I'm going to try to keep my calorie intake light today, because we're doing a family dinner at my boyfriends grandma's tonight (no worries, I'm getting more confident about making healthier choices).. last night we had another family event at his parents- and I did indulge in a slice of dark chocolate carmel cake that someone brought.. and I tried to eat it really slowly, and really appreciate the taste..
(I saw the results of a study several months ago.. something about the difference between a *fat person's brain* and a *fit person's brain*.. When a *fat* person saw a dessert, a wide area of their pleasure centers (I know I don't know all the technical jargon, but I hope I can explain this okay) lit up.. when the *fit* person saw the same dessert, a smaller area of their brain lit up. However, when the *fit* person ate the dessert, a wide area of their pleasure center lit up, as opposed to when the *fat* person ate the same dessert, and only a small portion of their pleasure center lit up, meaning the fat person would have to eat more to get the same amount of pleasure as the fit person. Isn't that interesting? )
So anyhow, last night I was eating this cake, and I was trying to savor the taste, texture, different layers of flavor, all that good stuff.. I tried to *picture* the pleasure part of my brain.. I don't know.. getting all excited.. or something.. lol.. it sounds silly now.. but ya know what? When I set that plate down, I didn't want a second slice at all, I was DONE.. and that was a nice feeling.. to not be the one secretly sitting there, thinking about more dessert..
I realize that the ideal choice would have been to not have cake at all.. but every month, I learn something new about myself, my triggers and behaviors.. I have progress all the time.. Last night,well, that was progress for me.. I didn't put my weight on over night.. I put it on over a period of several years, and if it takes me a couple of years to lose my weight.. Well, every week, month, and year I am still in a better place than I was before.
So, I had a weird past few days. I wouldn't say that I'd given up hope.. just that.. I had sort of a feeling of total apathy. I'm over it today.. I'm taking back control.. I have struggled with depression since my pre teens, and I will never again allow it to take over my life. So.. now that's out of the way.. :)
I know I've said before that I love the recipe builder thingy.. but I REALLY love the recipe builder thingy :)) I have finally inputted (is that a word?) the ingredients for CJ's awesome chicken fettuccine alfredo, and calculated about how much it makes and all that... which I did by using some awesome detective work as to how much the container we have it stored in holds (thanks, google), etc., etc. ... My other plan was to take a measuring cup and transfer it in to another bowl.. cup by cup.. get my answer, and then transfer it back.. uhmm.. well, I'm glad I took the easy route :) Once I had that knowledge in hand, I felt like I knew roughly what amount I could get away with eating, and that I'd have to have the veggies on the side to really fill me up.. because goodness knows (although we have lots of veggies in our chicken fettuccine alfredo.. ) all those white noodles won't fill me up by themselves.. Hmmmm.. I must finish my food plan for the day :) Have a great day, fellow MFP'ers.. -Always, Sara
** Being conscious of my food choices and getting enough exercise is how I stay on top of my depression, as well as remembering my vitamins, etc.. **
So, as I was walking home from work today.. actually.. *kegel walking* because I had to pee.. so, sooo badly.. a guy in one of those big, black, shiny, gas guzzling SUV's was driving slowwwly past me and he was kinda hanging out his window, and he was like, "Wussup?"
I'm pretty sure I gave him a look like he was mildly slow or something.. I mean, I don't think that I'm AWFUL to look at or anything, but c'mon.. I wasn't wearing make up. I was wearing stretchy black yoga pants. My hair was thrown in to a loose bun after I took a shower after working out. I was wearing my glasses, and clutching a little binder to my chest. I mean.. hotness incarnate, I was not.. Annnd I was kegel walking. And since I'm hefty, maybe I even looked like I was waddling. Sometimes I'm worried I waddle. LoL.
Usually, I would have immediately suspected he was a serial killer, and been worried that I wasn't carrying my mace- however, today, I was so focused on getting home to pee, and so thrown off by this unusual turn of events (I get hooted at by guys sometimes, but I figured this one was not UNattractive) that I looked straight down at the ground, clutched my binder tighter to my chest, and whispered "Hey", even as I scurried down the street.. only turning back once to be like.. WTF just happened?
Anyhoo.. I did feel like this was a weird, random little experience, so yes.. I had to blog about it and see what you guys thought :)