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TOPIC: Dealing with Ex's new "girlfriend"

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October 31, 2013 9:50 AM
My husband and I are in the very beginning stages of divorce (haven't even contacted lawyers yet, just deciding a lot on our own). We are still living together until February so we can both get on our feet financially. He is sleeping in the basement bedroom and there is no physical contact between us. The divorce is completely MY idea. He is still claiming he wants to work things out with me.

Despite that he has a girlfriend and now wants us to be friends. I've known her a long time and we just never really got along but that was years ago. I'm stuck in the middle of wanting to be nice to her so he will move on and quit trying to make this work (because him and I simply won't work) and just finding it weird to deal with another girl around.

We have 2 kids together so chances are I'll spend a lot of time dealing with anyone he dates. He's a less than stellar dad but I know this girl is fabulous with kids.

It's just a weird situation, for example she wanted to come over last night while i was home and he was at work so she'd be there when he got home (I'd be at work minutes later). I just don't know how I feel. I don't mind him having a girlfriend and I would like it if her being at our house was strictly on my terms since I don't want the kids to meet her yet.3

How do I even handle this???
  1741400
October 31, 2013 9:55 AM
How old are your kids?
  48820759
October 31, 2013 9:55 AM
It sounds like you're at a point where it's best for one of you to move out.
October 31, 2013 9:58 AM
Red flags are flying everywhere. You've known her a long time, yet now she's his girlfriend? And they both seem super comfy about being together considering your divorce is in it's infancy. And he says he wants to work things out. I think I see why you're divorcing him. I truly hope you the best. flowerforyou
October 31, 2013 9:58 AM
Get him out of that house with his damn GF. You dont have to be nice to her. That's got to be a living hell for you and confusing for the kids. He needs to get an apt somewhere with lawn furniture in the living room like every other newly divorced guy.
October 31, 2013 9:59 AM
QUOTE:

It sounds like you're at a point where it's best for one of you to move out.

QFT
October 31, 2013 10:00 AM
Yeah, that's absurd. He shouldn't even be considering bringing his new gf over to the house where him and his not yet divorced wife live. That's just immature. And there is nothing wrong with you not accepting that. This is a tough situation and you do not have to compromise unless it is in the best interest of your children.
  45409844
October 31, 2013 10:07 AM
Get him out of the house, get her out of the house. It's great that you think she might be good with the kids further down the line. However, that will be then, & this is now. There is no need for her to be at your house. Tell your husband to go round her damn house! If financially it makes sense let him stay for a limited time, but get yourself a lawyer asap!

Not being funny but in what world would he have a new girlfriend. If he wanted to work things out? Time to move on & out of limbo. Good luck.
  45092992
October 31, 2013 10:10 AM
QUOTE:

Yeah, that's absurd. He shouldn't even be considering bringing his new gf over to the house where him and his not yet divorced wife live. That's just immature. And there is nothing wrong with you not accepting that. This is a tough situation and you do not have to compromise unless it is in the best interest of your children.


Yeah, pretty much everything else said in this thread, but most especially this. He's playing games with you, and your kids are caught in the cross-fire. It is in no way appropriate for him to disrespect you in front of your children this way. If you give in to this, then there will always be something that he will want you to cave on (because you still have to be parents).
  7030416
October 31, 2013 10:12 AM
That's ridiculous. They can go to her place until you two are living in separate homes.

