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Sometimes, I do mind!

“Do you mind…?” These three little words often make me feel uncomfortable. I have been raised to be polite and kind to others -and I am- but sometimes I feel that this question it’s used to take advantage of me, and I don’t like that. “Do you mind….” seems to bring the worst out of me lately. What has gotten into me?

“Do you mind if I call you by your first name?”

“Yes, I do mind,” I told the stranger on the phone and it made me feel a little bit uneasy, and I was wondering what he was typing into his computer. Nevertheless, he called me by my last name and we continued to talk on a more professional level. It took only half of the usual time until he agreed to credit us the money back, that his company shouldn't have charged us in the first place. Phew!

Answering truthfully had felt good, but it also had left me feeling guilty. Gosh, what has menopause and weight loss turned me into?

From there it got easier. “Do you mind if I put you on hold?”

“Yes, I do mind,” I answered and sounded more confident than I felt. There was silence on the other end. “Excuse me,” she acted like she didn’t understand and I explained to here that I didn't like to spend my day on a holding line. The tone of her voice changed, she was almost unfriendly, when we continued the conversation but again, she treated me more professional and again...we got our money back.

I enjoyed my new found freedom from the DO-YOU-MIND-LIE until I checked out in the grocery store. I had between 6-10 items in my cart when the lady behind me, who had the same amount of items, asked me:

“Do you mind if I cut in and check out really quickly?”  

My normal response would have been, “Sure, go ahead,” while rolling my eyes inside. (They always pick me to cut in line. Why is that?) But I was in a hurry myself. I had the dogs in the car and to make things worse, I had to go to the ladies room -quite urgently- so I decided to be truthful. 

“Sorry, I am in a hurry myself,” and it wasn’t a lie because if I have to go, I have to go and I prefer to be in my own home.

She looked at me in disbelieve, like I would be the rudest person on this planet. It made me feel like dirt and a couple of minutes later I left the store quietly, and I rushed back to my car. 

What is wrong with me? What am I trying to prove to myself? Why don’t I just continue to say, “No, I don’t mind,” and curse inside -like I did before? I have been such an easy pushover, where is this rebellion coming from?

I am not sure, but I assume my new lifestyle is changing who I am inside as well as outside. I have a new found awareness, not just of food but also myself. 

Perhaps saying NO allows me to say YES to myself more often? Does this even make sense? 

I was afraid I would turn into a rude and unfriendly person, until yesterday, when a gentleman asked me. “Do you mind…?”

I didn’t mind, I didn’t mind at all. I dropped everything I was doing and helped a stranger in need. I still love to help people out whenever I can. I guess I just decided not to be an easy pushover anymore.

I think with every pound I am losing, I am setting myself free! Every time I say firmly NO to a silly craving or an old, unhealthy eating habit. I say YES to ME.

73 lbs lost - Only 67 lbs to go! Nothing gained last week. I had fun at two Christmas parties. I indulged a bit without going overboard. It feels good!

 

 selbstbestimmt leben, selbstbewusstsein, kopp-wichmann, persoenlichkeits-blog,

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27 commenta:

jaja76 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
I love the entry today because for years I have done the same. Last month I told someone "NO" and it felt so right and I didn't feel guilty for it.
Hoppymom ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
I thiknk that it is a sign that you are done putting yourself last. So often as we raise kids and make a life with our spouses we put everyone ahead (inclduing the boss and total strangers.) This is not good for us. I sometimes wonder if that isn't some of the reason that weight goes on. Good for you in not giving in to everyone else. You do matter. Your need to go to the bathroom and get home with your dogs should be important. Your willingness to set yourself aside later in the day shows that you do care about others and will put others before yourself. I'd be concerned if you put someone with a crying child and one item like diapers or formula in behind you. But that's not what you did. Kepp being awesome!
angelasteele82 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Oh how I love this!! I myself am a push over and have a really hard time saying no, or even saying what is on my mind for that matter. Kudos to you!!!
Gardengal1222 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
I can relate to this.....thank you!
musicsax ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Could it be down to increased confidence in your self? I found that as I lost weight I became more confident and not so prone to wanting to fade into the back ground. Well done on maintaining the loss, you're doing a great job.
mysteps2beauty ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
How you say it sometimes mean more than what's said. Do you mind? I'm sorry, yes I do.

That said, I find as one gets older, the tolerance level for *kitten lowers. Ever wonder why old people are so crochety? They don't have a lot of time for anything let along parsing fake words like "do you mind."

