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TOPIC: Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

 
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July 8, 2012 9:29 AM
QUOTE:

Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

I don't think it's shallow. I think we need to look closer at the person on the inside though, before we make too many judgements.


Totally agree with this. You can't "make" yourself feel something towards someone - it's either there or it's not. On the other hand, a person's personality can make them much more attractive. Looks are only one part of it in my experience.
July 8, 2012 9:30 AM
you like what you like, and not much will change that. it's not shallow. it's normal.


i'm not attracted to overweight people, but people can always lose weight!
they generally don't get a new personality ;)
  23299295
July 8, 2012 9:31 AM
Well, it depends. And, if you use celebrity crushes as an example, I can appreciate David Beckham and Jeff Garlin (from Curb Your Enthusiam). Two very different types, attractive for different reasons.
  5132205
July 8, 2012 9:31 AM
Its all about how the person reacts to it.

If some girl asks a guy out and he says no, sorry not interested but thank you.

That is one thing

If the girl asks the guy out and the guy says "No fat chicks"

Then you know... you are just a shallow douche.
Edited by Cold_Steel On July 8, 2012 9:31 AM
  9038205
July 8, 2012 9:32 AM
Being an overweight woman myself, I used to find it shallow...when I was young and desperate for someone to like me. Now, however? I realize that while personality, faith, trust, and all that kind of stuff is most important in a relationship, there's in the end, no relationship at all if there's no physical attraction. In order to have that physical attraction, you need to be attracted to their appearance. Sometimes people change, and they learn they like different (so it may be wise to not immediately dismiss it, because you could very well be surprised), but otherwise, it's not shallow. Some men prefer heavier women. It'd be like saying their shallow for preferring big women over small.
Edited by jyuubi On July 8, 2012 9:33 AM
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July 8, 2012 9:33 AM
Not being attracted to overweight people is a preference. If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted.

I think the difference is when you refuse to date someone that you might otherwise date BECAUSE they are overweight is shallow.
July 8, 2012 9:35 AM
It's also about biology. We're supposed to be attracted to healthy mates because healthy mates = healthy offspring. That's why I think there's a natural lack of attraction to any extreme -- both obesity and skinniness.
  24666142
July 8, 2012 9:36 AM
It may not be shallow to some, but if you lose weight the same guy will try to date you that turned you down when you was overweight! I personally think it shallow. because you can't relate weight to health in all cases, I you are only going to date people who are smaller you are going to miss out on the good things in life. And i do have preferences but not in people only good or bad one's is all that matter other things like teeth, weight can be fixed.
July 8, 2012 9:36 AM
I am not attracted to men or women who are overweight either and I don't think it's shallow.

I associate fatness with laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. I'd rather my partner was fit and active.
July 8, 2012 9:41 AM
Physical attributes are just as important in attraction as, say, personality. You can find someone funny, charming, even downright likeable but if you can't accept the whole package then it's not going to work.

I've been overweight my whole life and I've never found it shallow that guys didn't want me because I was fat. The only thing I ever found shallow was when I was rejected--publicly--by a crush because I was "weird." Because I happened to dress in darker clothing and I had short hair, a lot of people thought I was weird, a Satanist, or a butch lesbian and that's what he judged me on, unconfirmed stereotypes.

Unfortunately what I've noticed is these pro-heavy girl mantras floating around that tend to turn a heavy girl toward that mindset the same way someone might say, "oh you just said that because you're racist" when race isn't even the issue. It's fine to be okay with yourself, but you can't take any and all rejection as a direct offense. If they don't feel attracted to your size, to you as you are, would you honestly want to be with them?
July 8, 2012 9:41 AM
I don't think it's shallow. As a woman I'm not attracted to overweight men nor am I attracted to the bodybuilder type either. It's how you portray your actions that can make you look shallow. Calling someone, a body type or even a size as "gross" or "ewww" or being rude and condescending makes you shallow IMO.
  16497439
July 8, 2012 9:42 AM
you had me at, 'turbodouche!' ;)
July 8, 2012 9:43 AM
It's not really shallow. I probably wouldn't date an overweight guy, strictly because I want to continue with my goals and I think maybe the influence would not be all too great on myself. I would try getting to know them first before I start anything serious, just to learn their habits and personality. I, myself am overweight . If something did spark between us, I may encourage dieting and exercise to have a healthy lifestyle. But I won't ever tell a guy, "Ummm.... you are not my "type" so I don't want to get to know you" (I hope people wouldn't be so harsh as to say that, but you get what I'm saying).
  23600575
July 8, 2012 9:44 AM
QUOTE:

