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TOPIC: Staying on track while partner eats whatever they want

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November 15, 2012 6:50 AM
I'm in the same boat. My husband eats whatever he wants and rarely works out, yet remains trim and toned (*shaking my fist*).

We eat VERY differently, so I do the cooking. I don't buy junk food and don't eat much processed food, so that helps. But, when he comes home with the kettle chips, I immediately grab a salad or fruit and peanut butter. When he grills steaks I ask him to throw on some chicken for me. It makes things a little complicated, but my weight loss is about ME and sheer willpower usually gets me away from the foods he eats.
November 15, 2012 6:51 AM
Hmmm. There's not that much you can do except muster the old will power I'm afraid! I cook at home and pretty much always make us different meals. I've just got used to it now. My oh loves to eat chocolate at night so I always make sure I have cals left over to have some too or I get grumpy.
November 15, 2012 6:53 AM
My hubby does the cooking but I'll usually make a substitution for the side dish so he can have pasta or fries or whatever with his main protein, but I'll make a baked potato, veggies, or a big salad as my side. I also don't let him do up my plate so that I can weigh and measure and keep my portions down.
November 15, 2012 6:55 AM
I don't have very good suggestions, but I can share my experience:

I am a vegetarian and I hate cheese, while my partner is a meat eater who likes cheese a lot, but is allergic to garlic.
This means that we are very accustomed at having completely different meals. Unless it's pizza, or pasta with veggies, or something like that, our plates will never look the same.
This helped me a lot when I decided to move to healthy eating, because I was used to not having his same things on my plate and to cooking different meals.

Maybe cooking separate meals will work for you as well?

It wasn't all nice and fluffy anyway, though, because he would snack on crisps very often, or eat other things I like and that aren't good for my health, so I can't have as much as he has - this caused some cravings and a bit of frustration to me.
Now, whenever I have cravings caused by his snacks, I just either eat a tiny portion myself, or eat something that I really like and is healthy (fruits work wonders for me).

Things are going to change soon for him too, since his last blood tests were showing an abnormal amount of cholesterol and fat, so I predict pour plates will look much more similar in the future.
November 15, 2012 6:59 AM
My husband and I always cook different things for dinner. That way, he gets what (and as much) as he wants, and I'm in total control of what I eat. This wouldn't work for everyone, as we don't have kids to cook for, but it really helps us. He doesn't eat lunch, so he has a large breakfast and a large dinner, whereas I eat smaller portions but much more often. Hope you're able to find a method that works for you!

Both of us find it hard to control weight/portions when eating out. Some say, just "box half" and eat the other half. It doesn't work great for us, because we're usually on our way to an event when we eat out, so the boxed food ends up sitting in the car for 3 hours. (Yuck.) So, in essence we'd end up wasting half. grumble As some have noted, though, I'd prefer being thinner to not wasting food.
November 15, 2012 7:02 AM
My hubby eats what he wants and doesn't have weight issues. I do most of the cooking and he does some but overall our meals aren't the issue. Try to cook more than you go out for meals. Buy lots of fresh ingredients and have a plan for how you're gonna use them. Explain your goals to him and tell him you're eating healthier/less.

Its the snacks that are a real problem for me though. He likes cookies, potato chips and chocolate. While I don't mind these things in moderation its always an issue for me to stop at one serving. So buy things pre-portioned, or portion them out yourself into individual servings. If he brings something home that I know is going to be an issue or that I want to avoid all together I put it on top of or in the back of the pantry where I won't see it and forget about it.

Try setting goals for yourself related to your weaknesses around him with food. If you overeat when you go out decide that you'll ask for a to -go container when your food comes and not give yourself the option to eat everything your served. If you drink too many calories make it a goal to double your water intake instead. If its mindless snacking take a few minutes before eating a snack, think about it and drink some water. Then decide if you really want to eat it.