Also, women are finding their voices even more. I guess you are finally finding yours, and I bet it feels damn good.
Adc7225 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
It's funny how losing weight we seem to become more relevant. So yes we can mind :-) Great Post!!!
pizzafruit ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Loving every word!!
texteach66 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Beautiful! You are quite amazing.
janelleu1 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
The quote goes...'love your neighbor as yourself'. Translation:love yourself so you know how to love others
joanthemom8 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
We are alot alike in this.... I always let people go ahead of me and almost always regret it. They end up have some problem or issue that takes really long. I'm also a "I'm sorry" person and it drives my husband crazy. I say it all the time for things that have nothing to do with me or it's even the other person's fault.


ShiningLion ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Thanks for this post. I often feel like a pushover myself, and I hate being stared at like I just stepped on someone's foot when I prioritize myself and answer honestly instead of giving the answer that is expected/wanted. I really hate questions that aren't really questions, and "Do you mind?" seems to have become one of them. I have trouble understanding how there are people who feel no shame/guilt in putting themselves first constantly and asking others to make sacrifices for them, yet making the rest of us feel guilty when we put ourselves first occasionally. It hurts to think about.
smallsteps2success ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
It makes perfect sense. =) Way to go!
oharras ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
What a great post....I do understand and went through the same transformation of being able to say NO. I, too, felt guilty "standing my ground", but as time passed it became easier and easier. That was about 20 years ago and today I do not wince when I say NO, it has become my favorite word. You are making changes and many will enter your life and make you a more experienced and wise person. You will use your taught morals to guide you to do the right things. Congratulations to you and all who set themselves free from being "yes" people.....
RCR63 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Just what I needed to hear.
Tenacity149 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
I love this post! I have trouble saying "NO" - especially to my children (who are all adults) and I have been learning to be more truthful with them (and myself) about what I am willing to do, instead of always saying yes and then being unhappy on the inside.
brightresolve ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
You are a rock star. Thank you for sharing your journey.

There is a freedom that we can choose: to say what we mean and mean what we say, and that makes us direct, reliable and safe people to ourselves and to others.

Keep writing, it means so much!
LisaPrust ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
This is AWESOME! We have to be able to say no to some things so we can say yes to others. For so long we've said no to ourselves-and said yes to everyone else and heaped up the resentment as well. But no more! We are getting free my sistah!
Slay_each_day ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Had this happen to me a few weeks ago. I had a cat at home that was incredibly sick. Went to Walgreens to pick up some medical supplies for my fur baby. I was at the register waiting in line, and a lady comes up behind me and acts like her having to wait for me to ring up my items was going to kill her. She huffed and puffed until I left. Do people not understand that we all have a turn? I don't understand why people feel so entitled. I guess it's because my mom taught me manners.
Hearts_2015 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Sounds like you're standing up for yourself!!💗 I love it!! It's never comfortable at first, in fact it feels foreign. You did it, gave yourself permission to make a choice! :O) I'm so proud of you, you're learning so much Hon. You're like a book that I love reading each time you share a bit more about your journey and discoveries. Refreshes where I'm at in life and on my journey here. Brings back the excitement and reminds me to look more closely at the little things that can matter even more than the big things! 💗 Thank You!
Sharon_C ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
I adopted this philosophy a few years ago--especially when it comes to family. I realized my stress level was through the roof because I was always dropping whatever I was doing to help someone in the family. Or doing things I didn't really want to do. So I started saying no. And it was empowering and you know what? People didn't seem to mind that I said no. They just shrugged and figured it out themselves, or went to the store themselves.

My time is just as worthy as theirs and by saying "no" I'm giving back to myself.
PAnn1 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
New found confidence does this for us (not TO us, but as I said, FOR us). You hurt no one for saying "no", or "yes, I do mind".
The general consensus here is that all, or most of us, are giver inners for the most part. Sometimes that's a good thing. Other times, like the vendors on the phone (or at the door), or people (family and friends) who Always ask for "favors"..We all need to just sort thru the rubble.
(Oh and by the way...yup, menopause can actually help us to say "no", Ha, ha, ha!!
MiloBloom83 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
What kind of rude asshole asks to cut in line? If i see you behind me with only a couple of things, I may make that overture to you, but to ask suggests to me that somehow, you consider yourself superior to me, and you're not. So you can wait.
Someone asks me to cut, and they're getting a death stare.
Dootzy1 ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Yay for you!! You are being your own advocate, and part of it is taking control of your health!!


willnevergiveup ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
Good for you! Every year I chose a word to focus on and my word for 2018 is fierce. Does that sound horrible? It really isn't. I define fierce as powerful, intense, strong, protective not rude, mean or aggressive. As for the people in grocery lines, I've actually had a woman step in front of me and begin putting her items out without saying anything. Had I suddenly become invisible? When I very nicely quietly pointed out to her that the line was behind me, she glared at me but did remove her items.
TrishasTime ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
I seems that you are finding you and making sure you are important instead of being left behind. Well done
IntotheLabyrinth ha scritto 2 mesi fa:
You are coming into your power. Congrats!

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