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TOPIC: body dysmorphia sorta

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February 19, 2014 2:58 PM
Maybe it's part because all the other stuff in my head currently. Doesn't help that I'm borderline either I'm sure.

But being content with my appearance, or liking it at all, as always been a bit of a struggle for me. However, it seems to be getting harder as I’m losing weight. I have lost a total of 54 lbs since September. and I still have trouble seeing these changes in my body.

on one hand, I know they are there. but at the same time, my brain tries tricking me into thinking it’s camera angle or me sucking it in even though
1 I’m not doing that and
2 it wouldn’t be such a difference as everyone says it is.

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I guess it’s different to have an idea of how I think I look and then having to adjust that.
but I alternate between feeling insanely proud of myself and feeling like a fraud. especially when people ask what my “secret” is.

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My secret is feel like a fake. My secret is I don’t really know how to feel about myself anymore, or how to see myself. My secret is I’m scared I’m going to self destruct on this like I always do -.-
does anyone else know how I feel or am I just crazy?
Edited by itsdami On February 19, 2014 2:58 PM
February 19, 2014 3:01 PM
...and yet, besides all that, here you are as a Success Story.



Take it in, sweetheart. You're the Real Deal.
  5978
February 19, 2014 3:06 PM
god, thank you. that actually made me tear up a little. :]
Edited by itsdami On February 19, 2014 3:06 PM
February 19, 2014 3:09 PM
i understand. ive lost 65 pounds so far. 60 more till goal. somedays i can see what an amazing job ive done so far. but most of the time i see such a big big girl in the mirror.
  47401842
February 19, 2014 3:20 PM
I can definitely tell a difference, I'm 100% serious. You and I seem to have a similar body type, and I think you're an inspiration. You look like what I hope to look like one day. You're doing an awesome job :)
  34074128
February 19, 2014 3:38 PM
thank you, really. :]
February 19, 2014 3:43 PM
.
Edited by qtgonewild On February 19, 2014 3:54 PM
  47401842
February 19, 2014 3:46 PM
You have clearly lost body fat and good on ya. Having the courage to persist despite what your mind - and maybe some assholes - are telling you is very admirable and I wish you the best of luck with your quest for fitness and health.

As for the body image... It sucks but there are women - myself among them - who are below 17% BFat, work out for 2 hours a day, eat upwards of 3000 calories a day, and still have more days than not where they hate how they look or judge themselves too harshly. This all goes to say that you are not alone in feeling insecure about your body and wishing you could see yourself the way others see you. I have found that the best way to deal with these feelings is to focus on what I can accomplish with my body rather than what it looks like. If I go up 10lbs on my max squat or can run a mile just a little faster or even if I can make it up the stairs to my apartment rather than taking the elevator, I congratulate my body and my mind on their achievements and try not to think so much about numbers, weight, or aesthetics. Framing really matters!!
February 19, 2014 3:52 PM
First of all, yes, I see a big difference! You look amazing!

It's hard to notice changes because you see yourself every day. Also, because you'll still retain your overall shape and will shrink mostly in equal parts, it's like you are just a smaller version of the same shape. For me that made it hard to wrap my brain around my size because I felt like my hips and thighs were still so big compared to the rest of me.

I'm working off weight from baby #2 (and it's incredibly slow going due to nursing), but after my first I used MFP to lose 82 lbs. I went from squeezing into a generous size 16 to wearing a size 4/6. I'd be folding laundry and would hold up my small jeans and think they didn't look that much smaller to me than, say, my size 14s. However now I look at those small jeans and wonder how I was possibly small enough to wear those (and still be able to breathe).

It takes time for your mind to catch up with your body. It might even take years, but you'll get there!

In the meantime, take lots of pictures and measurements flowerforyou

Edited for typo
Edited by RBXChas On February 19, 2014 3:56 PM
  5503108
February 19, 2014 4:16 PM
You definitely can tell you have lost weight. Love and accept yourself no matter what you weigh. Congrats on your success! You are still going to be the precious, lovable "you" regardless if you are 150 lbs. or 250 lbs.

Great job!
Edited by wonderwoman234 On February 19, 2014 4:17 PM
  28475449
February 19, 2014 4:22 PM
you guys are all fantastic, I'm really trying to see it in myself, and feel more confident about the fact that I can do 30+ mins on the elliptical again without needing to pause or whatnot.

it's weird, I think was more body positive at 280 than I am now at 226. but I had been that size for so long, and I've not yet adjusted to the fact that I am actually scary close to hitting 220 [the size I was when I first found out I was preg w my son, I haven't been that size since I was 18]

I'm also a little surprised my mother hasn't been more supportive considering all the **** she ever gave me about being fat >.< lol
February 19, 2014 4:22 PM
We are our own worst critics - you look awesome - embrace your success! drinker
  54838859
February 19, 2014 4:25 PM
Girl, you have curves for days! Congratulations on an amazing transformation :) You SHOULD be insanely proud of yourself!!
February 19, 2014 4:27 PM
I notice the little things. Like for example - I have belly fold, so once in a while, I will notice how the "fold" is not as deep as it once was. Sometimes I find it helpful to just lay in bed with the lights out and just feel my stomach - it is amazing how my brain expects there to be a big gut, but once I feel...it is not there!