All of these things have helped me at some point. Hopefully they help you too. Be smart, set small goals and you'll do fine!
November 15, 2012 7:05 AM
It is very hard for me, b/c he can eat whatever. And I feel like he is not very supportive or someone that motovates me. Which makes being on this journey extremely difficult. Not having someone telling you good job when i work out, or anything really positive makes me fail a lot, and I just give up. I know I am not doing this for him. But support is still huge.
November 15, 2012 7:15 AM
My man is a chef but I can honestly say the foods he chooses to eat at home are NOT healthy. He loves Chinese take-away, calzone pizza, burgers etc BUT thankfully will eat what I cook for him, and I do most of the cooking at home since he has to cook all the time at work. He fancied some supper last night, we were watching a late film on tv, I feel quite pleased with myself that I made him crispy chicken dippers (now that they are finished from the freezer I won't get any more) with coleslaw but didn't fancy having anything myself. In the past I would have shared the portion with him.
November 15, 2012 7:19 AM
My DH is 6'0" 185, sits on his butt playing video games while I go work out, eats what he wants and drinks sodas and real sugar in his coffee, all day. He has health issues that limit his ability to workout and eat veggies( Crohn's, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Fibromyalgia) We walk together a few times a week and he occasionally enjoys swimming. I put on a lot of my weight by not making adjustments for the fact that I cannot eat like him and I must workout hard to lose any weight. I don't crave salty snacks often so his snacks don't bother me, I just keep things here I can have if I want something and watch my portions. I cook at home quite a bit, most days I make a meat we can both have, a starchy side that he can have as much as he likes and I'll have a small serving, then I add a nice salad or steamed veggies for me. If I'm making stew or pasta sauce I augment mine with either salad or adding frozen spinach or veggies and a bit more unsalted chicken broth to a small portion. Eating out is not a problem, I actually like many of the healthier options and he is fine with me telling the waiter to only bring a few slices of bread or rolls to the table, not a basket full. Last night for example after Zumba I came home and made sauteed fish fillets, he made rice in our microwave cooker, while I heated up a steamer bag of spinach and couscous. Those steamer bags are my best friend for adding veggies to my meal. I will add he is very supportive of my goals, 90% of the time. If he is really wanting something that I like that is high in calories, he lets me know early in the day and I eat more veggies and less calorie dense foods early on and add extra gym time, so we can go and enjoy. I still monitor my portions, but I find ways to fit in our favorites without ruining my progress.
Edited by Julicat6 On November 15, 2012 7:22 AM
November 15, 2012 7:26 AM
My live in boyfriend refuses to "diet " with me. At first this was hard to deal with but I finially got to the point where if you don't like what I cook, cook for yourself. I tried to make healthier versions of what he likes or I would make a side of french fries for him while I ate veggies. Also make sure you google the resturant before you go out to eat. Find the nutrion facts and pick something that will work with your remaining cals. It is so much easier to decied at home at the computer then in the resturant smelling the yummy food. Avoid rolls, breads, or chips that come to the table free of charge and fill up on salad not appitiZers. If you set your mind to fitting it into your day it will be easy to watch him eat crap while you are eating healthy.
November 15, 2012 7:41 AM
Substitutions! If he wants fast food I order the grilled chicken sandwich with mustard instead of mayo. If he wants pasta I make him noodles and spaghetti squash for myself. Try to find a similar food to what he's having, but a low calorie version so you don't feel deprived.
November 15, 2012 8:33 AM
wow, so many people seem to be dealing with this issue- myself included!!!

in the past (because i work ALOT) my boyfriend will make dinner so its ready when i come home. well now, hes still offering to do that, but when i watch him cook it makes me CRINGE!! he does not measure anything at all and doesnt take into account that I need to be counting that!! it offends him and doesnt understand that i need to be doing things a different way now.
November 20, 2012 6:07 AM
So glad it is not just my live in BF that does all of this!!!!!! He loves to cook and will always make out my plate and if I dont finish it he asks me if everything was okay. I cant believe I never thought about just making my own plate so we dont split 50/50.

Something I have learned is to not lean on him for a work out buddy. His wants to diet and go to the gym arent as strong as mine so he will be good for a few weeks then fall off the bandwagon, which causes me to fall off too. Now MFP is my workout buddy :)
November 20, 2012 6:14 AM
Reach an agreement now that it's OK to eat differently. Sometimes hubs and I have the same thing for meals, but usually not. Sometimes I'll have part of the same thing he eats. Our daughter will sometimes have one, sometimes the other.

We don't do laundry together either.

You can structure your relationship any old unconventional way you want as long as the two of you work it out together.
November 20, 2012 1:05 PM
Ah, yes. I live this, too.

I usually do the cooking, simply because I enjoy it. Since my transition back to low-carb, I have really stepped up the creativity with the vegetables. My BF is happy to eat what I make (usually lol) but sometimes he wants pasta, sandwich, etc. In that case, I'll tack that onto whatever else I'm making for myself. It's not a whole lot of work for me.

My BF is supportive of my changes, but not vocally so. It's more like he just doesn't mention it. This may be because he's watched me try and fail so many times at losing weight. He has his own weight and health issues, and I know I used to nag him endlessly about the soda and bags of chips... in the end, he makes his own choices. All I can do is suggest. I hope that he will see how much better I feel, and he'll join me on this journey.
November 20, 2012 7:43 PM
Just remember what's important to you. Keep strong and remember that what you do today will affect you later in life. It was hard at first when my husband was the same way. But I look up foods before I order them to make sure I'm making good food choices. It's been a couple years but my husband is slowly coming around too. It may take some time, but you need to remember what's important to you. The ones that love you will follow suit. Stay strong girl!
November 20, 2012 10:57 PM
Yup, being healthy around partners can be challenging. :) I gained about 30 pounds in 2-3 years largely because my husband and I had been splitting food pretty evenly (he's 6'5", I'm 5'7"), he doesn't pay as much attention to fat/sugar when he cooks (which is most of the time), and I started eating much more fast food (as a vegetarian, I hadn't really been going to McDonald's/Burger King/etc. much on day trips/getaways before we met due to their limited veggie options, but he does eat meat and doesn't like Subway).

Especially since he does most of the cooking, it's helpful for both my husband and me to be on the same page about my goals. We're far from perfect, but here are some things that we have tried:
*Splitting food so that it's 2/5 for me, 3/5 for him instead of half and half
*Checking in about shared meals in advance so that I can plan out the rest of my meals and decide how much I want to exercise and when
*If he really wants pizza/other unhealthy delivery, he mostly orders things that I actively dislike and something smaller/healthier for me to nibble on if I'm hungry
*Me taking more ownership over what I decide to consume in the face of temptation since no one has been force-feeding me :P
*Doing more active things together (ie kayaking, walking, bike riding, etc.)
*Communicating frequently about progress and challenges
Edited by szarlotka717 On November 20, 2012 10:59 PM


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