I've been struggling with things a bit lately. Dad's stroke... The car accident that I luckily walked away from, but it left me with no car for myself and still owing on a car I don't even have anymore... And the battle with depression... The restaurant and trying to get it up and going.... And all the other things in daily life that tend to eat away at us driving us to frustration. Anyway... we all struggle, and hopefully I will learn to deal with it more efficiently. I am learning to accept what I cannot change. It is hard for me to learn... I am stubborn and I want to change things. And when I cannot change things that frustrate me I tend to become self destructive.
Yes, I still turn to food as a comfort. Not always. But when I cannot find another way to get rid of the bad feelings.... I eat something comforting. When I can think logically, I realize what I'm doing is bad for me and it is only perpetuating the problems I have and making things worse.
So... I am learning. Slowly. Painfully. Dragging my feet.
I am trying to learn how to become better at being inventive and motivated when my routine gets knocked out of place. Lately I never know what is going to meet me at the door when I get home. I have no idea what will be expected of me to help with. Who needs what? I don't know. It's difficult to expect anything and be prepared for absolutely anything with no knowing what I'm up against. But this is what I must learn. This is the new normal for me. Chaos. It's not what I like. I really want a routine that I do every day without fail at the same time. But right now it's simply impossible. So... yeah. I'm ready to accept this.
I can do it. I can take whatever comes and make the most of it or hate whatever comes and sulk and be grouchy because it isn't what I wanted. My attitude is all up to me and my attitude will also have an effect on everyone else around me. How I feel at the end of the day is completely up to me because it depends on what I do with everything that comes my way.
So here I am. Starting again. Right where I slipped and fell (and rolled around in the mud for a while).... I am ready again. Get up. Start walking. Let's do this again. I'm only wasting my time when I balk at what lies ahead. It is only a mountain. I can either stand and stare at it, or begin climbing it one step at a time. It isn't going to move or crumble before my eyes (not anytime soon) so on with the shoes and away with the negative thoughts. We have done a lot. We have triumphed before. The only thing standing between me and my goals now is my mind. I can sit down and stop trying and be bitter and frustrated because I haven't reached where I want to be yet and blame everyone and everything else.... Or I can accept whatever comes and adapt.
I choose to accept it.
Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for encouraging me. And thank you for not dropping me when I've been a BRAT!
No more "do over".... just DO!