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The I-Didn't_Workout Awesome Workout (Pictures)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, which means I had time to go to the gym. I got up. Repeated R's words about laziness to myself, put on my gym threads, grabbd my bag and walked outside. The smell of seawater and the street lights all still lit like golden fireflies in the pre-dawn... how on earth could I shut myself up in the gym when I was just thinking about Laziness being a Cage made of Nothing Valuable and how I did not like being caged... whether its a room with no windows or a possessive date. Eff the gym, Im spreading my wings and going for a run. There's no scale anymore anyway!

I ran a 5K to the park and then there was no more running. I walked for miles for hours. I took pictures along the coast and chased around the seagulls and watched the barges and the yachts and the cruiseships and the ferries zipping around in the NY Harbor. I just breeeeeeeeeeeathed.

and I finally got into my goal jeans that I got in the summer of 10 -super squee-

Day 894: Motivation for the Rest of March

Monday, March 19, 2012


To Do List!

Creative Spaces!

1. Clean under your bed
2. Dust & mop bedroom
3. Create FROLIC wall
4. Organize writing desk

Fashion Responisbilities!

1. Hang up fancy clothes
2. Empty bottom two drawers for pjs and undies and socks
3. Move dresser
4. Organize vanity
5. Clean girls bathroom
6. Figure out outfit for Ghosts of Eden Gramercy chaos

Body Changes!

1. Reach 40 fitness hours by Sunday
2. Do a pilates DVD
3. Do a night run
4. Do a morning run
5. 5 gym visits
6. re-measure
7. Bump up weights on all machine by 10 pounds by April 1

Social Terrors:

1. Ghosts of Eden Gramercy chaos on Saturday


10. Clean livingroom cubbyhole

The Truth

The truth is that since I rejoined a gym and Jen became a real and consistent workout partner, I HAVE seen changes that I cannot deny. The truth is that actually embracing weight-circuit training and merging that cardio burn with strength training is the first major thing that has changed my progress since starting ST, and before that- running, and before that- Pilates.

The truth is, lately, the weight machines in their ongoing circle, feel more cathartic to me than running usually does. The truth is, my muscles and I are getting along exceptionally well- spending all our free time together, picking on the fat, flexing in reflective surfaces, competing against each other, high fiving like crazy. Its a total love affair that I go through from time to time- and I dont know why it fades, being that its the least toxic relationship Ive ever been part of.

The truth is, the healthy state of my personal motivation results from a few select factors in a specific order. Here is how I build my motivational momentum as quickly as possible.


1. Realise I still want to progress.
2. Do the tiniest most pathetic half-assed excuse for a workout.
3. Take a bath, sit on my bed for the rest of the day.
4. Eat a healthy dinner.


1. I worked out yesterday! Yay! Proud of self!
2. Do 3/4-assed semi-respectable short workout.
3. Eat a healthy lunch
4. Eat a healthy dinner
5. Skip the stupid junk snack


1. Decide to take a rest day.
2. Eat perfect all day and drink an extra bottle of water.
3. Swap out my book for a health magazine for commute reading
4. Spend the evening in my bedroom naked- no matter what Im doing in there.
5. Pamper my skin and wash my workout clothes.


1. Consistency is starting to happen! Im so proud of me!
2. Head to gym and kick ass for an hour and a half
3. Reward self with a tan
4. Eat pretty dinner
5. Decide to go for a second workout- a low impact cardio- long walk after dinner- enjoying the twilight and the sounds of Brooklyn


1. Hit the gym again for another hour
2. Eat a sort of healthy dinner


1. Skip the gym and do a home workout- so I feel like Im allowing myself to be lazy- even though Ive workouted my entire body on the livingroom floor.
2. Measure my PR's- how long can I hold a plank, how maqny pushups can i do in a set, how many crunches can I do in 5 minutes, etc
3. Add up the amount of time I worked out so far in the week. Round up to the next number I like and decide to reach it the next day.


