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TOPIC: 101 ways to annoy your wife

 
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June 6, 2011 10:06 PM
.1.take her on a date and go to the drive thru.
2.for her anniversay dont buy her anything and say "you have me. what more could you want?"
3.plan a hunting trip on her birthday
4.plan a vacation and then invite all of your friends to come along
5.pretend to forget her name infront of your friends and and refer to her as "woman"
6.buy an expensive car that she will have to help pay for but dont tell you are going to buy it
7.buy new hunting dogs and build a pin for them right beside your window. nothing like the sweet sound of baying hounds at three in the morning.
8.always be on the phone with your friends but then complain about her texting too much
9.leave cabnets and drawers open. as soon as she closes them, open them again.
10.always wear your dirty shoes on her freshly mopped floors
11.complain that the food is too cold. when she heats it, complain again its not hot. when she heats it again, complain its too hot.
12.go to church without her because "you were taking too long"
13.leave your dirty dishes all over the house
14.never pick up after your self
15.make a sandwhich and leave everything out for her to clean up
16.never answer the phone when she calls
17.sit on the couch and watch football whenever you are home
18.if she ask you to help clean up say "that's what women are suppose to do"
19.if she complains about you buying too much junk food say "you never cook anything good"
20.complain about her family all the time
21.if she gets a hair cut, look at it with distaste and say "what did you do to your hair?"
22.leave dirty socks in her car
23.if she tries to have a serious conversation, laugh the entire time
24.invite friends over for dinner but forget to tell her
25.if you ever fix dinner for the kids, make penut butter and jelly sandwhiches, cheese puffs, and little debbies brownies.
26.instead of buying something you need, go buy a new game station.
27.reply to everything she says with "that's what you think"
28.only give one word answers
29.if she is watching tv, walk in and chage the station to golf without asking her
30.for her birthday tell her you are going to go get take out. come back with a half eaten burger from mcdonalds.
31.eat the icing out of oreo cookies then put them back in the tray
32.put christmas lights up on the roof and promise to take them down. leave them up till september.
33.chew on the pens in side her purse and then put back
34.wear alot of cologne
35.narate any movie you watch with her
36.buy a lawn mower for her brthday and say "so you will have something to do all day"
37.flirt with the waitresses
38.quit your job without telling her because you want to follow your calling and write poetry.
39.sing opera loudly at two in the morning
40.for valentines day bring home a large box of chocolate and eat out most of them. then say "i left you the kind i didnt like."
41.buy a puppy and promise to take care of it. never do.
42.silence her before she can say anything and then blab about football
43.buy her a treadmill for christmas
44.mention the fact her hips are getting bigger
45.invite your mother to come live with you before discussing it with your wife
46.insist on never going to the doctor
47.put empty containers back in the fridge
48.when she is on a diet, go buy aton of chocolate and icecream
49.yell when you need something but dont get up to get it.
50.wave to everyone you see when driving her someplace
51.if she asks you to help with something reply "i dont feel like it"
52.after she has a baby tell her she looks fatter then when she was pregnant
53.drum on every available surface
54.spend hours and hours on the computer and when she asks what you are doing, shut your computer down and say "nothing"
55.wear torn white undershirts outside of the house
56.if she asks which dress she should wear say "doesnt make any difference"
57.use double negatives in every sentence
58.offer to help. when she says sure just stand there
59.never use your blinker
60.wait till you are right at the redlight and then slam on your brakes
61.live on her facebook account and refuse toget your own
62.never make eye contact with her family
63.yell "not right now (insert her name)"
64.asks her friends if they remembered to wear deoderant that dy
65.put your shoes on the kitchen table
66.say "i love...." but never say a noun.
67.pretend to be a boxer all day
68.sing rebeka black "friday" all day every day
69.argue with everything she says
70.laugh loudly at anything anyone says
71.tell her that her new dress reminds you of your old girlfriend. then insist you like it.
72.pretend you are deaf so she will completly freak out. then burst out laughing and say "JK"
73.whisper everything you say
74.spend more time talking to the dog then you spend talking to her
75.if she asks to take a class tell her "a stupid woman is a virtuous woman."
76.if she asks you to take her somewhere tell her " you have legs"
77.if she asks you to take the trash out say "but its hot outside!/ but its cold outside!"
78.complain that she cant cook worth anything
79.if she is blonde, tell her blonde jokes all day
80.drink a two liter of coke a day and complain she never buys soda,
81.blow the horn all the time when driving
82.spill something on the floor then "forget to clean it up"
83.mumble everything you say
84.drive like you are drunk
85.insist your kids arent yours
86.grin at any woman you see
87.hide the book she is in the middle of
88.buy your mother expensive jewlry all the time
89.spend alot of money on a fishing trip and dont tell your wife about it. she will notice all the charges when she is balancing the check book.
90.when she calls, answer the phone then hang up.
91.never say goodbye on a phone call
92.if she says i love you over the phone jsut say "hmm"
93.be late for a party at your house
94.dye your hair white and wax the top of your head
95.refuse to eat anything you suspect might be healthy
96.bake cookies then forget they are in the oven
97.complain that you are tired all day but refuse to go to bed at night
98.pout if she says no
99.mimick what she says in an annoying voice
100.mouth random words to random people
101.just be yourself
.
June 6, 2011 10:10 PM
hahaha... the last one is all I need. :-D
June 6, 2011 10:14 PM
71. is my favorite
June 6, 2011 10:15 PM
ROTFLMAO!!!! Number 5 made me laugh out loud. She came to see why I was happy. "Leave me alone woman!" LOL
June 6, 2011 10:16 PM
ooops...double post.
Edited by Arizona_JR On June 6, 2011 10:16 PM
June 6, 2011 10:16 PM
#52 is hilarious.
June 6, 2011 10:17 PM
oh im sure she loved that.
June 6, 2011 10:18 PM
Lol! Hilarious. Can also be called 101 Ways to Sleep on the Couch for the Rest of your Life.
June 6, 2011 10:18 PM
Not amusing
June 6, 2011 10:19 PM
QUOTE:

