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TOPIC: Met this guy online - afraid to send him my pics !!!!!!

 
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January 21, 2011 3:17 PM
Well - who else will truly understand except my fellow fitness pals.

I have been talking to this guy online - we are getting along so well. We have exchanged pics..... except the only pic I have sent him of me is a head and shoulders one. Now he wants to see a head to toe shot. Of course I don't have any full body pics of me because I hate the way my body looks. I promised to send him a pic this weekend. but i keep making excuses to myself and I am sure I won't have managed to take a nice one by Monday.

After separating from a cheating husband my confidence plummeted and my weight almost doubled. Now I am left with a dilemma - do I start dating when i feel comfortable with my body or do I say - what the hell - this is me - take it or leave it.
I am so confident over the telephone and have been putting off an actual meeting up for ages. Now we have set a date to meet in Feb and I am kicking myself that i didn't start dieting in Jan 2010 instead of Jan 2011.

I am nervous about meeting - what if he doesn't like the way I look either. - Uuuugh! That will send me straight to Krispy Kreme after stopping at KFC. embarassed
  735493
January 21, 2011 3:23 PM
He should like you for who you are as a person. If you are getting along now, then sending him a pic should not be that bad. I have been in your situation before but those guys who can't see beyond weight are not worth it. You should not have to change for anyone but yourself! The guys who can see beyond it are the keepers!! I met my husband that way :)
January 21, 2011 3:23 PM
I would definitely take the "this is me, take it or leave it" approach. I have no idea how long you have been talking with him, and I know that the prospect of a new romance/relationship is exciting, but think about it this way: would you want to be with someone who would judge you solely on your appearance anyway?? If he is worth having, he will still be into you when you send him the pic. If he isn't, he is probably shallow and would end up being a jerk in many other forms as well and you will have saved yourself the headache and heartache. In my humble opinion of course smile
  710793
January 21, 2011 3:24 PM
If he really likes YOU, the weight shouldn't matter and you're working on losing it so it's not like you'll be heavy for long. I personally decided to wait until I get where I want to be before dating. I met some guys but they weren't the kind of guys I deserved. Good luck to you and don't go off the wagon if he can't see what really matters. Don't punish yourself. flowerforyou
January 21, 2011 3:24 PM
OMG Im doing the same thing...dating online. I usually ask the guy what he likes in a woman big or skinny or his preference. I cant be with a guy who likes skinny because im not, im chunky. My son is 18 and is dating a larger girl I say around 190 lbs he doesnt care about her weight because she is so nice and beautiful and treats my son very well. He loves her the way she is and that is so sweet it makes me proud to say I raised a good boy. Hint around to what kind of girl he likes, you never know some guys out there like the thick woman. Dating sucks at least the guys I go out with....LMAO
January 21, 2011 3:25 PM
I understand how you feel. But there's a couple of good things here, you have lots of time to lose weight by February, even a couple of weeks can make a big difference, take a full body picture side on and smile! if this guy is as nice as you think he is and you're getting on so well, then he won't care about how you look, he'll care about the person inside, I know that's really corny, but you've already made a connection and you can feel the chemistry right?? we're all so obsessed with size and weight, my husband loves me for who I am and always makes me feel so special. We have amazing chemistry. You also need to start liking/loving yourself before you can let someone really in. Try looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself on all of the really positive things about you, so you can be confident when you meet him face to face. I wish you luck, I hope it goes really well for you!!! :-)
January 21, 2011 3:25 PM
if he doesn't like your pix it's his lost. Have you mention anything about your wt to him to see how he acts towards it?
  1869876
January 21, 2011 3:26 PM
Yikes!!!
I really think you have got some fessing up to do. You have talked to him a lot via phone and internet. He must know about your previus relationship and how that made you feel, right? I think you need to tell him about the way you reacted to it and what your are doing about it. (gained weight and working on losing it. ) Do you really want to jump into another superficial relationship? He should like you and support you the way you are. If you have not talked to him about who you are and what you feel, then you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. If you have been telling him the things, you think, he wants to hear, he will eventually get to the real you, and the real you, isn't what he signed up for. It works both ways. Would you want to be with him if he was lying about all the things he did and didn't like just to impress you?

Best of luck!!! Maybe things will all work out, but honesty is the best policy.
  3428248
January 21, 2011 3:26 PM
I say go for it! The take it or leave it approach is the best. If you are not "good enough" now - then you'll be "too good" for him later.
If you are stalling because a little voice is telling you don't do it, then go w/ that little voice. It is ALWAYS right.
AND if it doesn't work out, don't go to KFC or Krispy Kreme. Go to MFP, we are here.
January 21, 2011 3:28 PM
I think that you should be confident in yourself. Obviously there is a connection between the two of you without seeing each other. If he is someone you want sticking around you he has to accept and love you for who you are. Any other type of man isn't worth the time or the tears.

