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TOPIC: STOP TAKING ALLI IMMEDIATLY!!!

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April 11, 2011 2:09 PM
I was once an Alli believe thinking that anyone who said they experience things like this just weren't taking it correctly. But after experiencing this for myself I figured I'd share with the class. Please Read the article I found below!
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I found this news on Salon.com and felt compelled to throw my two cents in. There's a "new" over-the-counter drug available in the US that's apparently flying off the shelves. It's called alli (note the way-trendy lower case!); and I use the term "new" loosely because it's apparently a lower strength version of a prescription-only drug (Xenical) that's been around for a while.

So what does this incredibly popular wonder drug do? Well, not to go all Bill Clinton on you, but it depends on what your definition of "do" is. You see, there's (1) what the drug company markets it as, (2) the medical description of what it does, and (3) the biggest effect you're actually going to notice.

The drug company markets it as a weight loss pill. They say it will give "safe, effective weight loss". And because it's FDA approved it, it must be good. What could possibly go wrong?

A simplified medical description of the drug is that it's a fat blocker. It stops your body from absorbing some of the fat in your diet. It doesn't burn calories. But fat that would have otherwise been absorbed by your body... isn't. Because fat contains calories, less calories will go into your body.

But here's the most important thing the drug does: it makes you **** oil. Worse, it makes you **** your pants. With oil.

This is not the ravings of some fringe conspiracy group -- this is what the company tells you itself on its website. "Buy our drug if you want to lose weight. Oh, by the way, you'll end up ****ting your pants."

Neat, huh? No wonder it's selling so well. That large sector of the public that enjoy having their pants filled with liquefied **** has been seriously under-catered to up until now.

The drug company indulges in classic marketing bull**** that really pisses me off, but they still fail to obscure the horror of what's going to happen to you if you take their drug. The first bit of marketing bull**** they spin that makes me want to smack them in the ****ing head is the old "eat healthier and exercise more to get the full benefits".

Hello?!?!?! If you eat less fat and exercise, you don't need their ****ing pills. I'm sick of these sleazy companies pretending that they're promoting health. They're promoting bad habits and laziness. The subtext to the whole thing is "this drug lets you lose weight with NO exercise and NO change to your eating patterns". People who can eat healthier and exercise more aren't interested in this ****. But the company doesn't think it'll get away with an advertising slogan along the lines of "**** diet and exercise! Take these pills and **** your weight away!"

The second thing they do that pisses me off is deliberately using language designed to obscure the full horror of the effects of their drug. They can't even come clean and call them "side-effects" -- instead, they go with "treatment effects". Hell, maybe they're right, these aren't side effects. Side effects are incidental to the main effects. ****ting your pants is the main effect of this drug. It literally *is* the treatment effect.

Try as they might, their weasel words can't hide how horrible their drug actually is. Following are actual quotes from their website, followed by Mr Angry's no bull**** translation.

Website Bull**** (WSBS). You may get:


gas with oily spotting,
loose stools
more frequent stools that may be hard to control
No Bull**** Translation. The following things will happen to you:


You will spray oil when you fart
You will have diarrhoea
You will be ****ting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels to the point where you **** your pants
WSBS: "The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza."

No BS: Oh dear god. Pizza is one of my favorite foods and these evil ****s have done their best to turn me off it for life. It will be very hard to look at a pizza again without wondering if someone on this drug has taken a **** on it.

WSBS: "Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes." (my emphasis)

No BS: Even if you do cut back on fat, you're still going to **** oil.

WSBS: "...pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect."

No BS: Do not go out in public after taking this drug. You are going to **** yourself. Stay close to a toilet.

WSBS: "If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over."

No BS: Don't say you weren't warned. You are seriously going to **** yourself.

WSBS: "You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens."

No BS: You're old life is over. Forget what you think you know about your body. You are going to fart uncontrollably. And there will be follow-through. This is not going to be something you want to share.

And my absolute favorite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):

WSBS: "You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."

Oh. My. ****ing. God. They are so sure you are going to **** your pants they are saying you should accept the inevitable. There is no way to avoid this. So wear dark pants to hide the liquid **** stains. And bring a change of clothes. Because your first set are going to get impregnated with liquid ****.

To me, this is the ultimate evidence that western society is utterly ****ed. You can tell people that taking a pill will make them **** their pants uncontrollably. And your pill will be an utterly out-of-control success.