Lol! Hilarious. Can also be called 101 Ways to Sleep on the Couch for the Rest of your Life.

I agree with the last phrase of this comment!
June 6, 2011 10:20 PM
Too funny! I hope this list wasn't compiled from experience! lol
  6451238
June 6, 2011 10:20 PM
i wrote these myself. may i ask whats not funny?
June 6, 2011 10:24 PM
Perhaps some people think men will take this as a challenge just to piss off their wives deliberately.

I had to laugh at most of these because I know exactly how my wife would respond to them (or already does). Luckily for me, my wife has a sense of humor and is secure in her marriage. :-D
June 6, 2011 10:24 PM
Things You Don't Say To Your Wife

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK2OakMoW_c


It was very long, but the ones I read were funny - I'll come back and read more later.
Edited by deeharley On June 6, 2011 10:29 PM
  5512819
June 6, 2011 10:26 PM
Who has that much time on their hands just to sit around thinking of ways to piss of their spouse? Its immature.

Be more productive!
Goodnight
Edited by JessesGirl05 On June 6, 2011 10:27 PM
June 6, 2011 10:31 PM
QUOTE:

Who has that much time on their hands just to sit around thinking of ways to piss of their spouse? Its immature.

Be more productive!
Goodnight



hmm im not married. i just got bored. i also wrote 101 ways to kill a chicken. i hate chickens.
June 6, 2011 10:35 PM
QUOTE:

Who has that much time on their hands just to sit around thinking of ways to piss of their spouse? Its immature.

Be more productive!
Goodnight

Hey have some fun! Why r u taking it so seriously?
June 6, 2011 10:41 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Who has that much time on their hands just to sit around thinking of ways to piss of their spouse? Its immature.

Be more productive!
Goodnight



hmm im not married. i just got bored. i also wrote 101 ways to kill a chicken. i hate chickens.


I have thirty chickens to kill this fall - that second list would be useful. laugh
  5512819
June 7, 2011 6:17 PM
please do not take offense. it is simply that i was attacked by a chicken once and she ate part of my leg. while sitting in the ospital i wrote a list of 101 ways to kill that chicken.

