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TOPIC: Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

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May 15, 2012 4:20 PM
I've kind of read some of this and kind of zoned out on other parts.

Here's my opinions - While I love it when a guy pays, I'm always open to splitting it. I don't mind at all. I feel like then there's no pressure, no expectations, etc.

And now, with my boyfriend - I pay for most everything. Why? I make 2.5 times more than him so I can afford it more than he can, and I'm the one who WANTS to go out. If it is something he really wants to do and wants me to come along (like some concert with some weird band), he pays. But generally, I do.
  2435631
May 15, 2012 4:20 PM
If i had to pay for a first date , i would never go out with them again .. idk thats just me .
  21132418
May 15, 2012 4:51 PM
Well, this is all very silly! But I'm enjoying it.

I think you're all right. Because, here's the thing. Nobody *should* be doing anything (except following the law, but you get what I mean). We all do what we want. And then, we judge everyone else accordingly. If someone offers to pay and the other party is offended...then, clearly they don't have compatible views on things. And shouldn't date again.

As for me, I could care less. But I will say, I don't like game playing. A lady shouldn't verbally offer to pay if its all really a test. She can reach for the bill, and let him graciously offer, "oh no, I've got it." But to actually say "Oh no, Dave. Its fine, I've got it" when you really mean "you better not let me pay. This is a test of your manhood, your manners, and your morals. Choose your next words *very carefully*..." That's the kind of silliness that gives women a bad name.
May 15, 2012 4:59 PM
"Couldn't care less"... not "could care less". If the latter were true, it means that you care at least somewhat.

Sorry - pet peeve.
May 15, 2012 5:02 PM
There are no hard-and-fast rules, as far as I'm concerned. Generally, I think that whoever asks should pay. Once you've progressed into a relationship, there should be more give-and take. For me, I've usually let the guy pay at the beginning, then after that, it's whichever one of us has money at the time.

I would never offer to pay if I didn't intend to pay. I don't understand that. It's just dishonest.
  17923062
May 15, 2012 5:26 PM
Lol, I love this thread. For those that don't know, yes I pay for first dates, open doors, blah blah blah.

I hate the head of the household bullsh*t and certainly don't need to drain my bank account to feel like a man.

One other poster mentioned on here the cooking, cleaning, maintaining the house side of traditionialist values. I find it ironic how many women these days SUCK at cooking, cleaning or any of the other traditionalist roles that are complementary to the belief that a man should be the sole provider. I grew up around women that were self-maintaining and independent and it's probably the reason I have these views. I was in awe that women/wives were incapable of driving, pumping gas, mowing the lawn, maintaining a car, dealing with finances etc. I always run across the I want my cake and eat it too syndrome. The I'm pretty, you owe me something because I'm a girl, and by the way, I'll cook for you once a month or give you access to my precious time to keep up my end of the deal.

And think about it, typical time to get married/move in together is years! Why would I pay for everything in-between? Seems fruitless.
Edited by j4nash On May 15, 2012 5:27 PM
  215214
May 15, 2012 7:44 PM
I will always offer to pay my half on the first date but if you actually let me pay, there will NEVER be a second date. Please, be a gentleman and pick up the tab. Hold my door open and stand back as I walk through. All these little things make me feel like the lady that I am. I don't mind paying every once in a while once we are dating but the man should definitely pay for the first date.
  5201131
May 15, 2012 11:58 PM
The man should absolutely pay for the first date! I'm a woman that believes in equality of the sexes- complete eqaulity. But I also NEED chivalry in a man. My husband pays most of the time, he opens doors for me, does all the chivalrous "man" things, and that's the way I want it to be! And I'm a woman so you can't call me sexist or whatever LOL :)
I miss when guys would court girls, call them beautiful, ask their father for her hand in marriage. Now they yell out from a car at them, and knock them up and if he stays around, rarely marries you. I need romance! haha
May 16, 2012 12:03 AM
QUOTE:

Lol, I love this thread. For those that don't know, yes I pay for first dates, open doors, blah blah blah.

I hate the head of the household bullsh*t and certainly don't need to drain my bank account to feel like a man.

