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TOPIC: I don't know what to do.... divorce?

 
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May 31, 2012 10:57 AM
I am posting this again, anyone who is getting married, just did, has a crappy relationship or has been married forever... read it.

It's about edification and we do it when we date and we can do it while we are married.


"The five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman
May 31, 2012 11:14 AM
QUOTE:

I am posting this again, anyone who is getting married, just did, has a crappy relationship or has been married forever... read it.

It's about edification and we do it when we date and we can do it while we are married.


"The five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman


Great book. :)
  20342731
May 31, 2012 6:14 PM
QUOTE:

I am posting this again, anyone who is getting married, just did, has a crappy relationship or has been married forever... read it.

It's about edification and we do it when we date and we can do it while we are married.


"The five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages I think.
May 31, 2012 6:33 PM
So tired of people just walking out on marriages like it is a casual thing. Sighs. People throw it away like trash. Nothing is easy. Marriage is not easy. There are many ups and downs, falling in and out of love but sticking with it is what makes long happy marriages.
  11104602
June 1, 2012 1:16 AM
I'm all for the idea that relationships are hard and need working at.

However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy? If you've made a mistake, learn from it, move on, but you don't have to stick with the mistake just cos you made a decision in the past.

I don't know the situation specifically, but from what I've read it sounds just like something I've experienced.

I was in a relationship where I felt like that. Where I was trapped and couldn't experience the world. We broke up and it literally changed my life. I grew in confidence, got closer with my friends and made great new friends. I had the best time for years, and then at a later date decided I was in a position where I was ready for a relationship now.

If I had have stayed with the first relationship, I would have always resented her for feeling like I'd missed out on so much of life, and to be honest I would have been right, cos I WAS missing so much.

Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do. The way I could see counselling working is when you just start to go off or dislike the person. You can talk and realise what's making you feel like that and maybe resolve it. When part of it is external that you feel you are missing something by being with that person, then I don't know how you can ever resolve that properly. There is always going to be a part of you that regrets the things you never did.
June 2, 2012 7:55 AM
I just wanted to add that me and my husband have worked this out and we feel more connected now then we ever have. TV and movies give you a fairytale image of what a marriage should be like and that is not the case! Marriage is tough but it can still be fun and romantic if you choose for it to be.

I have read some comments here where people say I was to young and immature and all that jazz. I do not think age has anything to do with whether a marriage survives or not. When you know you know no matter what age you are.

Also, a quick engagement isn't the cause either. When you know you know.

Please do not quickly judge that I am immature or that I do not take marriage vows seriously. I do.

And again thank you all for the tough love and support! I cannot wait to spend many more years with my husband! Our 1 year anniversary is on june 11th :) and we are expecting! due on christmas
June 3, 2012 8:42 PM
That's what happens when you marry at 18. At 18, everyone is too damn immature and unstable to take such a huge responsabiity like marriage, upon themselves. No one is 100% ready at that age.

Next time when you pick another man, try not to get married out of lust.

You should talk to the poor guy and tell him exactly how you feel. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
Edited by GiaFox On June 3, 2012 8:43 PM
June 3, 2012 9:19 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.


No kidding. I wonder how parents anymore have skipped teaching this very important lesson to thier kids.

It's mind blowing.


Agreed
June 3, 2012 9:50 PM
QUOTE:


However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy?

Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do.


Good luck with life, you're gonna need it with that attitude!
  17422854
June 3, 2012 9:59 PM
Try everything possible before a divorce. Marriage is a vow, and not one to be taken lightly I don't think. I intend to marry the man I'm with now, and it means the world to me to do so, but that could be just me.

The longer you live with him, you may grow to love him in a different way than when you married him. You clearly do care for him as you don't seem to want him to be too upset.

I'm sorry I have horrible advice, or I may be repeating everything everyone has said.

This post makes me feel sad (not intending to be offensive), I hope you find happiness in your marriage, even if you have to work a little harder at it earlier on, it may pay off down the road.
June 3, 2012 10:01 PM
QUOTE:

I just wanted to add that me and my husband have worked this out and we feel more connected now then we ever have. TV and movies give you a fairytale image of what a marriage should be like and that is not the case! Marriage is tough but it can still be fun and romantic if you choose for it to be.

I have read some comments here where people say I was to young and immature and all that jazz. I do not think age has anything to do with whether a marriage survives or not. When you know you know no matter what age you are.

Also, a quick engagement isn't the cause either. When you know you know.

Please do not quickly judge that I am immature or that I do not take marriage vows seriously. I do.

And again thank you all for the tough love and support! I cannot wait to spend many more years with my husband! Our 1 year anniversary is on june 11th :) and we are expecting! due on christmas


Very happy for you both!
June 3, 2012 10:08 PM
Try to fix your problems, talk it out, don't it throw away unless you have other problems as abuse , but sounds like you have a guy that truly cares they are hard to find that want to commit, i married at 16 been married to same man 57 years no regrets only that i hadn't been stupid at times , the paths we take together sometimes cause us to take a rabbit trail and we get off the path , get counseled at least try to fix it, what kind of fun do you want that you can't receive with your husband....you may make a mistake you will regret, many say "the first marriage was right if I had only tried". Hope this helps
June 3, 2012 10:08 PM
Marriage is about fixing what is broken rather than throwing it away. Seems to me that this guy would bend over backwards to make you happy, and you're just acting spoiled.
Edited by pbprincess On June 3, 2012 10:09 PM
  16667686
June 3, 2012 10:10 PM
I am happy you have talked with your husband and worked everything out. Marriage is hard and boring sometimes. My husband and I had a very short courtship and we have been married for 15 years. Happy Anniversary!! Congratulations on your pregnancy also. Good luck to you!
Edited by poundsgalore On June 3, 2012 10:11 PM
  1271389
June 3, 2012 10:12 PM
QUOTE:

Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
ps: yes, I'm married.


truth
June 3, 2012 10:16 PM
QUOTE:

This thread has given me faith in today's time. Not with what the OP had said and asked, but with the responses it evoked.