On their site, there is also a link to a video where you could "watch alli in action". I assume this is a video showing people ****ting their pants. I couldn't bring myself to look
April 11, 2011 2:11 PM
You cursed a LOT! :O
April 11, 2011 2:15 PM
thanks for the detailed analysis of why you should never let a pill do a bicep's job. thanks for the info. and the chuckles!
  304422
April 11, 2011 2:16 PM
QUOTE:

You cursed a LOT! :O


Seconded. If you had a legitimate point to make about alli it was lost when I read it.
  1888305
April 11, 2011 2:18 PM
As a person named Alli, I'm mostly bothered that they chose to give their drug my name...
April 11, 2011 2:18 PM
I research this company for my job and the VP of marketing at the time talking about pooping herself as if it was no biggie. I do not see how anyone can spin that into a good thing.
  3573707
April 11, 2011 2:18 PM
lol! I took alli once but not long enough to actually get the crapping of the pants.
  2155698
April 11, 2011 2:18 PM
These side effects are very true. A friend tried this and in fact crapped her pants at work several times before finally throwing it in the trash. Yeah....no thanks.
April 11, 2011 2:19 PM
This is completely disgusting. And it made me laugh. A lot.
April 11, 2011 2:20 PM
OMG, this made me laugh so hard. I'm dieing here. LOL laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh
April 11, 2011 2:22 PM
Ok This was my favorite Post I have read by far!!!!!! You go get em . I think it is crazy the extent people will go to lose weight , and I myself have been guilty of trying crazy things in the past. No more a light came on and it's only healthy eating for me.
  5930199
April 11, 2011 2:22 PM
my eyes are watering from laughing so hard! I thought about taking it last year but stumbled across this site and it was much better.
April 11, 2011 2:24 PM
well it's not like they hide the fact that it will happen. It's all over their website and forums that it's a problem.

But because you have a negative view of it, why do people have to stop taking it? If they want to poop their pants, let them.
April 11, 2011 2:24 PM
OMG... I can't stop laughing... and this makes me SO glad I've never stooped to taking 'diet pills'.... wow...
  5270130
April 11, 2011 2:25 PM
I did take alli for a while and yes this topic is 100% true.

I could not stop laughing as I read the entire post. The curses sold me right away!
  4083051
April 11, 2011 2:26 PM
lmao! I didn't get any "treatment effects", but then I don't eat high fat, still when I did have an uber greasy pizza one day I stayed effect free, so I guess they don't work on me. Either way I stopped after a few weeks as there wasn't any change
  4532640
April 11, 2011 2:29 PM
Thank you for the good laugh! A little common sense goes a long way! Just eat less fat and calories and you get the same weight loss effect without that nasty little side effect.
April 11, 2011 2:30 PM
Don't laugh too hard you might **** yourself!! laugh laugh laugh laugh

This was so freaking funny, but so true. People, pills don't work!
  3648237
April 11, 2011 2:32 PM
QUOTE:

well it's not like they hide the fact that it will happen. It's all over their website and forums that it's a problem.

But because you have a negative view of it, why do people have to stop taking it? If they want to poop their pants, let them.


I wasn't going to respond at all, until I read this... you are SO right! I mean, who are we to tell anyone they can't poop their pants?! If thats how they wanna go about this, then go right ahead!

As as side note, if you wanna just crap your pants regularly, just crap your pants, don't take a pill to have an excuse for it! LOL
  2651046
April 11, 2011 2:37 PM
Yeah, anything that prevents absorption can have that side effect. I would think it'd be a cheating deterrent for those who have that problem love ... But those who don't, great! flowerforyou
April 11, 2011 2:37 PM
It is a fat binder and doing exactly what it is suppose to. If you don't digest and store/burn the fat you eat it has to go somewhere. And... Well shall we say come out in some way.
April 11, 2011 2:39 PM
Great post....any notion I might ever had of trying alli has disappeared. YUCK!
April 11, 2011 2:40 PM
Omg! Who is crazy enough to take this?!
  5369321
April 11, 2011 2:42 PM
Hilarious! It does say a lot about our society that there are people who'd rather **** their pants than eat right & exercise.
  4969042
April 11, 2011 2:42 PM
I had a friend a while back that was all gung ho about taking ALLI, I never said anything to discourage her, I knew the side effects but figured hey let her find out herself. Well she took them for a couple days and suddenly stopped without ever saying why. My only guess is she **** her pants at least once :)

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