One other poster mentioned on here the cooking, cleaning, maintaining the house side of traditionialist values. I find it ironic how many women these days SUCK at cooking, cleaning or any of the other traditionalist roles that are complementary to the belief that a man should be the sole provider. I grew up around women that were self-maintaining and independent and it's probably the reason I have these views. I was in awe that women/wives were incapable of driving, pumping gas, mowing the lawn, maintaining a car, dealing with finances etc. I always run across the I want my cake and eat it too syndrome. The I'm pretty, you owe me something because I'm a girl, and by the way, I'll cook for you once a month or give you access to my precious time to keep up my end of the deal.

And think about it, typical time to get married/move in together is years! Why would I pay for everything in-between? Seems fruitless.



haha love this! My marriage is pretty equal. We both work, I go to school. He cooks, I clean. He cooks mainly bc I seem to always catch the oven mitt on fire with our gas stove LOL. We both do lawn work. He pays about 70% of the time, opens doors and does all the chivalrous stuff that I love. I take care of the dog. We each manage our own finances, but his debt is a little out of control haha. I would love to not have a job, and just be a little housewife. But I believe in equality of the sexes, and that would be really unfair to my husband. We each do our own part to manage the household. It's a partnership, running a household, and that's the way it needs to be.
May 16, 2012 12:18 AM
I say, the person who asks, should offer to pay! If I ask my husband out for a date, the night is on me, and vice versa.
May 16, 2012 12:22 AM
QUOTE:

I will always offer to pay my half on the first date but if you actually let me pay, there will NEVER be a second date. Please, be a gentleman and pick up the tab. Hold my door open and stand back as I walk through. All these little things make me feel like the lady that I am. I don't mind paying every once in a while once we are dating but the man should definitely pay for the first date.


So why would you even offer? I don't see the point in testing someone so early in the game. Like I said before, if I was a guy I would think she's offering cause she's trying to be nice and doesn't want a second date. I've offered to pay for my half on bad dates actually in the past and that's only cause I never wanna see the guy again but i don't want to be mean and take his money knowing that.
May 16, 2012 12:34 AM
It has been a million years since I have been on a first date... and this thread makes me hope more than ever that I never have to again. So much expectation and game playing on both sides of the equation. Personally I agree with those who said that a first date is a test for whether you go on a second. However I don't think that means you set-up weird 'tests' in order to determine it. Isn't it just better to upfront about your expectations. If you are a man who feels it is really important to pay then insist on paying and say "I would like to pay because I think its a mans job".... If you are a woman who expects the man to pay then don't offer. If you are a man or woman who would expect to split the bill 50/50 then work out what you own and put the cash on the table.

Seriously despite being a staunch feminist, I actually agree with the "don't tell me how to me a man" guy... Because I personally feel like "don't tell me how to be a woman!"... now in this particular situation his way of being a man doesn't match my way of being a woman... so we probably wouldn't go on a second date, no harm no foul!
May 16, 2012 12:38 AM
QUOTE:

Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. happy That's how it works people.


I am not going to go back and read the last thread and go forward to read the other replies because THIS is how it should be on a first date.
Edited by Debs160571 On May 16, 2012 12:39 AM
  17786181
May 16, 2012 1:28 AM
all this reasoning out etc - there is no reason. It's just how it is. In the past it might have been because guys earned more or whatever, but the truth is that it is expected, and really, we don't mind.

To be honest I'm not loaded - I've got a mortgage, fast car and all the expenses that come with those and only one income to cover them. So I don't take a girl out for an expensive meal. To be honest - I don't like that much anyway, maybe once in a while as a treat, but it's just not my thing.

The last first date I went on was 2 glasses of coke each in this nice old country pub, then a drive out to this cool high bridge looking over the motorway for a kiss and a cuddle watching the car lights fly by (high bridge sounds way dodgier than it really is).

Point is it cost me the price of 4 drinks and we both loved it.

She always says about how I pull these really cool dates out and it's all just stupid stuff like going to my local pub for a drink, bit of pool and some darts. That could be a terrible date, but it's about how you play it in the end. If you make it fun that's what counts.
May 16, 2012 1:31 AM
QUOTE:

Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. happy That's how it works people.


this smooched
  20334097
May 16, 2012 1:50 AM
QUOTE:

all this reasoning out etc - there is no reason. It's just how it is. In the past it might have been because guys earned more or whatever, but the truth is that it is expected, and really, we don't mind.

