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TOPIC: Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

 
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May 15, 2012 1:57 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:



Actually, you've completely ran off and taken what I wrote out of context.

Taking it point by point:

If you recall, I never judged you, or your relationship. It was you and the other woman doing the judging from the word go.

So how about you stop picking my posts apart and purposely misunderstanding them?

But you called me irrational....isn't that judging me?
May 15, 2012 2:00 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:



Actually, you've completely ran off and taken what I wrote out of context.

Taking it point by point:

If you recall, I never judged you, or your relationship. It was you and the other woman doing the judging from the word go.

So how about you stop picking my posts apart and purposely misunderstanding them?

But you called me irrational....isn't that judging me?


Bravo! Excellent, on topic response!

First, what you wrote, if not irrational...was certainly a huge stretch.

Second, I...and those who believe as I do (that men should pay for the first date at minimum) were clearly judged first.

Would you like to comment on topic? Or have you run out of pertinent arguments that prove somehow that me paying for dates is controlling?
  7434194
May 15, 2012 2:02 PM
QUOTE:

I didn't read the first 20 pages (sorry).

IMHO it depends on who's asking, the person asking should pay. What if the girl asks the guy to go to Ruth Chris' (a really nice steakhouse), but her date just paid rent and bills and doesn't have money until next payday? She should pay, not fair if he could only afford to take her to Olive Garden or something like that.

I've always offered to pay.


I have to agree with you...it depends on who's asking. If I was the person asking someone on a date I wouldn't expect them to pay, I ASKED THEM. Although, it is nice and gentleman-like for the man to pay, they shouldn't have to all the time...especially if you're in a long-term relationship.
  7459493
May 15, 2012 2:02 PM
QUOTE:

Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.


Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.

I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.

I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.
May 15, 2012 2:04 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.


Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.

I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.

I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.


Wait, didn't you just say earlier that you turn down guys for dates all the time? Aren't they just trying to be nice too?
  14254396
May 15, 2012 2:05 PM
QUOTE:

UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!


Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
May 15, 2012 2:05 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.


Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.

I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.

I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.


Wait, didn't you just say earlier that you turn down guys for dates all the time? Aren't they just trying to be nice too?


I'm turning them down because I'm being nice. If I'm not interested and there is no chemistry I'm not going to lead him on a be a mooch.
May 15, 2012 2:06 PM
Did he ask you out? Then hell yes!
May 15, 2012 2:06 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.


Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.

I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.

I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.


I'm starting to not care about the yellow fur...lol.
  7434194
May 15, 2012 2:08 PM
not sure! Really i think pay half and half, but I don't know if a guy would dig that lol... would they?
May 15, 2012 2:08 PM
Absolutely! Often I may offer to get the tip, but the "dutch" thing is a no go for me. Unless I am going with one of my friends who just happen to be male.
  3243338
May 15, 2012 2:08 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!


Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...


THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
  14254396
May 15, 2012 2:10 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!


Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...


I know right. I personally don't want my husband underneath me ALL the time...I'm a big girl, I can open my own doors and pull my own seat out...that stuff is nice and all..but not EVERYTIME we go somewhere. It's not good to be so uptight al lthe time....relax girl, men aren't your slaves!
  7459493
May 15, 2012 2:10 PM
Hello all,
I havent read all of the comments in depth so apologise if I am repeating anyone but I believe this question is all about self worth!

Women do not value themselves enough in this day and age and if you are taken out for dinner think back 50/60 yrs and act how those ladies would act. Graciously accept to be taken out and paid for..................you are worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe it!!!!!! Trust yourself girls and do not even take out any money, imagine how much the man offering thinks that you are worth then! Not in a big headed way, of course! Any man will tell you he wants to treat a woman, make her feel good and special. If all fails he can always wash up :)
May 15, 2012 2:13 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.


Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.

I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.

I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.


Wait, didn't you just say earlier that you turn down guys for dates all the time? Aren't they just trying to be nice too?


I'm turning them down because I'm being nice. If I'm not interested and there is no chemistry I'm not going to lead him on a be a mooch.


Fair enough, I can at least appreciate that you're not just in it for the free meals (I actually knew a girl who did that all the time when she was a broke college student, I thought it was disgusting).

All in all, I stand by my original point: whoever does the inviting should pay. I think it's rude to invite somebody out to a place of your choosing, and then expect them to pay for it.
  14254396
May 15, 2012 2:13 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!


Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...


THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."