1. Meet at least the number I rounded up to- beat it if I want to feel awesome going into the next week
2. Pamper skin and hair and clean up room and wash workout clothes and clean out gym bag.




Cause the truth is, what motivates me is something I understand clearly.

emoticon CONSISTENCY motivates me because:

1. it shows I can stick to something even if I keep quitting- i CAN go back
2. I hate to seeeeeee my pattern and break it for no good reason
3. If i can see how long Ive been working toward something regularly- then I KNOW that results will be around the corner soon.
4. IMPATIENCE is a motivation KILLER

emoticon BALANCE motivates me because

1. If I dont schedule in days off or breaks, I go overboard and burn out and that is working against myself. Its a sick form of salf-sabotage- to go so hard for so long that you kill your own momentum with frustration
2. My life is too full of obligations, plans and mandatory spontaneous demands on my presence to be able to say - I WILL GO TO THE GYM 19 TIMES THIS WEEK COME HELL OR HIGHWATER! Instead- if I allow myself to take days off to handle other parts of my life- then I dont get that guilt about the dishes when Im running, or about the state of my room when I poof to the gym. And if I dont, and everything backs up- then Im cleaning the dishes and my room feeling guilty about the gym....
3. GUILT is not conducive to staying motivated.

emoticon PRIDE. Pride is magic and I can't explain it- but you all know that achieving or accomplishing something you weren't sure you could do (like 48 fitness hours in a month) is FREAKING MAGIC. Dont deny it - you know Im right

emoticon QUALITY TIME WITH MY SELF motivates me because losing weight and getting healthy requires that you deal with your personal issues before you have nothing to hide behind anymore. I need time to grow comfortable in my own skin, love it, pamper it, appreciate what is good about myself. I HAVE to always make a point to do this each week because - when you reach goal weight- you are not handed self-esteem and rocking body confidence as a prize. You have to go get them your damn self along the way- or you'll be standing there at the end with a kickass body and a serious identity crisis when the world treats you differently.


1. Competing with myself allows me to see tiny bits of progress in my determination, motivation and abilities. Beating my plank PR? pride & a self esteem boost. Beating my 10 mile time? Motivation to try again next week. Went to the gym 4 times last week? Let's make it 6 this time.
2. Takes the pressure off reaching the final results when I get little wins constantly.


1. If my gym clothes are dirty, my workout space in my room is cluttered, I have a million chores to do and things to handle... guess who isnt working out. Excuses galore.

emoticon PROGRESS - in any way, shape, form, area of my life or from any source... will keep me going for an untold length of time. But I cannot get progress without the rest of these things.

I KNOW this about myself. And thankfully, starting over every 9 days is an option- one that I can make consistently work for me.

I am going to Los Angeles for the first time in my life next month, to see my cousins for the first time since 1989. I have some SERIOUS shows coming up. Summer is around the corner, and Im going to have some SERIOUS skin coming out.

Im in the halfway point for Phase One of my "Makeover of Metal Proportions" and Im determined for this to be a real makeover, so Im not going to let it fall away to the side.

Im at 35/48 hours for this month and if I can reach 48- well- there's that magic PRIDE factor, amiright?


Ok bri! I know you're motivated- but its easier to STAY motivated than it is to GET motivated... in fact- amping your motivation is actually FUN. Its like shopping for an outfit to go shopping in... WAY EASY.

People always think- Well I thought I was motivated- but I was only motivated to work out once or twice, then it fell apart. Your motivation is a muscle- you have to increase its stamina, endurance, strength and power or yeah- its weak ass is gonna fail at the wrongest moment ever. You dont bathe and expect to stay clean all week, dont motivate yourself on Monday and expect it to carry you to Saturday. Chances are- you're setting yourself up to fail.

What is your magic trick to rebuilding or reviving a crumbled motivation system?

(PhotoBlog) What Ive been up to

Monday, March 19, 2012

besides averaging 1:50 of exercise per day this month trying to reach the serious challenge of reaching 48:00 hours of dedicated fitness minutes? (13 hours and change to go! gonna make it! woot! woot!)


