Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted.
I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?
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TOPIC: Who initiates in your house?? |
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Joined 2011-06-01 Posts: 145 |
May 18, 2012 11:20
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Joined 2011-12-21 Posts: 1,010 |
May 18, 2012 11:23
QUOTE: Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted. I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship? After 16 years he is going to leave you over something as petty as that? Obviously there are other problems. Especially if you rarely turn him down. But, to answer your question, my wife is usually the one who initiates. 
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Joined 2011-03-28 Posts: 832 |
May 18, 2012 11:23
If you said no a lot I'd say he has a legit point, but I don't know why he'd threaten to leave over that.
I could see him talking to you about it, but not leaving. It's not like he's being deprived with that amount. Some guys don't know how good they have it. I'd be ecstatic if my wife had your mindset. To answer your question, my wife does initiate more, but it's only because I don't bother trying anymore. After getting rejected so many times, a guy kind of gets sick of it.
Edited by angryguy77 On May 18, 2012 11:25
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Joined 2011-05-18 Posts: 2,171 |
May 18, 2012 11:24
I would say he does far more than I do, but I do as well. I tend to want to at odd times of the day- like for some reason, I want to have sex at 2pm most days. I have no idea why- hormone spike or something? Anyway, so I will initiate on the weekends moreso (because I am drinking more wine and we are home!)
If it's something he is upset about- which it seems he is, then make a point to initiate. The way I figure it- they are pretty much always in the mood. So when you feel the urge- act on it. 
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Joined 2012-01-05 Posts: 134 |
May 18, 2012 11:30
i definitely do way more than he does. we have been together 4.5 years and that is the trend. but i understand where the guy is coming from. i wish he would pounce on me a little more. i feel like i am a bother sometimes. but i do NOT think it would be a reason to leave somebody.
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Joined 2011-03-26 Posts: 733 |
May 18, 2012 11:30
Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.
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Joined 2010-09-01 Posts: 4,554 |
May 18, 2012 11:30
She says "Let's," I say "Go"
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Joined 2012-01-24 Posts: 1,604 |
May 18, 2012 11:30
There's gotta be more to the story.
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Joined 2012-01-03 Posts: 2,747 |
May 18, 2012 11:31
QUOTE: QUOTE: Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted. I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship? After 16 years he is going to leave you over something as petty as that? Obviously there are other problems. Especially if you rarely turn him down. But, to answer your question, my wife is usually the one who initiates. Word. But also, it's fairly even with my bf and I...and neither of us turn the other down very often 
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Joined 2012-01-08 Posts: 2,941 |
May 18, 2012 11:31
me more for sure, but both of us do. I just tend to want it more, I guess... and not often enough....
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Joined 2011-02-20 Posts: 164 |
May 18, 2012 11:33
QUOTE: QUOTE: Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted. I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship? After 16 years he is going to leave you over something as petty as that? Obviously there are other problems. Especially if you rarely turn him down. But, to answer your question, my wife is usually the one who initiates. Its not petty, to want to feel desired. |
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Joined 2011-06-13 Posts: 6,094 |
May 18, 2012 11:33
There is definitely more to this than just the initiation of sex.
At our house, it's about equal. 
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Joined 2012-05-17 Posts: 80 |
May 18, 2012 11:33
We'll be together for 6 years this Sep and I am by far more aggressive than him. Anytime he's down, I never turn him away (Except for when I was pregnant cause it was creepy)
He tells me all the time he feels like hes just a piece of man meat 
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Joined 2012-01-31 Posts: 385 |
May 18, 2012 11:34
QUOTE: Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff. I'm with you, except substitute 100% for 99%, 75% for 90%, and "most my stuff and future earnings" for "half my stuff". I am so sick of its one sidedness that it saps my will to live away. (Yes, there's a lot more to this story too) 
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Joined 2012-03-21 Posts: 2,244 |
May 18, 2012 11:34
Usually me, but it requires negotiation, usually related to promising to buy her something the next day. I hurts my feelings, and makes me feel pretty cheap and worthless.
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Joined 2012-01-31 Posts: 385 |
May 18, 2012 11:35
QUOTE: We'll be together for 6 years this Sep and I am by far more aggressive than him. Anytime he's down, I never turn him away (Except for when I was pregnant cause it was creepy) He tells me all the time he feels like hes just a piece of man meat
Boy oh boy oh boy, I wish I had his problem lol :)
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Joined 2011-07-19 Posts: 1,351 |
May 18, 2012 11:35
It is pretty even in our house. One of us will jump the other nearly every day.
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Joined 2011-02-01 Posts: 285 |
May 18, 2012 11:35
QUOTE: Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted. I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship? That seems really strange to me. 
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Joined 2010-09-17 Posts: 7,961 |
May 18, 2012 11:35
My ex husband *never* initiated. It was me every. single. time.
And even though the benefits (for me) were pathetic, I initiated several times a week anyway. |
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Joined 2012-03-04 Posts: 1,889 |
May 18, 2012 11:36
Normally my husband usually. I'll try to send signals, but when it really comes down to it, he does more than I do. I think mostly because I'm not really sure HOW. Sounds sad, doesn't it? But he's the only one I've been with and didn't really have a whole lot of experience in that area when we got together (12 yrs ago). Trying to get better at it though...
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Joined 2010-05-06 Posts: 8,415 |
May 18, 2012 11:36
He's seriously going to leave you over this?
I think you need to have a long, serious talk and maybe seek out a counselor if it's really that serious, considering the rest of your story. |
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Joined 2012-04-10 Posts: 105 |
May 18, 2012 11:36
Threatening to leave you is certainly an over-reaction, but at least you can give him credit for articulating his feelings. I think most women who take hormone-based birth control experience a decrease in sex-drive. (Maybe that's the real reason it's so effective!)
It couldn't hurt to pencil in some alone time. After all- it's great bonding time, it burns calories, and trips the 'satiety' button in the brain which can help you curb your cravings for unhealthy food! Why not give it a go? 
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Joined 2011-06-09 Posts: 501 |
May 18, 2012 11:37
In my house its the opposite! But i think it might also be because of the age difference! im always the one initiating with "old man" hahah!! You should suprise him and im sure he will appreciate it!
Speaking of "it" Have you seen 7 days of Sex on TV? a challenge i think most couples should try!! 
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Joined 2011-06-01 Posts: 145 |
May 18, 2012 11:37
QUOTE: There's gotta be more to the story. Its just alot of the same story. I guess he has felt like this most of the 16 years. he gets alot of attention from girls and I guess feels like I don't appreciate what I have but I do but at the same time--we have a real life and 2 kids--one of whom has alot of medical conditions. He has been fighting drugs his whole life--one addiction after another and is finally clean for almost 2 years now and I think he was expecting same major differences in how I acted in that area once he was clean??? I kinda get it but I kinda don't. |
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Joined 2012-01-31 Posts: 385 |
May 18, 2012 11:37
QUOTE: If you said no a lot I'd say he has a legit point, but I don't know why he'd threaten to leave over that. I could see him talking to you about it, but not leaving. It's not like he's being deprived with that amount. Some guys don't know how good they have it. I'd be ecstatic if my wife had your mindset. To answer your question, my wife does initiate more, but it's only because I don't bother trying anymore. After getting rejected so many times, a guy kind of gets sick of it. +1 word for word.
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