part, so it can be done..sometimes when it comes to birthday parties for the little ones, I'll have a plate of food and one dessert..sometimes I feel better having a scoop of ice cream instead of a 400 calorie cake..laugh so it can be done in proper moderation. I have on times, gone overboard at functions and free meals..my problem is..eating at home and binging on my cravings..I've struggled with this for almost 2 years and on my second round of "trying again" and again, learning proper balance.
September 18, 2012 11:06 AM
Only at grandma's house, lately I am glad that I live so far away (she is in MN and I am in AZ). I love her to death but she thinks I am tiny and need to eat (I am still overweight). A trip to grandma's house means 3 plates full of food and a large helping of dessert for every meal. While she eats 1 plate and 1/2 a helping of dessert she will then stare you down till you are shoveling in the food just to get away from that look. On my last visit I gained 15 lbs in 2 weeks. Unfortunatly, that seems to be the way she shows you she cares by feeding you until you are ready to burst.
September 18, 2012 11:07 AM
Love Poodlelaise's response!
Edited by ronitabur On September 18, 2012 11:08 AM
  1776158
September 18, 2012 11:07 AM
Never or at least since January when I started this new lifestyle journey. Now I don't care. I'm not eating it if it doesn't fit in my calories.
  20634412
September 18, 2012 11:13 AM
QUOTE:

Anyone who has grown up in a big Italian family understands obligated to eat. The first family function I took my now husband to, he was shoveling away food as soon as we got there. I had to explain this was just the appetizers. "You means there's more?!"
I just try to take smaller portions or "just a taste" of only the things I really feel I "must" have.


Oh goodness, this is my family. They don't just have "dinner" it's ..dinner, then 2nd dinner.. then 3rd dinner and probably desert too. This is how I learned to eat..needless to say it wasn't very good for my waistline. Now I just take teeny bits of things and log everything.
  26632427
September 18, 2012 11:13 AM
I absolutely know what you mean! For me, family gatherings are the worse. It's food you grew up with, so regardless of what type of food is there, it's comforting because it's been apart of your life for such a long time. I've tried eating before the gathering, but then everybody asks "why aren't you eating?" which is just a constant reminder of all the yummy food I can't (well, shouldn't) eat. At the same time, it's a very accomplishing feeling to go home and know you made a good choice though!
September 18, 2012 11:14 AM
I have had that happen on my husbands mothers side of the family. They can put away two or three platefuls of food, and i only eat a quarter of the plate because lets be honest that is enough for me to eat, even when i was pregnant. Then i get the questions "Aren't you still hungry? If you leave here hungry its your own fault. Is my cooking not good enough?" And I explain to them that i just don't have a big appetite and while everything is good, i just don't eat much. happy

Then its the "Are you going to eat dessert?" I usually stay away or look for the healthiest one there because their idea of dessert is a pretty much every sweet thing you can think of piled into four plates, including cookies, brownies etc. grumble The healthiest thing that his aunt makes deals with strawberries and pretzels, and i take a square and nibble on it. happy

By the time we leave there, i feel pretty good knowing that i didn't gorge on stuff and that whatever i didn't shovel into my mouth is a proud moment. And I am okay with that! bigsmile
Edited by NavyKnightAh13 On September 18, 2012 11:16 AM
  17817205
September 18, 2012 11:15 AM
I'm all over this thread!!! I'm a social worker, so alot of times when I go to visit someone at their house they are putting out snacks for us to munch on. It's a cultural thing for us, where almost everything is done around food, so I really feel obligated to eat a little. But if I go and visit 3 or 4 families in a day, you can understand how difficult that can be. It's a bit easier now because some people have noticed the weight loss and only offer coffee or water. One foster parent I work with was a bit cheeky and put out a bowl of lettuce and some carrot sticks.....so I ate the carrot sticks.... tongue ohwell

With our company things, I know that if there are any leftovers that they take it to the local food back / soup kitchen, so I know it's not going to be wasted, and I don't NEED to eat some.

At buffets etc, I figure they waste so much all day anyways, that me eating a little extra isn't going to make a difference.

I used to have alot of problems when my kids left food on their plates at a restaurant, but now that theya re teenagers, there's never anything left on their plates and they are picking off mine!!! LOL.

Just do your best to resist, and log every little bite. glasses drinker
  23397471
September 18, 2012 11:22 AM
if someone knows i'm trying to be healthy and does stuff like that (trying to talk me into eating crap) then I know they are trying to sabatoge my efforts and I don't feel the least big obligated. if someone has no idea and brings me a treat, i take it and graciously thank them, and then give it away or freeze it for having a small piece at a time later. my body comes first and i'm not eating junk food just for the sake of it. i have a very strong will though. and this weekend i have two functions to attend, while I'm on the 21-day Sugar Detox. The first is at a wine bar for drinks and dinner,,,,,,, i'm having unsweetened tea, and i've already logged on and looked at their menu to see what is safe for me to order within my plan. The second is "family day" for my hubby's company at the zoo. they are providing stuff we can't eat.... so we're bringing our own food. (salad and meat) we just have to plan ahead.....
September 18, 2012 11:40 AM
It is really good to know we are not alone in this struggle. My major guilt times are family events and social gatherings. It was taught and reinforced strongly that you are when there was free food or you didn't eat later. And that Aunt who also feels like it is a personal attack when you do not eat her pie. (Which i ran into a few weekends back due to me being gluten free and now she refuses to talk to me. Even though I explained it makes me sick.) Agh! I still feel guilty from that. It is still a bad habit I am having issues with. Especially Sunday Family dinners. When I limit myself and eat the appropriate amount they all pester me if I got enough to eat. *sigh*

I feel like I have made a lot of progress in this area but I still have a long way to go.
Edited by bowties_r_cool On September 18, 2012 11:41 AM
September 19, 2012 8:42 AM
QUOTE:

I think the breakthrough for me was the first time I actually resisted, and didn't eat. I wondered if I would regret it later, like as in I could have had all this great, free stuff and I missed out on it for no good reason.

In reality, I do feel a little bit like that. But I feel a much stronger sense of pride. Like as in how pround I am that I was able to resist, and pride that I really am losing weight despite all the obsticles. It makes it so much easier to resist the second time, and then the third time... eventually resisting should become a habit and not so much work. (Still waiting for that to happen. lol)
  10553083

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