Here's some catch-up time in pictures, which is how I remember life anyway... one snapshot at a time:

experimenting with fun new foods and dishes...

playing outside and going back and forth all day on the Coney Island Boardwalk

My hometown got washed away (pic from KATC TV3)

graffiti walks

Kisses under the Empire State Building - with its head in the clouds as they fall to earth- sigh - how whimsical

Bad pic- but hey- it was with my phone and the music was AMAZING! TAI got to open for exist†trace !!!! Hiro ballroom is so amazing and beautiful, kills us that it is closing next month :(

^ the second tower of the new World Trade Center is now visisble- and look how the Empire State Building is dwarfed!!!

and Im still taking pictures of the skyline in the mornings :)

spending lots of time with the band, everyone seems to be in hyper creative mode still- for all of 2012- its GREAT to feel so busy with stuff you love.

being in love with Union Square on the regs

hanging out with Joshua and Peter, busking at twilight in Union Square Park

^ the only thing getting me through this week

My Belated Epiphany of Idiotic Proportions

All along I have been doing very well at visualizing where I want to be. Picturing the athlete inside of me and getting lost in my imagination with her and all the adventures we will (do) have.

In the beginning, I had to concentrate on small things, like how long can I run without stopping- in terms of one telephone pole to the next. Or how often I could choose water over a Dr Pepper. Or making myself go to bed every day. Concentrating on making those small changes led to real results. As those little changes became natural, i made other little changes and so on and so forth- each small set of changes building on the last, adding up to results.

Sometimes I start to lose balance and concentrate too much on getting results and dont put enough emphasis on the changes.

If I focus on results, I will get frustrated. If I focus on change, I will get results.

Everyone say it with me now....


SO... I have been KILLIN it with the fitness minutes this month man. WHOOOOOOie iYiYi

I made a bet with someone on here that we could all nail 48 hours dedicated fitness in March, meaning I would have to LOG EVERY MINUTE which I usually don't. I mean, I usually dont log two or three miles here and there- but this month- if my walk is more than 1 mile and Im in sneakers, I log it. Its cardio, low - impact, but cardio. 15 minutes.. still cardio.

Im at 13 hours already, 35 hours to go. *fist pump* THIS feels like a real challenge. And I love that most of my minutes are from walking to the gym (4.5 miles) or from circuit training. And my weights have steadily increased *fistpump*

Speaking of circuit training and weights, I KILLED IT at the gym last night. At first I was disappointed because it was so PACKED that there were 3 times where I had to wait almost ten minutes to find ANY machine and I didnt like.. get super sweaty and shiny and feel like Im dying.

BUT I worked every body group last night. (Except my calves)- and I did my sets niiiiiiice and slow. You can bet your ass that I was engaging mine in those 50 squats with 100 pounds. All I was thinking was 1..... 2...... Build... An.... Ass....From.... Scratch.... and then on the lat pull down machine later, when I bumped up from 50 to 70, instead of just pulling down with my arms, I was contracting the muscles in my back, I was lost in the pure ZEN of working my body slowly and feeling the machine inside me. It was awesome. I felt so strong- though Im sure my weights probably aren't as heavy as most people in here that get their ST on.

SO I didn't have that drenched in cardio sweat :( but I worked every muscle group to fatigue, not counting my reps til they started to hurt. Then pushing through. Knowing I would feel it today.

If my body was my spirit's pet, then it would be one hell of a spoiled little maltese this week, let me tell you. Ive been low-grade social all week- spending oodles of quality time with Jen (quality time meaning, drinking ourselves into oblivion at the Irish Haven until 7 am, going for 7K walks to Barnes and Noble on Sundays, curling up for stretching/active rest days with movie marathons and skin pampering, treating my hair to make sure its crazy whiteness doesnt go all brassy and brittle, taking excellent care of my face and skin and nails, bubbles baths, lots and lots of walks... just PAMPERED. Beautiful amazing healthy food, fasting without guilt, seeing lots of new neighborhoods and learning my way around new areas in Brooklyn, just GREAT.