To be honest I'm not loaded - I've got a mortgage, fast car and all the expenses that come with those and only one income to cover them. So I don't take a girl out for an expensive meal. To be honest - I don't like that much anyway, maybe once in a while as a treat, but it's just not my thing.

The last first date I went on was 2 glasses of coke each in this nice old country pub, then a drive out to this cool high bridge looking over the motorway for a kiss and a cuddle watching the car lights fly by (high bridge sounds way dodgier than it really is).

Point is it cost me the price of 4 drinks and we both loved it.

She always says about how I pull these really cool dates out and it's all just stupid stuff like going to my local pub for a drink, bit of pool and some darts. That could be a terrible date, but it's about how you play it in the end. If you make it fun that's what counts.


That sounds like a great first date - much better than dinner imo!

But yes, the man should ABSOLUTELY pay on the first date, and hold the door etc. I mean, it should at least start at that then after 16 years he can try hit her in the face with the same door 'by accident' (*joke - that never happened)
May 16, 2012 2:41 AM
Shouldn't have to, but great if he genuinely wants to. I will offer to pay or split the bill (and mean it), but I will not argue if he continues to offer. If there is a second date, I make it clear that it's my shout. If he is insistent on paying, that's fine...next date I hope to have planned and it will be dinner at my place and/or a show/movie that I've already paid for.
Edited by kkarrolle On May 16, 2012 2:43 AM
May 16, 2012 4:37 AM
You should do what's agreeable for you both. There is no right or wrong. Me and the misses share paying for meals. A man paying because he's a man is an out of date view from when women didn't really work and didn't have a disposable income.

If you do all the paying, does that make her a hooker as eventually you may get her into bed?
  15809555
May 16, 2012 4:40 AM
doesn't matter as log as it's not the same partner always paying for the other ones meals
May 16, 2012 4:44 AM
I think it kind of depends who asked who out on the date... I wouldn't expect to be asked out for a meal and pay for my own. But if I asked someone out, I'd like to pay.

Though I'll admit, I do like it when a man is chivalrous. But not too much. smile
  5035386
May 16, 2012 4:45 AM
QUOTE:

You should do what's agreeable for you both. There is no right or wrong. Me and the misses share paying for meals. A man paying because he's a man is an out of date view from when women didn't really work and didn't have a disposable income.

If you do all the paying, does that make her a hooker as eventually you may get her into bed?


^^^^
This!
  5035386
May 16, 2012 4:45 AM
Not having read the last multiple pages, i can say i always offer to pay at least my share - i figure first date is about both of you trying to figure out if you'll get along, usually - but i do appreciate when the guy offers to pay. Even in my long term relationships, i do enjoy treating my mate here and there, but he usually pays.

As long as the overall treatment is respectful and caring, i take "the man always pays" as a sign that chivalry is not dead, like holding a door. If he is otherwise a controlling douche, then it's just another sign of being controlling... and i'm gone.
May 16, 2012 4:52 AM
QUOTE:

I pay.

Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.

Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.


I love this, it sounds like something my man would say. smile
We live together, and yes i do pay for things, when my Alpha male lets me. smile But for the most part it's groceries, or I'll pay a utility bill. As for a night out, he always pays. Not because I demand it, but because he does. The only time I've ever paid was when I took him out to dinner on his birthday, and he almost paid that time, i got back yo the table just in time for the check.
  106371
May 16, 2012 4:56 AM
I've been married for almost 17 years and have two beautiful children. My husband paid for the first date... the ingredients anyway... he "made" me dinner himself. Neither one of us had a lot of money, but he showed me respect by treating me. The next date, we met at the gym and worked out side by side. We played checkers at his house the third date, and he made a cheesecake topped with raspberries.

Later in life, when we had two small children, he was laid off from his job... however, our relationship only strengthened during those months. We enjoyed our time together taking walks, having indoor picnics with the kids, even camped out in the backyard. I never paid for a date with him, and although I worked until just after our second child was born, we are still a team.

He has always made me feel like I am worth the effort, and I respect him for his ability and willingness to care and provide for me and now his children as well. We don't have money coming out our ears, but we live within our means and know how to have a fully satisfying relationship without needing much extra spending money.
Edited by JulieF11 On May 16, 2012 4:58 AM
May 16, 2012 5:01 AM
In the last century, when I last dated, guys paid for every date.
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