about me..! > the life of a greedy boy!!!
im not very good at putting feelings, ideas,memories, points of views etc down in words. my punctuatuion and spelling is also not the best!! this i put down to being overlooked in school and labeled the joker.... why was i the joker? looking back now i know why, it was becasue i was "the fat kid" who wanted to be excepted and making others laugh ment i recieved less abuse and had more so called friends!
anyway i have already gone off track, so lets carry on. im a only child and was always over weight, the puppy fat never went!!! i was spoilt rotten and thats included treats, such as, chinese take away steaks, pop, sweets etc etc all this before the age of comp school!! being killed with kidness lol
even though a chubby chappy i always played sports, well i had the xxl kit on but mainly walked about like a spectator!! i was talented but physcially a let down. school sports was border line abuse!! making a fat kid wear speedos!! im sure that was for the PE staff to take the piss!! i have vivid fearful memories of being made to try to pull myself out of the pool, after that i pretended i couldnt swim so i could stay in the shallow end with the steps!! it was comprehensive school that i first met fellow mfp member and big boned child.. seamatt. we ended up being in same class in school and college, lost touch in adult life but im well happy we are now training partners and pals once more!!we talk about lots of issues and have same demons with weight and grub, wow sounds deep now!
After leaving school and still overweight i slowly started to achieve better in my sports especially in rugby, being a prop and heavy was one time i had the upper hand!! it was in college that i found i had natural strenght in the gym, i put this down to all the years carrying my added baggage about!! to be contd.. the kids are palying up. im back, kids sorted. at this age people were still saying things like "once he finds girls he will start dieting" that was bull, only breast i wanted was the deep fried kind!!
i was a happy enough teenager and the weight i think looking back was not A MAJOR issue to me at this point in time.. i was happy being the beast who could demolish the sunday buffet and down a pint of beer the fastest, drink the most and still the group Clown...
I cant remember the precise point but by the age of 21 i was training harder and more aware of wanting to look better and more appealling!! i achieved this to a certain degree but would still spiral out of control with my eating.. was stuck in a horrid circle.. eat to be happy, overeating then guilty and feeling crap so to pick myself up i would gorge once more, and round and round it went, the life of a greedy boy!!!
my early twenties.. like the years previous food was still an addiction and was a great friend and a terrible enemy, my god it sounds like i had herion in my life. it something i will do my best that my children will not be fighting in their life, i dont want them eating a few biscuits and thinking bad so then sneek the back away and demolish the lot! training started to become more frequent rugby and football and heavy weights, thing is after nearly every session a big take away and many many beers followed! i was a typical single boy getting smashed with mates but luckily still carried my lard ass to trianing.
by the age of 27 i met my fiancee ria, the mother of my two children, lola and stan. i was playing a reasonably high level of amatuer rugby and was fit as ever had been in my life. i was in tidy shape but still eating like a idiot, i was fasting early part of week and then eating like a animal over the weekend, this bizarre way of life was controlling my weight but nore disturbinly my mind!! ria is from the valleys in wales and when i visited i wassuprised how many of what people may call 'roiders' this made me think i needed to up my game! the insecurity in my personality took over i was thinking maybe i should be more muscles, ripped, tanned etc lol. i did hit the gym and dabbled with supplements. it started to work!! i was fitter, faster and moved to a stage were i was getting paid to play rugby.
but like always i would let it slip, didnt realsie untill looking at pics now how much of a beast i looked. a mix of fat, muscle mass and skinhead. sounds meancing but i was still being called a gentle giant, the happy chubby kid was still playing the jokes etc.
at the age 0f 29 i was 20 stone and strong as an ox but not fit enough to get around the pitch good enough as i wanted, i still played 5 a sidefootball (soccer for the yanks, fusebol for the south americans, this blog is going global hahaha) the turns in goal were more frequent.
i forgot to mention all my life i have tried all the diets, aitkens, lighterlife, weight watchers, fasting, etc but like most sensible people i know what is needed to be done, its eat less and excercise, burn more than what goes in, that wasnt good enough i wanted the fast drastic loss. it happened with the fad diets but it goes on with a bang just a qucik! thats very depressing. i feel down so i ate, the evil circle, you know the one!
lighterlife, wow i lost 17pounds in 8 days and the losses contd with a flourish, in seven weeks i was down to my goal weight of 15stone, looking back i lost hell of a lot of muscle. i had lost over 4 stone through eating just under 600 cals a day. no real meals with hard food just shakes soup and a small bar. in my opinion the diet sucks,it made me go from loving a good meal to looking at people eating and judging them badly, i hated food, loved the shakes! thought i was the diet king! i was wrong. the cost was £70 a week thats was ok becasue i didnt need to spend a penny on any other food or drink. i was selfish, no family meals, no nights out with friendsetc , i was tied to my packs. the issues became really bad after i started to eat again, this next bit wont be easy for me to write but it needs to go down as it part of my food struggle. i controlled the weight by becoming bulimic, no one knew i think, i wasnt the model female or school girl the media portays, i was a weight lifting sporty father of one and always seemed happy and in fairness i was happy apart from when eating. i spent a fortune on this horrid habit. it made me feel in control but obviuosly i couldnr be further from the truth. my poor bichon frise dog never had so many walks, she was my excuse toleave the home to go to macdonald or garage to stock up on a mountain of food to binge and then bring back up, all this went on in the lane behind my house, disgusting behaviuor and something i have beaten and I now know the signs and signals now to keep on top of it. Its given me the experience to pick it up with the students i work with ( im a special needs worker)... the cut knuckles from your own teeth, blood shot eyes, running taps on toilet visits, just some to look out for. Bad times, gone now and im better for it!
im now 34 and have two children, supporting and loving partner, nice home and job im happy in. im still not and never will be someone who can eat what i want and then be happy with it. i have to keep on top of portions, cravings and the love of what seems of all food, i cant think of something i dont like or wouldnt try!
its 23/08/13 and im 16 st 5, im back lifting in the gym 4 or 5 times a week with seamatt so its more muscle than fat. im aiming to be 15 st 7 and maintain that! i play rugby and football to keep cardio fitness up. it all seems perfect, why i beat myself up sometimes about, weight. food, body appearance i dont know why... but now im 90% in control, thats good. i enjoy a pint and sometimes many pints when i meet with mates or family etc and thats is fine. i will eat a bad meal and not worry like before because i know at 6am the next day i will be on way to the gym.
Through experience, books, articles, friends and great sites like this i know what is needed, we all do and its a bitch lol. it can be done. good luck all, eat well, train hard.
thanks for reading and the kind comments. this site is a great support and putting the eating and cals daily is a good help, (if its used honestly, its all got to go down lol)
take care ryan