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TOPIC: First Apartment with boyfriend - any advice?

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May 30, 2013 11:25 AM
My boyfriend and I will be moving into our first apartment together tomorrow afternoon, and I gotta be honest...I'm kin dof nervous because I never moved out before and this is all new but I feel kind of secure because my mom is there to guide me along. is this nervousness normal? I'm finally getting my life together and he is too and I just dont want anything to go wrong.
May 30, 2013 1:16 PM
Yep...completely normal. I'd been with my boyfriend (now husband) less than a year before we moved in together. Thing is, we knew we wanted to see how we got along under the same roof (sleepovers aren't the same) because we wanted to see if it would work long-term. Turned out that it did. We've been living together for four years, married almost three.

Advice--always have enough room in your place to have a little corned to yourself. It's not always sunshine and rainbows living with someone, so it's nice to have a release (fitness center, library nearby, second bedroom/reading nook). Don't go to bed angry (no one ends up sleeping). And know that you're both taking a chance on each other--that's a beautiful thing. :)

It's great that you have your mom's support--that's really important. Also good to be realistic and know that if things don't work out, it's not the end of the world. Pick yourself up, dust off, and keep increasing your confidence. Best wishes on you and the beau's new place!
  7342693
May 30, 2013 1:19 PM
I think it is normal

I can not recommend this one piece of advice more:

BE COOL! ex. treat eachother with respect, if he doesn't do the dishes a couple times but does them later, don't bring it back up. Respect his private things still, even though they are under your shared roof, respect eachothers personal time.
May 30, 2013 1:20 PM
Who's going to be the first to fart in front of each other? You or him?
May 30, 2013 1:21 PM
Don't get a joint bank account - it all gets screwy when you break up and need to get rid of it!


My advice
May 30, 2013 1:25 PM
Keep your money separate and keep your lines of communication open. Fart in front of each other.
May 30, 2013 1:28 PM
It's easy to be nervous, I moved in with my husband when I was 20 and it was my first time from home.

Just ensure that you have somewhere that can be called your own space as you do not want to live on top of each other. If you can't catch a break sometimes, you'll end up arguing and being in such close quarters all the time can drive you nuts xx

I agree with what has been said, don't have a joint bank account as it gets problematic. I have been married over four years and have never felt the need.
  24931377
May 30, 2013 1:31 PM
Don't drop not-so-subtle hints every birthday, christmas, kwanzaa, flag day, valentines day, D Day, labor day, cinco de mayo, memorial day, earth day, groundhog day, halloween, leif erikson day, rosh hashana, guy fawkes day, and yom kippur about an engagement ring. If he is ready he will propose.

Separate bank accounts.

Make sure he has a job first.

Never rent-to-own furniture or appliances. Use milk crates if you have to.

Make sure you don't move next door to 1ConcreteGirl... or Urkel... or just_fur_luck.

Steer clear of the midwest. They get a little uptight when black women start stealing all their white men.
Edited by mojohowitz On May 30, 2013 1:54 PM
  981592
May 30, 2013 1:32 PM
QUOTE:

You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.

You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.

"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.


I have to agree. Is there any way you can ask your mother to move in with the two of you?

This way she can make sure you two don't consummate before marriage?
May 30, 2013 1:38 PM
It will be fine.
Has your Mother explained your role?
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, getting your man a beer?
May 30, 2013 1:39 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.

You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.

"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.


I have to agree. Is there any way you can ask your mother to move in with the two of you?

This way she can make sure you two don't consummate before marriage?


Oh wow! I was all for this because I was under the impression her mother WAS moving in with them. That was my understanding from reading the OP. If I misunderstood then I have to join the voices of those saying this is a mistake. Until you have promised yourselves to each other before God and witnesses with vows never to part then any pleasures of the flesh should not be occurring and I just believe the temptation will be too strong if you are unsupervised under the same roof.

Think about it: is a few moments of carnal pleasure worth eternal hellfire?
May 30, 2013 1:42 PM
QUOTE:

Who's going to be the first to fart in front of each other? You or him?


NO NO NO - no farting in front of your significant other. Burping is bad too. My advice (before I saw that post) was exactly this: do not get too comfortable that you scratch inappropriate stuff or fart in front of him. lol
  25040222
May 30, 2013 1:43 PM
QUOTE:

You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.