Actually, most of us just think it's cute. Men in general don't become offended by gender stereotypes. I don't scratch myself in public, nor pass gas in a crowded restaurant just to see everyones reactions...but my little brother does, and so I know there's a basis for those stereotypes.

I'm not sure why such a large sector of the female population do. Actually, I should correct that. I'm not sure why the small sector of the female population that DOES get offended by it, has to have such a big mouth about it.
  7434194
May 15, 2012 2:13 PM
Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!
May 15, 2012 2:14 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!


Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...


I know right. I personally don't want my husband underneath me ALL the time...I'm a big girl, I can open my own doors and pull my own seat out...that stuff is nice and all..but not EVERYTIME we go somewhere. It's not good to be so uptight al lthe time....relax girl, men aren't your slaves!


Very well put. Men are not women's slaves. Personally, I hate when a man opens the car door or pulls my chair out. The opening the door for me thing, at a diner or whatever is perfectly fine, But I'm in Texas. It's just what people DO here. Other than that I'm good! If you want to take me on a date, I will offer to pay, if you decline, fine! But I will end up buying you drinks or something by the end of the night, unless you just insist on paying for everything.

I hate when women put men in this little box. They are supposed to do EVERYTHING for us. It's BS. You can't "train" a man to do things for you. You can make suggestions on things you like, if he does them, GREAT, if he doesn't? Well... better luck next time.
May 15, 2012 2:14 PM
QUOTE:

Hello all,
I havent read all of the comments in depth so apologise if I am repeating anyone but I believe this question is all about self worth!

Women do not value themselves enough in this day and age and if you are taken out for dinner think back 50/60 yrs and act how those ladies would act. Graciously accept to be taken out and paid for..................you are worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe it!!!!!! Trust yourself girls and do not even take out any money, imagine how much the man offering thinks that you are worth then! Not in a big headed way, of course! Any man will tell you he wants to treat a woman, make her feel good and special. If all fails he can always wash up :)


I, for one, am worth far more than the cost of a fancy dinner ;)
  14254396
May 15, 2012 2:15 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.


Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.

I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.

I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.


Wait, didn't you just say earlier that you turn down guys for dates all the time? Aren't they just trying to be nice too?


I'm turning them down because I'm being nice. If I'm not interested and there is no chemistry I'm not going to lead him on a be a mooch.


People don't ask others out to just be nice. That would be dumb. I agree that women need to learn to let men be nice to them... in turn they can be nice back. It's how society works best. Besides, when a man asks you out on an official date, not to hang out, then he is courting you... and you need to let him do it. You don't owe him anything but being good company. Same thing to men if a woman asks you out. Why is it so hard for people to be kind and accept kindness? Why make such a big fuss? It's a date... its supposed to be fun, not work!
  14760682
May 15, 2012 2:15 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. happy That's how it works people.


So agree!! What has happened to chivalry and women accepting acts of chivalry? when a man opens a door for me, I smile and say thank you, when a man pulls my chair out for me, I smile and say thank you, when a man won't let me help pay for dinner, I smile and say thank you....it doesn't mean I'm any less of an equal


Thank you so much for that!

The answer to what happened to chivalry, sadly...is feminism. Don't get me wrong, feminism on its fundamental level is right and necessary. The level its been taken to however is just sad for all parties involved.


I agree to an extent. Women screaming about being tired of being held back by men had a lot to do with this but there's also how men nowadays are being brought up. I have never had a problem with a man showing respect, paying for dinner, opening doors, holding out my chair, letting me order first. It makes me feel nice when a man does something nice for me. I was walking into a restaurant one day with my baby in his carseat and this teenager let the door slam in my face without another thought. Rude! I'm not asking for you to drop your coat over a puddle for me. Common courtesy people!
I realize that was a little off topic. So to answer the question.. A lady offers to pay, a gentleman never lets her fingers touch the bill.
Real gentlemen are a dying breed. If you find one, don't let go and don't hurt him. They're totally worth it. flowerforyou
May 15, 2012 2:15 PM
QUOTE:

Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!


To each their own. A man being able to pay for dinner doesn't make me feel "taken care of."
  14254396
May 15, 2012 2:16 PM
QUOTE:

Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!


But, I thought women fought for equality and all of that jazz!
May 15, 2012 2:17 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!


But, I thought women fought for equality and all of that jazz!


Not when it comes to paying for stuff apparently
May 15, 2012 2:17 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!


Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...


THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."


Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.

If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.

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