It may not be shallow to some, but if you lose weight the same guy will try to date you that turned you down when you was overweight! I personally think it shallow. because you can't relate weight to health in all cases, I you are only going to date people who are smaller you are going to miss out on the good things in life. And i do have preferences but not in people only good or bad one's is all that matter other things like teeth, weight can be fixed.


Yeah that'd be the shallow person. That would also be the person that, first sign of grey hair or a wrinkle, they'd be trolling for booty again. It's all fine and dandy if they think you're now attractive at a thinner weight but they need to remember they rejected you in the past and it looks rather stupid to shut the door in someone's face figuratively yet 6 or 12 months later be on your knees begging for a chance.
July 8, 2012 9:46 AM
What I find interesting is not the fact that most fit people are not attracted to others who are overweight, that seems consistent... You want to look good and have a nice body to play with and look at. However, the fact that many overweight people only like others who are thin or fit baffles my mind!!!

I have a dear friend who is, at least, 150 lbs overweight. She only dates very fit and muscular, 6 pack-touting men. She seems to be able to pick them up but none want a relationship with her. I think they're curious about having sex with a heavy-set woman and might find it fun for a bit, but don't want to make it a permanent part of their world. I hinted at the fact that more relationship prospects might open if she lost weight but she gets deeply offended. I just don't get it!
  10804198
July 8, 2012 9:48 AM
Saying someone is not attractive because they are over weight is shallow, saying that you are not attracted to them is not. As someone else said, we are attracted to what we are attracted too.
July 8, 2012 9:50 AM
QUOTE:


If you are gay, and that's why you aren't attracted to a woman, that woman knows there is nothing they can do to attract you. So they walk away, thinking, "He rejected me because of something I can't help". There is no reason for them to beat themselves up. They can't change their gender, right?

However, if you reject them because they are fat, well... They CAN help that, in most cases. Your rejection of them because of their weight is a reminder to them that they are failing in some aspect of being attractive. They can take that much more personally and beat themselves up about it.



Hmm. Now I'm starting to get a clearer picture of where this whole shallow argument comes from. Though I don't agree with it, I'm starting to see why some women might feel that way.
July 8, 2012 9:57 AM
I suppose nobody can help the way they feel - but I don't see that it would be necessary to admit that it's someone's weight that puts you off; that could be hurtful. I would prefer the guy to use a more tactful excuse (even if it was a white lie!).

My husband openly admits that he finds me less attractive than when I was slimmer frown - we have quite a few arguments about it, and yes - I have accused him of being shallow sometimes! But I think it's slightly different when you're actually married, as opposed to meeting for the first time. I know some people may take my husband's side in this, but it does make me feel very resentful towards him on occasions. (I am always reading about other women whose partner's seem to tell them they are beautiful regardless of their size! Trust me not to have picked a man like that! huh )

Personally, I am quite attracted to guys who are a bit on the chunky side! wink
July 8, 2012 10:00 AM
I just think everyone is different.. It's not about being shallow. We like what we like.. For example, I tend to like skinny guys, although not too skinny. I still like some meat on their bones... but I'm also not into overly buff/muscular guys. Not sure why.. And I'm not trying to be picky by any means, but thats my preference. Though i've dated guys of all sizes.
  22244051
July 8, 2012 10:04 AM
QUOTE:

I am not attracted to men or women who are overweight either and I don't think it's shallow.

I associate fatness with laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. I'd rather my partner was fit and active.