You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.

"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.


pretty sure God said save judgment for Him. tongue
  25040222
May 30, 2013 1:46 PM
R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Have you split up the chores yet? Do you agree on how often they happen? Have you agreed to let each person do their chores their way? I do laundry, but my man likes his clothes folded a certain way, so he folds his own clothes. I am ok with him not getting to the bathrooms every single week.

Have you figured out the finances? I agree with the previous poster about not having joint bank accounts. If you do open one, it should only be for shared expenses with enough of a buffer to avoid fees and overdrafts. Keep your paychecks and your savings in separate accounts. How are you splitting rent? Utilities? Decor? Groceries? Is the division 50/50 or proportional to income?

Have you discussed etiquette for coming home at night? Do you need to let each other know if you are working late or if you are staying out past a certain time? If you discuss this before the fact, it is clearly just setting expectations; if you wait until one of you is pissed off, it will feel like a control issue.

These may seem mundane, but they are the most common stress points in otherwise healthy relationships.

On a legal note: do you live in a state that recognizes common law marriages? You should both be aware of how this might affect your rights and responsibilities down the road.

ETA: I am in the go ahead and fart camp. He needs to know you are human. It will come in handy when he is disappointed in you for some reason or other down the line.
Edited by concordancia On May 30, 2013 1:49 PM
  6560859
May 30, 2013 1:47 PM
divvy up chores. i discovered i hate a dirty bathroom, my BF hates a dirty kitchen. less fighting when we know who is supposed to clean what.

be upfront with him, don't be coy saying "oh it would be nice if someone could help me with dinner!" just ask "hey can you help me with this?"

and earplugs. my bf loves to play video games late into the night and i'm an early bird. his shouts of joy or despair would wake me up and piss me off.
  17571471
May 30, 2013 1:47 PM
My two pieces of advice:

1) After you guys have a fight, try to do something nice for him right afterwards (or shortly there after). It lets him know, "Hey Im mad, But we are still good."

2) Crap with the door closed.
May 30, 2013 1:47 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

Who's going to be the first to fart in front of each other? You or him?


NO NO NO - no farting in front of your significant other. Burping is bad too. My advice (before I saw that post) was exactly this: do not get too comfortable that you scratch inappropriate stuff or fart in front of him. lol


looks like dropping a ploppy in the commode with the door open is off the table
  24020126
May 30, 2013 1:48 PM
I have learned one rule from house shares and living with significant others -

Never move in with someone messier than you.
  32611386
May 30, 2013 1:48 PM
QUOTE:

You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.

You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.

"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.


Agreed! check out statistics on Divorce rates among people who live together first. They are much higher. If he doesnt care enough to marry you then you are setting you up for heart break.
May 30, 2013 1:50 PM
QUOTE:



Steer clear of the midwest. They get a little uptight when black women start stealing all their white men.


Haha, the same way I feel on the reverse side, living in Atlanta. :) lol
  7462478
May 30, 2013 1:50 PM
Whatever you do, do not fart, burp, poop, or pee with him in the apartment. He WILL stop loving you.
May 30, 2013 1:50 PM
QUOTE:

QUOTE:

You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.

You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.

"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.


pretty sure God said save judgment for Him. tongue


God also said "I ain't passing the damned remote!"

I've heard that God gets misquoted once in a while.
  39542945
May 30, 2013 1:50 PM
pretty sure he didn't say that. Please show me where he says that.
May 30, 2013 1:51 PM
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  981592
May 30, 2013 1:51 PM
Everything thing that he does will eventually annoy you, even though you love him to bits.


1) leaving dishes with scraps of breakfast cereal in the sink (so its super hard to wash!)
2) leaving washing on the floor, even though there is a wash basket RIGHT FRICKIN THERE!!
3) his hobby(s) take up entire household, whilst yours are shoved in a corner, and the moment you dare to leave your yoga ball out your 'taking up the whole house'
4) its like having a 3rd child, although this child you get to do more adult fun things with.


Ill leave my list there, i love my hubby to the end of the world an back, with or without the annoying traits :D
  35897370

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