I love that while I work out, my body is making healthy drugs that keep me happy for long periods of time. We're a pretty good team.

So... speaking of changs- here is my FLustered Rockluster Challenge Updates for 5 weeks into my program.

I finally actually divided up my two wardrobes. Part of the hell of being in a 7-8 pound plateau is that that up and down rollercoaster you live in- means you wear two different sizes for everything. Too many clothes everywhere. I bagged up all the 9/10s and I bagged up all the 7/8s and tonight Im not going to do anything with them probably- but they are all ready to wash and prune down for donation.

Ive also been looking at lots of found items in my basement to start builing some kind of closet system for my bedroom, and its fine if it means that my clothes are out in the open instead of in a dark hole- hell my pretty concert dresses and such are adorable- they would probably look like part of the decor of my crazy ass bedroom anyway.

I also have this little strapless black and silver slip of fabric that I have to wear in public at the Highline Ballroom on 6/29 (Can you HEAR my goal outfit smirk?) for TAI's first self-produced headlining show /possibly also video release event.

780 dedicated fitness minutes for the month of March so far plus any extracurricular walking that I do each day- which adds up to probably an extra 10-12 miles a week. Been hitting the gym consistently, despite seriously effing up my calves at the very start of the month! Ive lost two belt holes and my non-stretchy jeans are all looser.

Ive also been tanning, spending as much time as possible in the sunshine, dyed my roots, treated my hair and skin, had a facial, did a homemade hair and body wrap and sugar salt scrub. I did break all my nails this week though :-/

Trying out 16 hour fasting and it seems to agree whole heartedly with me so I think I will start doing this 2 times a week. I fel so alert and on fire at work when I didnt eat.

I was recently officially added to the Musician's Rock Network.
I renovated the writing area in my bedroom.
I completely overhauled the beginning of my book and how I introduce the world to my readers and pumped out THREE CHAPTERS last night.
Ive been slowly organizing my bedroom from one side to the other over the last two weeks.
I started redoing the angel wings on my headboard wall.
Im shooting an entirely different scene of bands next week O_o

Been spending lots of quiet time with Joshua, which has been a blessing. Getting lost in music and ideas. Also movie time with Jen- so its been quiet socially... at least since Friday lol.

This weekend however, Jen and I are taking the train down to Seaside. Yup... the Jersey Shore. Karma, Aztec, Jenks all that business, for the Seaside Annual St Patty's Day Parades! Which starts at about 10 am and runs through the nigh- we are meeting up with SweetVee out there and crashing for the weekend.

Tomorrow I have n work cause its a Jew Day at the office, so Im gonna see if I can tim myself for a half marathon tomorrow, just for shts and giggles. I'll have to walk a lot of it cause Im working out my calves still and they are tender, but I will listen to my body and if I can do it - I can, if not... well then frak for the MTA.

Here's some thoughts for the rest of your day ;)

Now... off to focus on change emoticon


What I Did To My Body When I Was 21

I ruined my metabolism and made it difficult to keep my body young, healthy and awesome when I was in my thirties.

After my car accident, I went from an extremely active runner's lifestyle, to someone immobile on the couch in a deep depression. In a week. My bottle blonde hair immediately replaced by my normal dark auburn. Suddenly wearing glasses. Instead of backless halters and denim minis, I was in old stained sweatshirts and my grannypannies. One week. Battered, broken, in an extremely uncomfortable living situation in my parents' home (because I'd moved out 4 years earlier and was estranged from my parents by decree of my then religion) and my fiance didnt even recognise me. Obviously not just because of my bruised up face and the bloody patch above my left eye where the windshield had scalped me, including somehow razing off my eyelashes without taking my eye, and leaving chunks of glass embedded in my eyelid, brownbone and one tiny piece in my forehead.

