Just the thought of it makes me feel ever so slightly out-of-control and panicked, but I think it's exactly what I need. Let's start at the start, shall we?
Being sick does bad things to me. It makes me think. This, ladies and gentlemen, in large doses, is dangerous for me. My husband tells me, several times a day, that I overthink everything.
See, it's in my nature. By hobby, I am a writer. While most writers say that writing requires little to no thought, as it usually comes pouring out of your fingertips (and I tend to agree) it still requires a brain. By profession, I have to analyse people, not just what they've done career-wise, but their personalities as well. I am paid to over-think. Not an ideal quality in a wife, and I am well aware of this fact, or at least well-reminded of it, but it is what I do, like it or not, good or bad, healthy or detrimental.
Anyhoo, the point is this: I think so much about what I am eating, what I should be eating, the fact that everyone can see what I've eaten, whether or not my macros are in line with my goals, etc.. that I lose track of what I actually want to eat and I binge out on ridiculous, calorie/sugar/fat-laden crap that doesn't even taste good. No matter how far I've come or how far I bounce back each time, I always make it back to this place, and I don't like it here. This is the place where my emotions rule my life and attempt to ruin my happiness. In here, I am nothing but that fat girl voice in my brain, the one who needs to eat her words, literally.
So, I am giving it a try, just for a week or two, and if I revert to these bad habits, then I'll try and find something else that works. I'll still plan my meals, because I crave the structure, but I'll do it in a blog or something that is not a food diary. I will eat food that tastes good and that is (hopefully) good for me, or at least good enough. I will always get all my veggies.
I plan on doing a mass cook and freeze of things like French Toast, those delicious Morning Glory Muffins I tried last month, breakfast burritos, pancakes, etc; that way, I've got easy things on hand and can just pop 'em in the microwave for a quick breakfast or snack. I also plan on experimenting with overnight oats, a new favourite of mine, and I will probably start taking pictures of my food again and posting them either here or on my Blog Spot blog. Because, ya know, who doesn't like a little food porn?
Anyway, time to
wallow in self-pity rest a little more. I think I am going back to work tomorrow!