Happens to all of us. That one (or 10) thing you think you are past. Life has moved on and you are ok with how things are. You survived. Then it sneaks back into your mind again. Something reminds you. Seeing someone or something, certain time of year. BAM there it is in your face again. All the emotions, bad thoughts, what ifs consume you again.
For me this time of year is one of those times. I should be getting ready for my second childs birthday. But no. Instead I mourn what could have been. Remembering the Valentines Day I was faced with an empty ultrasound screen. (yeah Valentines is a real nice time for me too) And all that pain hits me again. The baby I never got to truly hold. I think about what could have been. Was it a boy or girl? How would he/she have looked? I would have a kindergartener this year. Of course I love all my kids, and if it were not for this loss I would not have my oldest son. But that angel will always be my baby and I will never stop loving him/her.
It makes me depressed, run down. Right now it makes me want to eat. But I will get through it. I will be better than this, by not letting it ruin my health. In honor of my baby that never got to be I will be strong and be the best me I can be. I owe my baby that much.