I am going to preface my tale with the fact that I am the queen of the awkward turtle, am mildly socially retarded, and oblivious to cues when being flirted with.
So, I'm going to Lowe's with my dad, my stepmom, and my daughter. They're picking out a faucet fixture to go with this new sink they bought for their upstairs bathroom, and I had just bought a new dress that made my boobs look pretty awesome (just sayin') and I was happy to have a chance, even at a hardware store, to show it off.
My kid hates being stuck in a shopping cart, so she is running full tilt up and down the aisles. Suddenly she rounds a corner and runs smack into a little girl that looks to be about her age. Her dad and I strike up a friendly conversation for a good couple of minutes. Weather, price of Filtrete air filters, that sort of crap, and just looking on at our kids playing. He tells me he moved to town recently, and asked if I would be interested in meeting up at the park one day this week. I was excited about the prospect, because I don't have any friends with kids my daughter's age and they seemed to be getting along great. I put my number in his phone so we could pick a day to go.
Then he turns to my daughter and says "Okay, I'm going to text your mommy later this week so you and my little girl can go play at the park together. Is that okay with you? IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO WILL BE MAD IF I TEXT YOUR MOMMY? NO? OKAY." Then he walks away. I jut stood there, stunned. I really know that I have asperger's grade social cue functioning, but this was retarded even for me. Oh.My.God. I just realized this guy was flirting with me and now he has my phone number.
So, he texts me. I reply that I was flattered by his advances, but I'm in a relationship, and that I totally misjudged his intentions and was sorry for the awkwardness I caused.
I called my partner and informed him that I thought I had just agreed to go out with some random guy at Lowe's and now he has my number. He just laughed at me.
He texts me back a couple of days later. He said that he saw my ring, and thought that it was either for show or that I was ADVENTUROUS. I have no idea how I gave the guy that impression other than the fact that I was chasing a little girl full speed through Lowe's in boots and a sundress. He told me that he was in Japan for a couple of days, and that if I changed my mind, I should call him back. Yeah, right. The guy probably works at Mikata. Japan my shrinking ass. I'm surprised I wasn't kidnapped as a child by a guy with "Free Candy" spray-painted on the side of his van.
Though my last Lowe's trip turned out being an utter social disgrace to me, it does feel really nice to be attractive and noticible again. I just wish I had put this much effort into my confidence and looks sooner, but I figure I have a few good years left to be a MILF, at least.