1.see taht m16 over there? let's pretend we are in the mafia and shoot them.
2.a chcien looks at you funny. Beat them on the head with a baseball bat.
3.PLace a chicken in a garbage bag and tie up. Throw in the iar. Oh look target practice.
4.Stuff as many cchickens as you can into a dog carrier. Drop in a deep lake.
5.Pretend they are zombies. Use your head, cut off theirs.
6.Skin them.
7.Put a chicken in a garbage bag. Cut little holes in it. Tie the bag up and hang from a tree.
8.Place as many chickens as you can in an air tight box then seal off.
9.mix rat poisen in their food
10.mix draino in their water
11.fill their pen with rat traps
12.place a hound dog in their pen
13.boil them. Chicken dumpling time!
14.stuff as many chickens as you can fit in the oven. Preheat to 350.
15.microwave them
16.don't feed them....ever
17.hang them
18.tape their mouth closed so they cant eat
19.cover them in tar
20.duck tape everything but their head to a sheet of wood
21.place in a blender
22.place in a deep freeze
23.place in a box and mail to the president or your inlaws
24.okace in a barrel of nails and roll down a hill
25.bury alive. Coome back ina week and you have a great place for a garden.
26.place in a tank with leeches
27.place in a washer on medium load
28.place in the dryer on delicate
29.tie to the railroad tracks
30.bake into a gingerbread man and serve at church
31.place on a leash and tie to the back of your car. Isnt it time for work?
32.drop in the middle of the ocean
33.place in the deep fry
34.hang upside down on the school flagpole
35.tape to a dart board. Want to play?
36.Tape to the floor. Tilt head back as fas as possible. Place knife under its chin. Step on its stomach. Its head will fly forward.....
37.pluck all the feathers. Remove only the top layer os skin leaving the nerves in place
38.stone to death with its own eggs
39.cut one wing off
40.force is to do the splits. Tape in that position.
41.super glue its eyes close. here kitty kitty kitty
42.cover in grease and set on fire
43.place feet in bowel of water. Freeze the bowel.
44.Place in a canyon with a canyon ball. Ready? Aim! Fire!
45.leave in a desert
46.leave on the north pole
47.it ate a chunk of my leg. Cook and it a chunk of its leg.
48.run over. back up. run over. back up. repeat till satisfied
49.feed to an alligator
50.rabbit feet sell well. Why not try the market of chicken feet?
51.tape to ceiling fan and turn on high
52.place one chicken in a dog carriei. Pressure wash the door.
53.tape to a tigers back.
54.give it a leethal injection
55.roast marshmellows on a scewer. Roast chickens on scewers.
56.disect it with friends
57.cook and give away for christmas gifts
58.dip in acid
59.drop from an airplane
60.slice half an inch off starting with the toes
61.throw against a wall
62.slit its throat
63.tape ontop of an ant hill
64.leave in your trunk in the summer
65.never water them
66.snap their neck
67.dump boiling water over
68.tape legs together
69.beat with a shovel
70.run over with a bulldozer
71.hang upside down from a large bridge
72.throw a grenade at
73.stab in the heart and twist the knife
74.cut in half
75.tie a garbage bag over its head
76.strangle
77.gas them
78.cover in gasoline and throw lite matches at them
79.nail each wing to the wall
80.duck tape its mouth closed and tape over its nostrils
81.use a rolling pil to flaten it out
82.pretend its a voodoo dall and stab pins in it
83.tape its feet to the roof of your car. go 82mph
84.let the cats play with it
85.let it play with bears
86.give it to starving children in africa
87.leave in a closed dumbster
88.bury its head in the ground
89.let it become bffs ith the worlds largest snake
90.give it to chick-fila
91.slam it in a door
92.tape it to the wall and start nail gun practice
93.hot glue one end to the other
94.use it for a baseball
95.use it for a soccer ball
96.poor hot glue down its throat
97.staple head to wall
98.throw it off a cliff.....after you have clipped its wings
99.drop bowling balls on it
100.let is sky dive....without a parachut (you dont need a parachute to skydive, just to skydive twice)
101.shoot it
June 7, 2011 8:15 PM
QUOTE:

Who has that much time on their hands just to sit around thinking of ways to piss of their spouse? Its immature.

Be more productive!
Goodnight


Where's your sense of humour? If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all!

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