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  24178952
July 8, 2012 10:08 AM
QUOTE:

What I find interesting is not the fact that most fit people are not attracted to others who are overweight, that seems consistent... You want to look good and have a nice body to play with and look at. However, the fact that many overweight people only like others who are thin or fit baffles my mind!!!

I have a dear friend who is, at least, 150 lbs overweight. She only dates very fit and muscular, 6 pack-touting men. She seems to be able to pick them up but none want a relationship with her. I think they're curious about having sex with a heavy-set woman and might find it fun for a bit, but don't want to make it a permanent part of their world. I hinted at the fact that more relationship prospects might open if she lost weight but she gets deeply offended. I just don't get it!


You just reminded me of a woman I used to know. She herself wasn't that in shape, in fact I'd say she was overweight to some degree but she did work out. Her boyfriend, however, was massive. He was morbidly obese, going for 400lbs and she wanted him that way, she instigated his bad eating habits. The weird thing was she hated all other "fat" people and didn't find any of them attractive. Her celebrity crushes were guys with six packs yet she was in love with a man who was easily three of said crushes squished in one. I got into a debate over it once with her and all she could do was scream about fat people being ugly, disgusting, etc and that's why she was trying to be as thin as possible. When I brought up her boyfriend and his apparent weight she acted like it was normal and then admitted it was some fetish. Her logic boggled me but I suspected she wasn't altogether there in the head.
July 8, 2012 10:11 AM
I am personally attracted to women who have a little cushion if you will, rather than really skinny, model looking women. Nothing against women of all shapes and sizes, that's just what does it for me, so do not think that how you feel is shallow.

On a side note, being a geeky guy, I find it humorous when I hear women ranting about a man being shallow and all. It's kind of two faced when a woman gets all upset over a man being shallow but will not give a geeky guys the time of day before even attempting to get to know us. :P

Let's see, average, handsome jock who has always had it easy with the ladies versus a geeky guy who has to really work for anything in the social area including girlfriends. Which one do you think is gonna be more loyal to the woman who gives him a chance? :P
July 8, 2012 10:12 AM
As a biology student, I would argue it's purely in the interest of the continuation of genetic lines. Fitness is a huge biological determinant in choosing a mate, and that's not muscular fitness, but fitness as it relates to an individual's ability to both survive to reproductive age and produce the most offspring. Though we can override more basic instincts in choosing a mate (ie opting for someone who is heavier based on more cognizant attraction) this is still ingrained into our behavior, and manifests itself as sexual attraction. Obesity is not congruent with biological fitness, which may explain why you don't typically find huge amounts of people who are sexually attracted to obese people.
  1888305
July 8, 2012 10:16 AM
Maybe it's because of my personal experience but for me, the overweight thing puts me off because it's unhealthy and I don't want to get serious with someone who lives an unhealthy lifestyle; I'm worried I'll end up fearing for their life in ten years.
  23705048
July 8, 2012 10:31 AM
QUOTE:

Well, homosexual is a biological trait, not a trait of mere 'preference'. You haven't learned to be attracted to men from glossy magazines, Photoshopped images and society's ideals of beauty. So I don't know that the comparison of rejection is really valid.

If you are gay, and that's why you aren't attracted to a woman, that woman knows there is nothing they can do to attract you. So they walk away, thinking, "He rejected me because of something I can't help". There is no reason for them to beat themselves up. They can't change their gender, right?

However, if you reject them because they are fat, well... They CAN help that, in most cases. Your rejection of them because of their weight is a reminder to them that they are failing in some aspect of being attractive. They can take that much more personally and beat themselves up about it.

In general, though.... I wouldn't say it's necessarily shallow to not be attracted to overweight people. To me, overweight signals that the person is not taking care of themselves and they do not lead the sort of life style that I want to lead, and we'd likely not be a good match. I'd be much more wary of them as a potential partner than someone fit.


Best point Anna! Than you. I would like to add that I am wary of super fit people as well... let's face it some Sunday mornings I would rather read posts and sip coffee then going on an adventure.
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