I was sure that I was the only one that saw marriage as a partnership, team, whole-hearted commitment that bonds two people together in promise through thick and thin. The way things are today with movie stars going through marriages like a hot knife through butter, so many people divorcing now because of things like "we didnt connect" or "it got boring" (thats why you court the woman. So you build a relationship.) The responders all have the same idea that I was brought up with.

Important core values that are damaged like abusive behaviour or unfaithfulness should not be tolerated at all. No man should lay a finger on his wife, or evoke any pain emotionally or physically. He is there to protect and provide for her. If he beats you, OP, then leave. I dont stand for that. But if you are just bored from him providing for you and caring for you, why would you want to leave him? Open marriages seem so fake to me. I could not stand the thought of my woman being humped by other men to try a new appendage, nor would I ever want to make love to a woman who is not mine because I want to get off to something new. It's unethical and not really what marriage is about.

Endure, forgive and forget, and keep your promises.


Couldn't have said it better.
June 3, 2012 11:21 PM
Are you in danger? If you are, speak up, admit it, and go as fast as you can. If not, i suggest working on it.
June 3, 2012 11:50 PM
If he's not abusing you or cheating on you, try everything you can to make it work...
June 4, 2012 12:00 AM
QUOTE:

I'm all for the idea that relationships are hard and need working at.

However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy? If you've made a mistake, learn from it, move on, but you don't have to stick with the mistake just cos you made a decision in the past.

I don't know the situation specifically, but from what I've read it sounds just like something I've experienced.

I was in a relationship where I felt like that. Where I was trapped and couldn't experience the world. We broke up and it literally changed my life. I grew in confidence, got closer with my friends and made great new friends. I had the best time for years, and then at a later date decided I was in a position where I was ready for a relationship now.

If I had have stayed with the first relationship, I would have always resented her for feeling like I'd missed out on so much of life, and to be honest I would have been right, cos I WAS missing so much.

Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do. The way I could see counselling working is when you just start to go off or dislike the person. You can talk and realise what's making you feel like that and maybe resolve it. When part of it is external that you feel you are missing something by being with that person, then I don't know how you can ever resolve that properly. There is always going to be a part of you that regrets the things you never did.


This

Sometimes the problems are more as a result of a poor match. I told my husband last night that I want to end our 12 year marriage. We are badly suited and I have been miserable for 5 years. Now that I am getting healthy and focussing on myself instead of him and the demands of children I finally feel confident that I can leave. He is a good man and I love him, but I fell out of love with him 5 years ago and cannot get it back. I have been committed to our marriage and it didn't work out, now I can commit to myself and my children and hopefully have a bit of happiness.
June 4, 2012 12:14 AM
This is why you should never ruin a perfectly good relationship by getting married.

Nearly 15 years with my girl (with a short break in the middle wink ). You don't need a piece of paper to validate your relationship. And clearly for many it doesnt really mean that much.
June 4, 2012 1:13 AM
to be honest i feel sorry for the guy and now the baby when it arrives!!! you got bored after just 11 months !!! i get "bored" but that because i have 11 year old son and 9 year old son that has to do the same things everyday {aultism} but seeing the beaming smile on thier faces changes that i just hope you wake up and smell the coffee before kid or hubby gets hurt
June 4, 2012 1:59 AM
QUOTE:

This thread has given me faith in today's time. Not with what the OP had said and asked, but with the responses it evoked.

I was sure that I was the only one that saw marriage as a partnership, team, whole-hearted commitment that bonds two people together in promise through thick and thin. The way things are today with movie stars going through marriages like a hot knife through butter, so many people divorcing now because of things like "we didnt connect" or "it got boring" (thats why you court the woman. So you build a relationship.) The responders all have the same idea that I was brought up with.

Important core values that are damaged like abusive behaviour or unfaithfulness should not be tolerated at all. No man should lay a finger on his wife, or evoke any pain emotionally or physically. He is there to protect and provide for her. If he beats you, OP, then leave. I dont stand for that. But if you are just bored from him providing for you and caring for you, why would you want to leave him? Open marriages seem so fake to me. I could not stand the thought of my woman being humped by other men to try a new appendage, nor would I ever want to make love to a woman who is not mine because I want to get off to something new. It's unethical and not really what marriage is about.

Endure, forgive and forget, and keep your promises.



Why can't all men have views like this. Jeez.
WELL said though, you're 100% right.
  1087518
June 4, 2012 5:37 AM
There should be a age limit as too when you get married. This is not a joke. Some girls think it's cool to have the wedding gown and all the party that goes with it. The law should make it tougher for people to get divorced this days. It's too easy to get married and too damn easy to get divorce. I know that at times there is no choice, infidelity , abuse and such. But to leave cause you are bored. Grow the hell up and realize that you could be walking away from the most terrific guy out there.
  13003760
June 5, 2012 7:13 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:


However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy?

Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do.


Good luck with life, you're gonna need it with that attitude!


With what attitude? That people deserve to be happy?
June 5, 2012 7:25 AM
A lot of people will say "try counseling", "marriage is a commitment" or whatever...the truth is that we only live once and no one should sacrifice their happiness for someone else or just to do what others would view as "right". You have to do what is right for YOU and probably shouldn't decide this based on answers from a forum :)

I think you are open enough to realize you got married too young and that you're not happy. Bravo. It took me 10 years to realize that and it's made it 10 times harder. I wish I would have realized then what I know in my heart to be true now.
Edited by hellokehtty On June 5, 2012 7:25 AM

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