Not just because my hip was torn out of socket and my sciatic tendon was twisted and smashed. Not just because of my ankle, which I'd broken when I somehow subconsciously tried to slam my foot through the floorboards trying to brake, even though I was a passenger and dont remember doing that. Not just because an 18wheeler and my parent's conditions had completely changed my appearance.

It was because all the light had gone out of me. I was sad that I hadn't died. I found myself sobbing every night, wishing we'd hit a couple feet to the left and it would have been painlessly quickly over. I didnt remember the impact at all, so I convinced myself it would have been quick. Cause the accident had been so quick. To this day I dont remember the impact. I dont remember them cutting me out of the car. I remember a brief moment in the ambulance, waking up and seeing the paramedics over me, asking me my address. I couldnt remember it and freaked the hell out and then black again. Til I woke up in the hospital crying hysterically.

So close. After my entire world had fallen apart, and I only knew one person on the entire planet Earth and things could never get any worse- Id been homeless, I'd been rich, I'd traveled back and forth roadtripping across America. Id lived in Jackson and Phoenix and so many beautiful amazing places. I was a brat fighting a righteous war, who found herself in exile with nothing to be proud of except that once upon a time, she'd stood up for something. I took a stand, and lost everything, but I still held my head high, though there was nothing else that good about me, because it was the only way I knew how to survive.

But it was so hard. And so lonely- to be in the world with the rest of humanity, for the first time, at age 20. And only know one person. Who barely recognizes you anymore. And not be able to move. No running. No driving. Just pain, and a dark gloomy livingroom.  I wished I'd died.

All of that happened to me, but this is what I DID to my body.  Because I was so used to living an active lifestyle and was now beyond sedentary, my apetite just left. My daily diet pretty much consisted of a pack of Ramen noodles and a 50cent bag of cheetohs and a Dr Pepper.  That's it. For the whole day. Maybe spaghetti on Fridays.

Flash forward 6 months. Im working the night shift at a hotel, because I can sit the whole time and Im still in physical therapy for my hip. My fiance and I are living together in a tiny apartment in my home town in Louisiana. No more adventures. Im 200 pounds at this point. My eating habits havent changed. Im not burning any calories anyway. I buy frozen vegetables on occasion. Maybe a dozen eggs and tortillas and cheddar cheese. Maaaaaaaaaaaybe a chicken breast or two once or twice a month. Rice-a-roni. Between my diet and my night shift job, Im tired all the time. No more laughing girl in the club. Dull eyed and tired and going through the motions of life. Get up, go to work, come home, eat, bathe, sleep. Fiance and I are no longer even dating.  We're roommates. Separate bedrooms.
Nothing changes.

Fast forward a year. 22 years old. Diet still hasnt changed. Im now about 260 pounds. I look 40. I guess my body held on to every calorie I gave it cause I gave it so little, and what I gave it- was empty.

Fast forward 10 years. That would put us at March 6, 2012. Next week- now/ whatever. After waking up one day while out on a sailboat by crazy happenchance- I'd turned my life around and decided that since no one on Earth knew me, I could truly embrace the idea of creating yourself. Whoever I most wanted to be, I could now be. No one would know the old brat with all her sins and selfishness and stubbornness, or the reason she became that way- public speaking since the age of nine, the ministerial prodigy of the JW dream team duo. Too smart for her own good. Too well known to ever have privacy... or get away with anything. Too recognizeable, too memorable, blah blah not me. Not who I wanted to be. Id almost died. I wasnt even supposed to be here. I felt like patient X. No one to give witness to my life prior to the start of the new milennium. I embraced it and decided to become myself.

My experiences left me hypersensitive, closed off, isolated, scared of the big bad world Id been warned of... and every day I worked hard to removes those dark edges of my personality. I wanted my light back.  And I wanted my adventures back. And I wanted my young body back. Id looked down at my 260 pound self and said no more. I was able to not gain weight for about 4 years. Which made me happy as I was dealing with integrating myself into regular life out here. I had a new fiance. I had met Jen, who is now the oldest reference of my existence on Earth. And why I consider her to be my family.

