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TOPIC: Never Married + No Kids = Damaged Goods?

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March 2, 2012 5:54 PM
Ladies-At a certain point, is being a man who has never been married and has no kids mean that you are damaged goods? What is the age when that perception comes into play?

I'm 28, never been married and no kids. While I don't think that perception of me exists today, I wonder if it will happen at some point. I am right now looking for a meaningful relationship. I really would like a positive, long term relationship.

I am seeing a number of people in my social circle starting to pair off (my core friends are in a similar spot in life as I am) and I'm the oldest non married in my family in my general age cohort (20s/early 30s).

I perceive not being married and not having kids as a good thing. While I have had relationship disappointments, I don't have to deal with any exes or pay child support.

Looking forward to seeing some feedback.
Edited by DMZ_1 On March 2, 2012 6:05 PM
March 2, 2012 6:00 PM
I agree dave! You have no baggage, and that is a good thing! :) Personally, I think it is very cool when people hold out for the person they know they want to be with. I never settle for someone, and I find it attractive with people do not settle until they have found someone they want to share their life with.
March 2, 2012 6:06 PM
Not at all!!
I think I'm a pretty good judge of character, so I can tell if someone is genuine pretty easily. There are men who are married that are assholes and there are never-been-married men that are wonderful. Not being married doesn't mean anything to me, doesn't cause any alarm. I'm only 21 though but if I met someone your age that wasn't married alarms wouldn't go off!

I think it shows that you have confidence and are willing to wait for the right one!
Edited by christine24t On March 2, 2012 6:10 PM
  7587537
March 2, 2012 6:27 PM
I would think if you were like maybe 39 40ish that would raise some flags .. but not really before that. The only thing is that if you want kids, the older women get the harder it is for them to get pregnant and/or carry to term.

Definately no baggage is a great thing! I don't think it would be perceived as anything but that. I think your age is perfect to start thinking about marriage and kids. smile
March 2, 2012 7:19 PM
I don't think any man is damaged goods no matter what his age is. Just because a man hasn't been married or have kids by a certain age, does that mean there is something wrong with him, I say no there's not. I am 40, never married or have any kids, does this make me damaged. I don't think so. I just haven't met that special someone I want to settle down and have kids with.

You are still young and have lots of time to fall in love, get married and have kids.
March 2, 2012 7:31 PM
Oldster here, lol...

I'm 45, never married, no kids. You're definitely not damaged goods!
March 2, 2012 7:37 PM
47 here,never married,no kids...hope not because if you are damaged goods that would make me a complete wreck.
March 2, 2012 8:25 PM
28 is still young, especially for a guy. No worries, you're in good shape. I, on the other hand, am a 31 year old female, never married with no kids (though I would desperately like both), but I am beginning to fear that I'm passing the window for that to happen.
  8434638
March 2, 2012 10:17 PM
I wouldn't be concerned if I get a 28yr old who hadn't been married. I would think he's smart. But I've got two guy friends, one approaching 40 and one approaching 50 who have never been married. And they are very nice guys, but they have very unrealistic expectations of both life with a woman, as well as what she should look like after 3-4 decades of living.

I honestly prefer to date someone who's either lived with a woman or been married before, because they know enough about the "reality" of a woman to appreciate my hard work keeping in shape (even though my body isn't perfect, it's pretty good!) and they also seem to be more likely to appreciate the great effort I exert to minimize the impact of certain feminine struggles.
  15346377
March 2, 2012 10:25 PM
QUOTE:

28 is still young, especially for a guy. No worries, you're in good shape. I, on the other hand, am a 31 year old female, never married with no kids (though I would desperately like both), but I am beginning to fear that I'm passing the window for that to happen.

I completely agree. Guys definitely have the advantage on this one. I am barely 25 and I already feel pressure. I've also never been in a relationship longer than a couple of weeks, so I feel like guys judge me when I reveal that...
  10055807
March 3, 2012 12:47 AM
At 28 you really don't need to be worried about this!

I never view guys as damaged goods. I prefer guys to have had at least one long term (ie live in) relationship It doesn't have to have been marriage. This is because I think that many (not all) who don't, have problems that make sustaining a relationship difficult. I wouldn't avoid them, but neither would I seek them out and I'd be cautious until I got to know them quite well. I'm 45. I didn't have this view in my 20 or 30s. Prefering guys with kids is purely because they don't take it personally when I put my kids first, but it's only a slight preference, I am far less bothered about this than the no long relationship issue.

Btw thanks for your advice on the other thread about how to tell guys you're not interested. I should know this by now but I met by ex at 18 so haven't had a lot of dating experience as an adult. I'm not so rude as to not reply but I usually evade. That's what I would prefer because I concude from that a guy isn't interested, but they don't seem to draw the same conclusions. Sometimes it actually seems to have the opposite effect.
Edited by lorro On March 3, 2012 12:52 AM
March 3, 2012 2:57 AM
Nope. I'm 48 never married, no kids. Never wanted either and I dont judge people either way. I'm also at a loss as to why, in the 21st century, the marital status is even important. All I've ever seen are my peers getting divorced or living in loveless marraiges!

