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TOPIC: Food Controlling My Life!!

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August 2, 2013 4:20 PM
When I got to college, so for the past year, I went on a huge kick to lose weight. Weight started to come off and from March to now, I have lost 35lbs. I went from a size 13 to a size 7 which is great don't get me wrong, but I think along the way I developed a few problems.

I lost the weight by working out everyday and eating around 1200 calories. I used to not believe in eating back the calories I exercised so I probably was only taking in like 1000 calories or less. Everything was fine until like May/June when I started to get really really fatigued and sore/tired all the time. Lately, I've had to eat a bit more to not get so tired and I can't workout as hard as I used too which concerns me cause I am PETRIFIED of gaining weight again. (I gained a lot of weight in high school due to depression and eating due to boredom). So now that I can't workout as hard as I used to I think I should eat less. I've never had a strong metabolism (I'm not one of those girls who can eat whatever they want and gain nothing) so I get so scared.

Now that I'm 140lbs, Im really nervous about what to do. Im not really starving myself, but I have always been hungry all the time. Im addicted to counting calories, so I stopped using myfitnesspal (I used it to lose weight) cause it controlled my life. I eat only things that are low in carbs. I haven't had basically any junk food in like 2 years. I weigh myself everyday. I usually feel guilty after eating anything. I have a strict eating schedule, cause Im frightened of eating due to boredom (I know this is just because its the summer, but I get scared) and do not like snacking cause I feel like it is a tease. I'm hungry all the time and sometimes I can't enjoy doing things because I get hungry and food is all I think about. Its like a mental hunger. I miss eating carbs like breads, noodles, rice, and stuff but Im so scared that all my work will go away. I miss not worrying about what food I eat, the calories, what time I eat, if I'm full or not, if Im allowed to eat's just really taken its toll on me. I think Im scared to eat, is this some sort of eating disorder?

I don't want to eat more, because I still don't have a flat stomach and thats what I really want. I keep losing weight, like Im 139 today, but the stomach isnt going down even though I try and workout everyday, eat no junk, do core exercises everyday...*sigh* I just dont know why I'm so obsessed. I know its just my mind, but sometimes I feel like my stomach is getting bigger O.o People tell me I look great, but I dont see any difference at all :/

Then comes the new fear of all my hard work going away once I go back to college because of drinking and stuff. I want guys at school to notice the weight I lost (that was main goal for losing weight, I know thats really shallow, but its true). So I fear I'll go back to eating less and working out hardcore. :/

Any advice? Is 140 for a 5'9" female a good weight? Should I lose more? How do you deal with mental hunger?
August 2, 2013 7:54 PM
140 at 5'9" is a great weight for you. Eat more and be active. I think you feel hungry because you are hungry. Please fuel your body without guilt. Get some help if you can't stop feeling guilty for needing to fuel your body. Eat back your exercise calories. You can eat at maintenance now.
Edited by healthygreek On August 2, 2013 7:54 PM
August 2, 2013 11:31 PM
Maybe I could be totally off mark, and I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm being mean I don't mean to, but it seems as though you may be beginning to develop an eating disorder. The only reason why I say this is because I have had similar issues in the past. Try to stay strong, and maybe get a consular for help with some of your issues with eating. The mark that are at height/weight wise is actually great! Don't feel guilty for having to give your body nutrition.
August 3, 2013 12:02 AM
I have had similar issues, by heart goes out to you! I joined overeaters anonymous and it has changed how I view myself and how I use food and exercise in my life. All the best!

August 3, 2013 8:30 PM
Thanks for the responses everyone. I will try and find a counselor to talk too cause I hate having "food" and "hunger" distract me from having fun and doing things.

But so how exactly does one go into "maintence"? I mean I dont wanna gain at all, but eating more freaks me out...


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