After learning to maintain my weight by, gasp eating more, and going for walks at night... I wasnt getting better- I just wasant getting worse. That wasn't enough. I went out and bought Rael Pilates System 7 and got to work. I felt taller and I felt stronger and I lost 20 pounds.

Walking got to be easier and I started walking more and more and more, mostly because I was never planning on driving again until it was mostly because I wanted to lose weight. I dropped another 20. I broke into a jog one morning on St Mary street in Lafayette La and I cried the whole time. I made it from one light post to the next.

Eventually I got up to a mile of jogging and walking in the mornings. I bought myself an iPod. I started cooking more. It was a struggle to get myself to eat 700 calories a day.

Then I went to England. At 198 pounds. With all my light back.

Then I moved to NYC and went through hell and its stepsisters and gained 20 back until I caught myself and shut the hell up and joined spark people.

March 2, 2012.

Struggling with losing weight the right and proper way now for 20 months, not being able to lose anymore weight. Making sure I do my best to eat 1500 calories a day. Succeeding 4/7 days. Hitting 1000-1200 a day on the others. Working out 5-6 days a week. Walking upwards of 20 miles a week when im NOT exercising. Banging my head against the wall trying to get what I want and knowing why I cant have it.

My metabolism.  Because in those dark days after the wreck, I screwed my metabolism. It slowed down to keep me healthy enough to survive. I taught it how to survive, not how to thrive. I forgive myself because I know why I did it.

But now it seems as though, because I know my body, the only way I can lose weight is when I have the weeks where I eat the way I want to. Because NOW, NOW I eat amazingly healthy. I have even consistent servings each week of fish, nuts, grains, 6-8 servings of FRESH freggies a day- sometimes more, organic meat and eggs, cheese from farmers markets.  Even eating out in Brooklyn is so simple to stay healthy. In louisiana, fast food was burger king or taco bell.  Here its halal lamb over jasmine rice with lettuce and tomatoes - or at Original Pizza- its the caesar salad slice- a whole meal all its own and full of good stuff, or vegetable soup dumplings and steamed veggies. I eat really beautifully.

The way I want to eat, what works for me to lose weight- is something people usually freak the heck out about.

The way I want to eat- is to eat beautifully as I do, 5.5 days a week. And not eat on the other day and a half. A beautiful healthy breakfast with all the stuff you are supposed to eat- and then don't eat until day after tomorrow. I drink green tea, I drink coffee with milk, I drink tons and tons of water.

But I dont do it cause everyone says that fasting is terribble for you blac\h blah blah- but lately Ive been thinking.  Instead of forcing myself to eat every day all day when Im not hungry and dont want to but need to get a certain number of calories, why dont I pay attention to my own metabolism and what my body is always telling me. Im not hungry and although most people's metabolisms require it of them, I have to remember that I severely damaged mine. So if my body tells me, look- Im still working on the stuff from yesterday, how about you rinse me out and drink water all day and eat a cucumber cause I dont move as fast as you want me to... Maybe I should start listening.

Its a better alternative to forcefeeding myself everyday so that I resort to junk food on weekends just to get my count up. It would be easier for me to make my calories on the other days if I allow myself to fast when I want to, without guilt. I mean, I eat so good the rest of the time...

Everytime it seems my body wants this and I give it to her, it has positive happy clean healthy results. Everytime I deny this request because of what the internet and everyone tells me, it has fudge rounds.

 But I run half marathons, now and go off on 8 mile runs for the pure enjoyment of it. I kick butt in the weight room and on the floor. I go on the bouldering walls, I can box and rollerblade and ski and swim and play and hike and....

So because I didn't listen to my body when I was 21 and I destroyed her, I have to listen better now.

And I do forgive myself for it, of course, I just hope there are no 21 year olds out there living on 400 calories a day.  because if you are, Im scared it will be harder for you to figure out how to have and keep the body you want when you are 32 and you still have great tits.



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