Life comes at you with all its force sometimes to try to make sure you fail at what you're attempting to do.
Struggling with money results in not being able to buy healthy foods, boyfriend coming back after a month of absence equals less time I want to work out, and only being able to see him on dinner breaks from work for the most part equals us going out way more often than is necessary. Which circles back to struggling with money.
It feels like once I get one thing in order with my life, another problem pops up, kind of like that stupid gopher game. Once you slam one back in, another one jumps out. Why can't they all just stay down for a while so I can focus on one thing at a time?
Not having school this semester will either help or hurt me. It's more time to work out, but also more time to make excuses for not working out. I have to get myself away from the notion that working out after work (around 10-11 p.m.) won't hurt me, it will help me, no matter how tired I am. I have to remind myself that getting up at 6:30 a.m. for cycling is worth it because it burns almost 500 calories in 50 minutes and it's done for the day.
I have to remind myself that buying food for the next week might cost a lot at the moment, but $6-8 per meal per day costs a whole lot more before payday.
It can be soooo frustrating to know that you were once where you want to be right now, and going through all that work again just sounds so daunting. Because the thing is, when I was 165, I still felt like I was 200 pounds. But my mental health is so much better, and I regret taking that weight for granted and letting it all go. I'm so mad at myself for letting it all get to this point when I had done so well. And I so desperately want the way I look on the outside to reflect the way I feel on the inside. Right now, it really, really doesn't.