Progress pictures are the absolute best! Mirrors and brains do not mix.
  12704620
February 19, 2014 4:30 PM
You should be very proud of yourself!I see a big Difference!!54 pounds lost is awesome!! But I do know how you feel, kinda. I used to weigh around 202 after giving birth, today I weigh 135, but sometimes when I look in the mirror,I see only the flaws, instead of how far I've come. I try to get the negative thoughts out of my head asap, and look at old pictures of myself and old jeans and then I start top see how much I've accomplished. It takes time to get comfortable with it, but I know you can do this!! You've come so far already!! Just keep going, no matter what and don't give up! Be patient and your hard work will soon pay off big time! Trust the process and try not to dwell on any negative thoughts :-)
February 19, 2014 4:35 PM
I can certainly see your success. Great job!! I think we all struggle with noticing it on ourselves, in the mirror. We see ourselves everyday. But you must see it in the photos. Rely on those. Cheers to you. You're inspiring.
  711009
February 19, 2014 4:49 PM
I know it's hard everyday to want to be at the end and at your goal, you look great and you're clearly making progress. During this time, focus on other things as you continue to eat well and work out. Take monthly pics and weights but don't let yourself get down because you aren't where you want to be yet. Just keep up the great work and don't get discouraged, let the time fly by.
  55211329
February 19, 2014 5:17 PM
Uh I didn't even need to take a second look to see how successful you've been so far. The 50 pound club is the real deal, whether or not you see it in yourself.
February 19, 2014 5:54 PM
I feel I should be careful. I don't know how much this will help you.

Many years ago I lost a hug amount of weight. As I lost 40 pounds and then another 40 and so on, I started to feel frequently very panicky. I still don't understand it. I kept photos of myself at my highest weight and took photos as time went on. The less I weighed the more I felt fear. Maybe fear of who I might be when I was a more healthy weight?? I remember seeing myself in a mirror above a sink in a public restroom and I immediately started to move away thinking that there was someone else standing right in front of me! It was just my own reflection. Similar things happened to me upon walking up to a building which was mostly made of glass. I searched for my own reflection but just saw someone I did not recognize immediately. Eventually came the times when I would try on some form fitting outfit and actually not feel that it was my own real body! Then there were all the dates with really handsome men and I was very much accepted as always having been of a normal weight. I took up running. I took up ballroom dancing. I joined the human race which is just how I felt. Eventually I accepted who I had become.

After I had been down to a healthy weight for about a year this strange experience had passed and I never felt it again. I am not that heavy now and I don't think I shall ever feel that way again.

I get the feeling that you are going through a tough mental adjustment period. Stick with it. Be tough. You are living in a totally different body . Hard as it is to accept, people DO treat us differently when we are leaner. Honestly it really angered me and disgusted me how the men I knew all tried to hit on me when I lost that 125 pounds!! Suddenly I was worth talking to, smiling at and getting a pat on the ass which was not always accepted. Sometimes the fat is just a cloak to protect us from facing the world.

You definitely have changed. You also must know that you have OUR support.

Katherineheart
Edited by KatherinesRiver On February 19, 2014 6:00 PM
February 19, 2014 6:05 PM
QUOTE:

i understand. ive lost 65 pounds so far. 60 more till goal. somedays i can see what an amazing job ive done so far. but most of the time i see such a big big girl in the mirror.

I am in exactly the same space. I have lost 58 and have 58 to go. I have days where I feel great, and those that I feel super fat and icky.
  51875627
February 19, 2014 6:07 PM
I am in the same boat. I've lost 65 lbs, gone from a size 20/22 to a 10, and there are days when I look int he mirror and only see that size 20 woman, not me as I am now. I have to take pictures to see it.

I think that it just takes time to adjust. I can tell you've lost a LOT from your pictures, and you're on your way to going even further. Hang in there and give yourself some time to adjust.
  49639950
February 19, 2014 6:14 PM
We all have a "sorta dysmorphia." Not a single one of us truly knows what we actually look like to others, even when we know ourselves well. I had a time when I would double take at every mirror thinking there was a stranger in my house. I still don't FEEL successful, but I finally decided I would fake it until I make it. So far that is working for me. When people compliment you, own it. You deserve the compliments. You have done beautiful work. Just say thank you and keep moving!drinker
February 19, 2014 6:18 PM
This seems to be very common. I have heard this story before and I have lived this story also. My loss has slowed significantly over the last six months but have lost a total of 135-140 pounds since Feb 2012, with about 15-20 to go....and sometimes I still catch my reflection in the mirror and am surprised by what I see.
This too shall pass--dont doubt your success to date. Good luck on your continued success.
  17130290
February 19, 2014 6:19 PM
I completely get where you're coming from... I have been 135 and 195, and everywhere in between, and in the mirror I could barely see a difference. On camera, though, I could. So I took pictures. More than that, though, I recorded tangible evidence. I took measurements. I bought clothes in new sizes. Those things told me what my eyes couldn't see, and it really did help. :) You are doing great. Keep it up. :)
  6913781
February 19, 2014 6:28 PM
Nothing to do with the angle of the camera darling, you have lost a lot of weight and I can see it very clearly!! Amazingly done!! I lost only half of what you have couple of years ago and in some point I swear I was freaking out, it was like: who is this person??!! Like I was scared of losing my identity or something. It did pass with coming weeks and now it seems like a far away memory. I'm sure it is all perfectly normal because it is a huge change after all.

So keep going, girl! You're doing great! You'll get used to your new shape!
  23176947

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