Plus, You are taking steps to fix the problem so I wouldn't worry about it. Just be confident in who you are.
  1131484
January 21, 2011 3:30 PM
Any guy who asks to see a full body photo before he'll meet up with you is horribly shallow, in my opinion! If a girl is nice, and she has a pretty face, who cares about anything else?
  1525621
January 21, 2011 3:45 PM
Thanks for all the comments. Sharing and caring bunch you are indeed.
I wish I could meet a man who saw beneath the physical - how many of those are out there? I am not confident enough to even broach the topic of "does he like skinny women or otherwise" Guess I am scared he might say skinny. He did mention that a womans character is the most important thing but I think me wallowing in my self pity and how did i get myself into this fat state wonders how true he is being when he says that. Kind of like when people say "Beauty is only skin deep" and you look at them over the top of your glasses before clearing your throat.

thanyou Yayme17 - You are so right - "If I am not good enough now then I will be too good for him later"

Well I am gonna go for it and take the pic. If i fall down I will be looking to my new MFP friends to pick me up. happy
  735493
January 21, 2011 3:45 PM
Yikes
Edited by Liberiangirl2011 On January 21, 2011 3:49 PM
  735493
January 21, 2011 3:45 PM
Ooops again
Edited by Liberiangirl2011 On January 21, 2011 3:49 PM
  735493
January 21, 2011 3:46 PM
Didn't mean to post this 4x
Edited by Liberiangirl2011 On January 21, 2011 3:48 PM
  735493
January 21, 2011 3:46 PM
Oops
Edited by Liberiangirl2011 On January 21, 2011 3:48 PM
  735493
January 21, 2011 3:49 PM
I know just were your coming from I was married to an mental and physical abusive man always put me down we finally divorced and down the road I meet my husband we've been married 6 months now, first we talked all the time even web cam but I always made sure it was just chest up, but when we first started talking I told him "Im not skinny girl so if that's what your looking for then sorry but I'm an Iowa corn feed girl I'm working on my weight" we kept talking then later he asked for a full picture I could have puked I told him I'm scared to send it but I will you need to see the real me and he said I already know the real you but I'd just like to see you so I did and I'll tell you it seemed like hrs till he called me back which was only 15 minutes I danced a jig and two weeks later he came all the way from Alabama and here we are 2 yrs later married. if he hadn't talked to me instead then I would have been heart broken but I wouldn't have wanted to be with someone if looks was all that mattered cause I was worth more then that. You are also worth more so tell him how you feel then send him the picture, hold your head high I wish you the best.
  3672585
January 21, 2011 3:55 PM
Thanks Athena76 - you know exactly where I'm at. So glad you had a happy ending and thanks for the support
  735493
January 21, 2011 4:31 PM
I started dating my sweetie after I lost 30 lbs. Turned out he has liked me for the last couple of years (before I lost the weight) and he never really noticed... my point is, if someone likes you they like you for who you are....your body's shape (or lack thereof) shouldn't matter.
but what's interesting is the reason why we never got together until i lost the 30 lbs was because I didn't feel comfortable..and I couldn't imagine he would like me. He did!!! So I say learn to love yourself and let yourself be loved. I wish I had two and a half years ago....I would have been with him sooner! And if you give this guy your pics and his attitude towards you changes, then that's not the kind of man you want now is it???
January 21, 2011 4:43 PM
QUOTE:

Any guy who asks to see a full body photo before he'll meet up with you is horribly shallow, in my opinion! If a girl is nice, and she has a pretty face, who cares about anything else?


I agree with this! If he is asking for pic head to toe, he's looking at the outside not the inside...give him the real you, inside and out and if that isn't good enough for him...he's not good enough for you!!!
January 21, 2011 7:22 PM
I met my guy online too. I talked to him for months online before I talked to him on the phone. He had this goofyarsed pic on his profile and I just didn't want to meet him (shallow of me I know). He is 7 years younger than me. noway He was fun to chat with online and we chatted almost every day. All I had on my profile was a head shot, but I did say that I was a large gal. He thought I was a "cool chick", and kept begging me to meet him for coffee or something. After about 5 months I let him talk me into dinner. I was very hesitant because he was so much younger than me. He offered to cook, I was at loose ends, so I said ok. He opened his door and gave me the once over, and got a HUGE grin on his face. We have been together ever since. I am now back down to the weight I was when I met him in 2005. He did ask for a head to toe pic, but I never gave him one because I never intended to meet him. Glad I changed my mind. love
January 21, 2011 7:27 PM
Go for it! I left me cheating ex in August and haven't looked back! I've gone on a few dates and they've been great. If this guy is as great as he seems...your physical appearance won't make much of a difference as to how he views you. And if he is that shallow...he is not much of a man!
January 21, 2011 7:30 PM
QUOTE:

Any guy who asks to see a full body photo before he'll meet up with you is horribly shallow, in my opinion! If a girl is nice, and she has a pretty face, who cares about anything else?



I agree.

I mean, when I was dating, I didn't ask to see a pic of a guys "package" before a date ...lol.
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