my first blog post: The point of no Return
Posted on 5/15/2012 by soulynyc
I have been debating on whether to blog my weight loss journey or not. i've decided i will.
i joined this site in 2009 only to never really use the site. by the time i decided to use the site again with a commitment to using it every day 3 years had passed and 30 lbs were gained. Granted i had a baby during that time but i had to face reality that it was not baby weight . No it wasn't. My weight gain was food related. I had some how developed this warped relationship with food. i had to eat the greasiest, fattiest most sugary salties foods ever. i wasn't happy if the food was not fried. it had to have taste and when i say taste i meant salt. loads of salt. and i had to eat whenever i felt like it. even if i had just finished eating.
i had to come to the conclusion that i was an out of control eater.
After i began using MFP . i realized just how much i was eating. I am talking thousands of calories a day. it was no wonder i was gaining incredible amounts of weight in the past 7 years. 100lbs. to be exact.
In 7 years i gained 100 lbs of fat. i was no longer the nicely shaped girl. or what some would call curvy chick. I was simply Fat.. or rather obese and some would even say grossly obese. however i didn't see myself as fat , obese or grossly obese. I never lost the confidence of the skinny girl in me. I didn't have image issues or low self esteem. I just lived life loving me as i was. Until one day i realized that my issues with my feet come from being over weight. i realized that i could not chase my daughers around or even play with them for more than 5 mininutes standing or sitting. i began to look at doorways in a different light. i was as wide as one of my doorways. now those things hit me like a bullet to the heart. And that is when i decided enough is enough. And i joined MFP.
what makes this time different. This time I know i am the Fat girl. The obese person who can barely move across the floor without pain. I am the obese woman who can barely walk around the mall. I can't chase my kids down the road. This time i know that i can no longer hide behind this confidence i've carried all my life because it simply doesn't allow me to do what i know i have to do. So i am letting go of that confidence and making myself dependant on the knowledge that i need help. Help to get out of this obesity. help to move around . help to chase my kiddies. I need help to control my eating and i need help to change my relationship with food.
in One months time i lost 15 lbs. I am happy beyond belief. I see now that being accountable to myself is important .
being on MFP is about changing Me back to the woman i used to be long before the eating rampage. so i am here to stay..
Blogging is my committment to self that i will log all of my foods.. and all of my feelings and hope that in the end this will be the point of no return and I will be a happier skinnier healthy me.