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The End of Calorie Counting

Just the thought of it makes me feel ever so slightly out-of-control and panicked, but I think it's exactly what I need.  Let's start at the start, shall we?

Being sick does bad things to me.  It makes me think.  This, ladies and gentlemen, in large doses, is dangerous for me.  My husband tells me, several times a day, that I overthink everything.

See, it's in my nature.  By hobby, I am a writer.  While most writers say that writing requires little to no thought, as it usually comes pouring out of your fingertips (and I tend to agree) it still requires a brain.  By profession, I have to analyse people, not just what they've done career-wise, but their personalities as well.  I am paid to over-think.  Not an ideal quality in a wife, and I am well aware of this fact, or at least well-reminded of it, but it is what I do, like it or not, good or bad, healthy or detrimental.

Anyhoo, the point is this:  I think so much about what I am eating, what I should be eating, the fact that everyone can see what I've eaten, whether or not my macros are in line with my goals, etc.. that I lose track of what I actually want  to eat and I binge out on ridiculous, calorie/sugar/fat-laden crap that doesn't even taste good.  No matter how far I've come or how far I bounce back each time, I always make it back to this place, and I don't like it here.  This is the place where my emotions rule my life and attempt to ruin my happiness.  In here, I am nothing but that fat girl voice in my brain, the one who needs to eat her words, literally.

So, I am giving it a try, just for a week or two, and if I revert to these bad habits, then I'll try and find something else that works.  I'll still plan my meals, because I crave the structure, but I'll do it in a blog or something that is not a food diary.  I will eat food that tastes good and that is (hopefully) good for me, or at least good enough.  I will always get all my veggies.

I plan on doing a mass cook and freeze of things like French Toast, those delicious Morning Glory Muffins I tried last month, breakfast burritos, pancakes, etc;  that way, I've got  easy things on hand and can just pop 'em in the microwave for a quick breakfast or snack.  I also plan on experimenting with overnight oats, a new favourite of mine, and I will probably start taking pictures of my food again and posting them either here or on my Blog Spot blog.  Because, ya know, who doesn't like a little food porn?

Anyway, time to wallow in self-pity rest a little more.  I think I am going back to work tomorrow!


15 Things

Hi peeps!  I know we've done this before, but I'm bored and the last time I did it, I had fewer friends, so let's do this again.

Some things you probably don't know about me:

1. I am a rock girl.  I love Bob Seger, Beatles, Supertramp, Foo Fighters, Soundgarden, Nirvana, Weezer, Pantera, Rage Against the Machine and Alice in Chains but I totally rock out to Lady Gaga when I run.  I'm super ashamed of myself for it, but I think I love her!

2.  I could live off of cereal.  I try not to, but I love it!  Grapenuts is my favourite, but I can eat just about anything:  Cheerios, Shredded Wheat, Weetabix, even Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

3.  I'm more excited about the last Harry Potter movie than I am about my vacation to Tenerife in October.

4.  I have serious guilt issues regarding food, money, happiness and much, much more. I think it has something to do with having been raised southern baptist.  I still don't swear, even when I'm singing along with Gaga.

5.  I'm allergic to nickel in the right side of my body but not the left.

6.  Right now, my face, shoulders and chest have a heinous sunburn and I am rocking the nerdiest HRM watch tanline ever.  You can see it from another room.  It's super cool.

7.  Until about a month ago, I didn't have a Facebook account and never planned to, but then I moved out of the cave and got one of those phones you don't have to plug into the wall and a facebook account.  Might as well put me in a Star Trek suit and onto a spaceship, 'cause I'm living in the future, baby!

8. Upon review of my grocery bills for this year, it has come to my attention that I spend more money on nut butters (mainly peanut butter) than anything else.

9.  I have been in this country over a year now and I still can't fake an English accent.  I so wish I could.

10.  This is probably really going to shock you, so please remain seated.  I know it's hard to believe, but I HATE working out.  I do it because I know I need to if I want to eat chocolate later and because it keeps making me smaller, but I really, really hate it.  I don't like how I feel before, during or afterward, but I do like what it does to my body and I just keep hoping that one day I'll wake up and love it.

11. All I have to do is think about seeing my mom (which I will do in August) and I cry.

12.  My husband does all the ironing in this house.

13.  Pink Lady apples are my favourite.  I had never eaten one until I came over here and they are amazing!

14.  I  get seriously offended when people I haven't seen in a long time ask me if I eat at all.  Of course I fricking eat.  I have been over my calories most days since the beginning of June.  I get slightly less offended, however, when my husband says things like "He actually eats more than you, Bee.  It's scary."  Yeah, thanks hubs.

15.  I wore shorts last weekend for the first time in ten years.




 Your turn!

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