You don't need to be besties, but being civil for the sake of your children would be ideal.
  12837362
October 31, 2013 10:13 AM
I don't think I would go along with that. Have him move out if he want his GF to visit him. I started dating someone when my ex and I split up but still lived together for a few months, but I never brought anyone into the house until she moved out while I lived there waiting for it to sell. That is just strange he would even want to bring her over, unless he is just trying to make you jealous.
October 31, 2013 10:14 AM
wow, my ex sure as hell would not be living in the same house and bringing the chick home
not a chance in HELL!
I hope you meet a nice guy that shows u respect.
get rid of this loser
focus on your kids.
  18764101
October 31, 2013 10:16 AM
She wants the divorce, she moves out. He shouldn't be bringing his new toy around the kids though, certainly not at this point.
  48820759
October 31, 2013 10:16 AM
I am so confused? Why the hell would this woman come to your house?!?! I get that he is still living there but I think it is WRONG for him to have a girlfriend until you are officially separated and living in separate homes. Why do you think you'll to be spend lots of time with her? Even with kids I cannot imagine 1 scenario other than a school function that you'd need to "spend time with her" an even then, dont sit by each other, dont talk to each other. You may need to be civil of course for the kids sake but coming to your house?!?1 come on!

Ps I think your soon to be ex is a selfish asshole for bringing anyone around your kids right now. They are probably not even grasping what is going on and extremely confused by the situation, adding another woman right now makes it 1000x worse!
Edited by Yodifer On October 31, 2013 10:17 AM
October 31, 2013 10:18 AM
you should move out
  6827545
October 31, 2013 10:20 AM
QUOTE:

That's ridiculous. They can go to her place until you two are living in separate homes.

You don't need to be besties, but being civil for the sake of your children would be ideal.


+1
October 31, 2013 10:21 AM
I'm at the end of my divorce - final hearing is tomorrow morning after 1 1/2 years of separation and trying to get divorced. Married 22 years, one child.

Like others have stated... He needs to leave the house, for real! You need to focus on the kids. You and he need to work out a parenting plan that will work great for both of you and most importantly the children.

He's stringing you along and honestly does not want to get back with you especially if he has a girlfriend! He's telling you lies, selling you a bill of goods, manipulating you...

Kick his a$$ out. He can move in with his girlfriend if he has to. Please stop falling for his BS. flowerforyou
  30362294
October 31, 2013 10:21 AM
dont worry...

i guarantee this situation wont last long as that "angry" switch every woman possesses reserved for "ex s" will kick in at some point and the best advise for you is go see a solicitor who will act in your best interests while your obviously not in control of your own life nor thinking straight in living with the situation you do.
  41812445
October 31, 2013 10:22 AM
He is trying to get you back. He thinks if you see her hanging around you will get jel and take him back. I don't condone what he is doing, but I also won't condemn him either. Dude sounds like he is in a very bad place. That chick is also very desperate, cause there is no chance that this is more than a rebound.
  4042855
October 31, 2013 10:22 AM
Wow, what a turd. In NC, you could sue her for alienation of affection. Course, ours is a backwards state where people can still be prosecuted for such things. I'd toss him out on his ear and tell him and his ho to find a new place to stay.
October 31, 2013 10:23 AM
Ummm... No. Just no. One of you needs to move out. She should not be "hanging out" with you in your marital home. WTF.

As far as whether or not he involves the kids, you don't have a choice, sadly.

Get a lawyer and end this BS.
October 31, 2013 10:24 AM
QUOTE:

He is trying to get you back. He thinks if you see her hanging around you will get jel and take him back. I don't condone what he is doing, but I also won't condemn him either. Dude sounds like he is in a very bad place. That chick is also very desperate, cause there is no chance that this is more than a rebound.


Yeah, well if he wants her back, he's doing it wrong!
  7030416
October 31, 2013 10:26 AM
QUOTE:

That's ridiculous. They can go to her place until you two are living in separate homes.

You don't need to be besties, but being civil for the sake of your children would be ideal.


This!
  9290001
October 31, 2013 10:26 AM
Don't allow this. This is crazy ! No living together if he has another woman !!!!
October 31, 2013 10:27 AM
I'm just trying to imagine my parents bringing either of their new partners around while separated but still living together. that's completely disrespectful to your kids and I'm not sure why 1). you are allowing the girlfriend over and 2). why the ex thinks it's even remotely ok. whether he wants to have a girlfriend while separated is his choice, but she should not be hanging around the house.

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