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TOPIC: How do I get my family to back off?

 
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April 20, 2012 9:13 AM
I decided to put this up after reading the thread about the people getting mad that someone had decided not to have kids.

I have a similar problem. I do want kids, but not right now. I am of the mind set right now "if it happens, it happens" but I don't plan on trying for kids until maybe another year. My husband and I share the same view on this. However, my family thinks they have a say in this as well and keep asking me when we're going to have kids. I was able to just brush it off for a long time but they still do it and its really getting on my nerves. I try to tell them that we will have them when we are ready, but apparently thats not enough of a reason to give them. My husband gets more upset than I do, because they see him as the reason why we don't have kids yet, and they think there's something wrong with him for that. I have said in the past that I wouldn't mind having kids now, but I want to wait until both of us are ready.

My family thinks we are strange because both of my sisters had their first kids around 18 and so did my mother. Apparently, I'm odd because I'm 24 and still don't have kids. I like my life how it is right now and I am enjoying spending my time with friends and not having to worry about babysitters and such. Why is that so horrible of me? There have been times where my family gets downright irritated with us about it. I don't see where they have a say in the situation. I don't know how to tell them to stop without starting world war three.

Sorry I needed to rant. I'm going to a family thing tonight and know I will hear it...
Edited by HelloSweetie4 On April 20, 2012 9:15 AM
  19614385
April 20, 2012 9:23 AM
It isn't really their business. It is your choice. Your family. By that i mean you and your husband. I waited until I was almost 28, and don't regret a second of the almost 8 years of marriage I had before children to spend with my husband. I think our marriage is stronger because of that time together. Not to say my choice is the right one for everyone. But it was for me! Good luck with your family. I usually try deflecting those things with humor to avoid a war. Like tell your sister or mom if they need to have another baby around they know how to make 'em! :)
  7596491
April 20, 2012 9:50 AM
haha I like that reply. I will have to try it out!
  19614385
April 20, 2012 2:41 PM
I think you should tell them you have decided not to have kids, ever, case closed. Then, when you do have kids, it will be a pleasant surprise for them.
April 20, 2012 2:45 PM
I went to a wedding recently and the preist mentioned like 50 times throughout the ceremony that the point of marriage was to produce children, and that kind of bothered me. I still don't know if I want kids. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I know I physically don't want to have them lol. I'm scared though, so I'm kind of along the same thought process as you as far as if it happens, it happens. I have a similar issue with my family. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage and we want to have a reception, but not a wedding ceremony, and my mom is beyond offended by the idea.

It's your life and your business. Do what makes you happy and what feels right for you and your husband :)
April 20, 2012 2:48 PM
QUOTE:

It isn't really their business. It is your choice. Your family. By that i mean you and your husband. I waited until I was almost 28, and don't regret a second of the almost 8 years of marriage I had before children to spend with my husband. I think our marriage is stronger because of that time together. Not to say my choice is the right one for everyone. But it was for me! Good luck with your family. I usually try deflecting those things with humor to avoid a war. Like tell your sister or mom if they need to have another baby around they know how to make 'em! :)


High 5's!! My thoughts exactly!
April 20, 2012 2:48 PM
QUOTE:

I think you should tell them you have decided not to have kids, ever, case closed. Then, when you do have kids, it will be a pleasant surprise for them.


I like the idea of this ^^^
  18748064
April 20, 2012 2:48 PM
Just tell them what I told mine, mind your own damn business! Ill have them when and if I am ready so stop freaking bugging me about it.

It worked
  876312
April 20, 2012 2:49 PM
I took the same philosophy.... mostly cause I wasn't sure if I could even have children... and then the questions came... and it would be the same answer "If it happens it happens." and that was all I gave them
April 20, 2012 2:51 PM
Live your life. Have fun. Loads of time for babies. I had 10 amazing years with my husband before we had our first baby and I was 29 when she was born. Tell your family that you're having a baby when you're good and ready and seeing as your family are so eager for a little smallie then you should have an endless supply of babysitters!!!
  20440881
April 20, 2012 2:52 PM
If I were you, if they bring up, just say something to the effect of "haven't we talked about this enough? I'm going to do what I want when, and I'll let you know if anything changes." You are supposed to be able to be honest with your family.

My friends kept bugging me about this one guy I was kind of seeing enough to where I stood up and said, "Stop talking about it!" and they shut up pretty fast. After that, I did apologize and say, "I didn't mean to say it like that, but I'm just tired of talking about it."
  7587537
April 20, 2012 2:54 PM
My husband and I don't want kids, haven't ever wanted kids. I told my family this but they kept asking or hinting about us having kids. My husband wanted to blurt out that he was sterile just to shut them up. Me on the other hand, I take a different approach. Example, my Mother In Law and I walked past the kids clothes in Walmart and she said "Oh, I want a little girl" to which I responded "Well, you're a little old to start over aren't you?" My mother use to say the same thing about wanting a grand daughter (my brother has two boys). I kept saying "You have two...they just happen to have extra hair" referring to my dogs. So, I told them flat out several times "We don't want children and would appreciate you respecting our choices". They finally got the hint.

If your family keeps asking, I would pick one answer and and repeat it every time they asked.
"When are you having kids?"
"When we're ready."
"When will you be ready?"
"When we're ready" -- you get the point!
April 20, 2012 2:55 PM
I DON'T want kids, and my fiather in law told me, "Every man needs to have a kid!" I told him the day Greg figures out how to get pregnant and carry a child to term, he can knock himeslf out-but i want no part of it.
April 20, 2012 3:00 PM
It took me 5 years and 3 miscarriages to have my son. I never had another child even though I very much wanted to. I'm not alone on this. It makes me so upset to know of people bugging others to have kids. They have NO idea if you're trying and having trouble , or have decided not to at all, or not yet, or whatever.

You might want to try something like: I promise you, if and when I am pregnant you will be one of the first to know. But, I'd rather not talk about it beforehand. Hey - did you change your hair? It looks lovely..... :O)
April 21, 2012 8:25 AM
QUOTE:

I DON'T want kids, and my fiather in law told me, "Every man needs to have a kid!" I told him the day Greg figures out how to get pregnant and carry a child to term, he can knock himeslf out-but i want no part of it.


haha thats a good one


Thanks everyone for the help! I feel much better and more prepare for the next time they bring it up
  19614385
April 21, 2012 8:48 AM
Tell them once that you aren't going to talk about it. Then the next time they bring it up, silence.
April 21, 2012 8:56 AM
QUOTE:

I went to a wedding recently and the preist mentioned like 50 times throughout the ceremony that the point of marriage was to produce children, and that kind of bothered me.


yeah, this really annoys me too! like if you don't want kids then you shouldn't get married or instead become a Nun! lol

I don't want kids, but i'm lucky that my sister in law has kindly popped 2 grandkids out for my parents, so i don't get much hassle these days :)
  6611632

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