You're not damaged. You're sensible!! bigsmile Only ever get married if you're 100% sure!
March 3, 2012 3:23 AM
one comedian says " I tell women that i am divorced that way they can feel as if i have the ability to commit"
  13122528
March 3, 2012 12:44 PM
My brother is in his mid 40's and he's never been married, no kids. I certainly don't see him as damaged goods. He just happens to be very particular and not willing to settle for anything less that what is perfect for him. He rarely ever dates, but it's not because there is anything wrong with him. He's just content doing his own thing. He's the sweetest, most generous man on earth --- just hasn't met anyone who's knocked his socks off.

Oh and one of my dearest friends didn't get married until her early 40's. Her and her husband,both, had never been married and no kids. They're happy as clams and couldn't be more perfect for one another!
  13635293
March 3, 2012 12:51 PM
Your not damaged goods. I have alot of male friends and most of them have not been marriedand have no kids....... Less and less people in my generation(I'm 31) even want to get married. I did it once and have no intention of doing it again. Each person is different. I used to worry when my ex-husband and I split up that I would have a hard time dating cause who would want a single mother with 2 small children. I also dont mind if a man has children. I'm pretty open about it lol
  10932653
March 3, 2012 1:44 PM
Man I'm in the same boat as you but a bit older and to be honest I think its a good thing I don't have kids and never been married. I have plenty of friends with kids that i sometimes treat as my own but I have that option of going home or sending them back to where they came lol.

Nothings wrong with it and if a female thinks theres something wrong with you because of that then shes not the right one.

Now the trick is to convince my grandma that I can take care of myself just fine without have a woman around huh
  18064460
March 3, 2012 4:24 PM
I don't think damaged goods is the issue at all. I think the older we get the smaller the playing field gets for a variety of reasons. At 28, at I don't think you should be concerned at all. But as a 40 year old divorced woman with 2 teenage children, I can honestly tell you I'm not sure I'd date a 40+ man that had never had children of his own. Not because he's damaged. Simply because our perspectives and probably priorities would be vastly different. You, however, are WAY too young to be concerned!
March 3, 2012 4:34 PM
Hey man, nothing wrong with your age and the fact that you have never been married or have children. I myself am turning 25 in 3 days and I have never been married or have children. I do not plan on getting married until obviously I have found the right woman.. I am in no rush to find her, seeing as thought I am finishing up my schooling and getting my future together still. I do not think a person should get married unless they are ready to support a family.
March 4, 2012 1:13 AM
I'm 40 and never been married and don't have any kids (and never wanted them...although I think I might make a fantastic step-mom someday). I hear "what's wrong with you" often. It's funny because it's generally people with 2+ divorces asking. I generally ask them if they want a list of what's wrong with me in alphabetical order or in order of importance...LOL! My other favorite answer is "no one asked me." But then again, I'm a smart a$$ and ask them right back "you've been divorced three times, what's wrong with you?"

Seriously, I don't think it's a problem. I did have a man tell me that it was uncertain whether I was capable of a long-term relationship though since I've never married.
Edited by AZDizzy On March 4, 2012 1:13 AM
  12797619
March 4, 2012 9:16 AM
Better than when I was 32 and twice divorced. Women may question your willingness to commit. But you can usually get past that.
March 4, 2012 9:31 AM
QUOTE:

Better than when I was 32 and twice divorced. Women may question your willingness to commit. But you can usually get past that.


It looks like from this that willingness to commit is a better problem to have than failure to commit.

Overall, I really appreciate everyone's feedback. As I said at the beginning, I don't think there is a perception yet regarding my willingness or ability to commit (I primarily date women who are 3-5 years younger than I am), but I am seriously considering a long term meaningful relationship right now.
March 5, 2012 7:32 AM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Oldster here, lol...

I'm 45, never married, no kids. You're definitely not damaged goods!



<----Can vouch for her goodies, I mean goods! No damage there!

TMI! lol
March 5, 2012 7:52 AM
You are only 28, so I don't think you have to worry that anyone would consider you damaged goods at this point. I think women like me have the reverse problem, being a single mom we can be considered damaged goods. I have also never been married but was with my son's father for 8 years, so then I become a damaged fornicator. lol
  9823542
March 5, 2012 8:28 AM
QUOTE:

Ladies-At a certain point, is being a man who has never been married and has no kids mean that you are damaged goods? What is the age when that perception comes into play?

I'm 28, never been married and no kids. While I don't think that perception of me exists today, I wonder if it will happen at some point. I am right now looking for a meaningful relationship. I really would like a positive, long term relationship.

I am seeing a number of people in my social circle starting to pair off (my core friends are in a similar spot in life as I am) and I'm the oldest non married in my family in my general age cohort (20s/early 30s).

I perceive not being married and not having kids as a good thing. While I have had relationship disappointments, I don't have to deal with any exes or pay child support.

Looking forward to seeing some feedback.


I hope you're not viewed as damaged goods, because that means I am too, and I know I'm not! laugh
  182282
March 5, 2012 2:03 PM
I'm a Never Married/No Kids female..I don't feel like I'm damaged goods so I wouldn't think it about a guy in the same situation..

I do have to wonder, about the guy and about myself, if marriage is something I want to do. I never even *thought* about it growing up so maybe I'm just..different?
  289686

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