The Bee Blog

Disclaimer:  These are vegan.  If that's not what you're into, feel free to look away now.  Also, the filling has peanut butter in it, because I am addicted to peanut butter.  I know it sounds weird but it's so freaking delicious, you will want to make love to it.  Maybe that's just me.  These are not low calorie.  Also, if you eat paleo, you should probably call me a demon and run away now because these enchiladas are not low carb, they contain peanuts and are wrapped in flour tortillas.  I'm the devil.  

Ingredients:

1 red bell pepper, chopped

1 green bell pepper, chopped

5 cloves of garlic (You could also use onion but my husband is allergic)

1 tsp coconut oil, or whatever you have

1 tbsp fajita seasoning (if you want to make your own, mix together some chili powder, paprika, cayenne, cumin, cinnamon, garlic powder and onion powder plus a teeny bit of sugar)

1 medium tomato

50 g of crunchy peanut butter (I think this is just slightly less than 1/4 cup or maybe 3 tbsp + 1 tsp, because 100 g is something like .4 cup.  I actually have no idea.  I'm just making this up.  I use a food scale.)

Juice of 1/2 lime

For the cheeze sauce:

100 ml milk of some sort.  I like amond.

30 g nutritional yeast (I don't know, but I think 1 tbsp is 12 g)

Or you could just use your favorite cheeze sauce recipe, or just skip the cheese sauce and top the thing with your favorite cheese.

For the red sauce:

Can of chopped tomatoes, 400g

1/2 tbsp sriracha

1 tsp fajita seasoning

I know this looks like a lot but it's pretty easy.  Slightly time consuming, but pretty easy.

1.  Preheat oven to 175 C/350 F.  Heat coconut oil in pan/skillet.  Add peppers and garlic, cook until soft.

2.  Add  tomato, lime juice and tbsp fajita seasoning.  Cook until tomato is soft.  This only takes a couple of minutes.

3.  Add peanut butter and stir a lot.  While that's cooking, mix almond/whatever milk and nutritional yeast for your cheeze sauce.  Add to pan.  Stir some more.  Once it's hot, turn it off. 

4.  Now you have a choice, you can make two or four enchiladas out of this.  I like to make four.  I really prefer using corn tortillas but for the sake of not eating 80g carbs in one meal, I used wholewheat.  Whether using two tortillas or four (I should mention, the ones I use are pretty small) divide the filling and plop it into the tortillas.  Roll tortillas.  You don't need to fold in the ends or anything because this is just going into the oven.

5.  Put rolled enchiladas in a rectangular baking pan thing.  Put in oven.  I like to leave them in for about 20 minutes, so they get really crispy.  Meanwhile, make red sauce.  In a saucepan, add can of tomatoes, sriracha and tsp fajita seasoning.   Bring to boil, stir, lower heat, cook until sauce has thickened.

6.   After 20 minutes, remove enchiladas from oven and top with sauce/cheese if you're using it.  Put back in for another 10.

7.  Devour.  I like to serve these with some pico de gallo (diced tomato, a little onion, canned jalapeno and cilantro) and smashed avocado.  I also add leaves on the side because 1. I like a full plate and 2.  As my husband says, I like to eat the foliage.

 That's for just the enchiladas, cheeze sauce and red sauce, not for the guac, salsa or lettuce.  For the full count, you can look at my diary for tonight.

I am so incredibly nervous about posting this, but here you go.

http://youtu.be/r2oJU8ae-WY

I am so, so sorry.

So, this week I decided to re-start strength training.  My ankle is still sprained (it's been nearly 4 months now) and I really wanted to focus on something healthier than the fact that I hate my body and am bingeing on a regular basis, but let's talk about that for a moment.

I am actually embarrassed.  I got to my goal weight last May.  I could run for miles and miles and lift pretty heavy weights + thanks to P90X, I was able to do ten billion pushups (warning, slight exaggeration, more like 25 with toes on the floor, 25 with feet on a chair).  I was still apple shaped, however, so though I looked good with my clothes on, I was always sucking in my stomach and hated the way I looked naked.  That sucked.

I'm not sure if it was for emotional reasons or the fact that I listened to the people who were telling me I was too thin here:

Or maybe my brain is just really screwed up.  However it happened, I went straight back to old habits.  I got lazy and ate all the food.  I even ate some things that shouldn't be considered food. 

As of today, I have gained around 25-30 pounds since this picture was taken (I can't remember if I was 143 or 147 here) and I am so disappointed in myself.  I know everyone is going to tell me not to be hard on myself because I worked so hard and I started out here:

It's not that easy.  I'm 10 pounds overweight, my body fat is around 34% and I am going to a wedding this weekend in a size 14 (UK) dress.  I'm actually too ashamed to show the pictures I took this Monday for my re-starting strength befores.

Something beautiful has come of this, though, and although this isn't my usual snarky/sarcastic/hilarious (if I do say so myself ;P) post, there will be a happy ending - not THAT kind of happy ending.  The shame tears, the tight clothing, the embarrassment of being seen, it's all turned to fire inside of me and I've made a promise to myself to be consistent with my training, to do my best to fight the binges and to get the body I want and deserve.

The plan:  After a lot of research, I settled on a plan.  I read Starting Strength and looked at Stronglifts 5x5 and read the entire bodybuilding.com website for the 3rd time.  I am doing a bastardized version of Jamie Eason's LiveFit trainer, mostly going by her schedule but I'm not going to the gym, so I use some of her workouts and then add others, for instance, if she wants me to use leg curl/press/smith machines, I am instead finding other exercises that work the muscle she wants me to work.  I have added/removed exercises and mapped everything out in an Excel spreadsheet.  I will continue with rowing as well, but no real cardio for the next month because I need to rest my ankle.

I've also made another spreadsheet to track my progress, things like inches, body fat percentage, weight, etc...but I should mention that I will only be weighing myself twice a month.  Firstly, I have decided to stop relying on the scale for my happiness/self loathing.  I want to see changes in my body and as long as I am eating healthy foods and working out consistently, then no matter what the scale says (ok, well within reason) I will not lose focus on the bigger picture.

I know that because of my shape, it is going to take me a very long time to get a flat stomach (what I have wanted all along) but I'm willing to work hard at this.  This is only the beginning.