There is a song by John Legend called "This Time" in it he sings about this time being different and how he wants it all. You see he is referring to his relationship. In a sense I am as well. This time... this challenge to lose 125 pounds is my new relationship. Other obese people tend to have relationships with food, or their scale. For me however, my relationship has always been within. I would be lazy, so I would eat out instead of cooking, I'd eat chips as a snack because they were easier than cutting up an apple. The sad part is, I enjoy eating an apple more than chips, and I LOVE to cook. Yet my laziness kept me from it. I have always been lazy. Truth is... I think laziness is the root of most of my problems. As with most roots they start young and grow. I was extremely smart as a child, so I'd rush though all of my work, so I could sit around and do nothing. In high school I missed a lot of days, mostly from laziness. In college, my apartment was never clean... again due to laziness. My professors were always impressed because I would do all of my assignments early. I wasn't an overachiever, I only did it  so I could... you guessed it, sit around and be lazy. What's interesting is that this laziness never translated into my role as a mother and wife. Maintaining a 13 year relationship which started when I was only 15, takes a lot of work. I have always put forth the necessary effort for it. It’s the same thing with my son. He is an amazing kid; he's witty, intelligent and an awesome athlete. Disciplining without spanking takes a tremendous amount of persistence and effort, all of which I put in and somehow deter the laziness. In November of 2011, after my 2nd of 4 miscarriages my family and I moved into a townhome. I decided to stop being lazy, and I now keep a well cleaned and as my husband would say "overly organized" home. Since then, I have managed to keep up with it very well despite being pain and discomfort ridden from my recently diagnosed fibromyalgia, and the physical and emotional pain of having 2 more miscarriages.So, why is that I can be efficient in some parts of my life, and yet be tremendously lazy in others?This question has been in my head since March of last year. After some deep thinking I finally realized that it is a frame of mind. Because of my tumultuous childhood, I knew I wanted a stable marital relationship and a well behaved, intelligent, happy child. So I put my mind to it, and stuck with it. And I succeeded in once again deterring the laziness. Cue in John Legend’s song, “This Time.” As you can see in the chorus, he sings of wanting it all this time, showing all his cards, giving it all his heart, taking a chance, and giving all of himself.

 This time I want it all
This time I want it all
Showing you all the cards
giving you all my heart
This time I'll take the chance
This time I'll be your man
I can be all you need
This time it's all of me

That is where I am today. In March of last year, I decided to start what I called a substitution experiment. I began substituting fast foods for more meal at home, and instead of eating Mexican food for lunch every day, I’d eat either a salad or a Lean Cuisine. This seemed to work, I lost about 40 pounds before I even realized it and went from a tight size 24 to a size 18.  This experiment was working seemingly well. But being the Science teacher that I am, I should have know that not every experiment goes as planned. I was thrown a wrench last October when out of nowhere I had 3 TIAs, (mini-strokes) within 3 weeks. They (my internist, rheumatologist and neurologist) have yet to discover the source. I have subsequently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and have a pending diagnosis of some type of neuromuscular disease. Those are fancy terms. In other words, I don’t sleep very well, I am ridden with fatigue, my muscles ache more than most people, and they quiver in the strangest places… part of my neck, side of forearm, eyebrow, and the strangest has been the thick part of my palm under my thumb. The old me would have used this diagnosis to revert back to my old lazy ways. Nope, not me, not THIS TIME. It’s as if this chorus of the song is playing in the background of my life. It’s stuck in my head and won’t get out. I have finally decided that this time, I want it all. This time in THIS relationship with myself, I have decided to be different than ALL of the other times. I’m showing all of my cards by admitting my biggest issues. I am giving it all of my heart by working out even if I’m in the midst of a fibro flare up. I am taking a chance, by trying a new method, using MFP and not Weight Watchers. I’m making my “challenge” my new man. In doing so, I’m putting in the same amount of effort into my weight loss as I do into my home and my family.  This time all I need to do is focus on getting fit, beating the inevitable diabetes and hypertension, and remembering that losing weight and getting fit will be all I need to get free of those demons. This time, I am giving all of myself to this challenge. THIS TIME will be the last time I allow my lazy ways to hurt my body. Will this time be your time?