an imposter
again
here I am
disappointed in me
as if I woke up from a deep
slumber
and now have an imposter sitting inside of me
this imposter has taken my very thin self
and replaced it with a fat-induced puffed version of myself
last time I looked in the mirror
it wasn’t quite there
and then boom
I looked yesterday
And couldn’t believe what I saw staring into my eyes there!
How (AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Did I let myself go?
Actually disappear into FAT air
And land right back here where I did not want to go
How (AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!)
Did I do this to myself
I promised myself years ago
That I would NEVER have to go through this again…
And how very
Disappointed
Ashamed
Sad
Guilty
Frustrated
Anxious
Unworthy
Angry
Despondent
Disappointed
and
so
shamed
I am of myself
They say when you hit bottom
The only way is up
Well I’ve definitely hit bottom and am so sick in my stomach that I could throw up
So here I am
Here I sit
Here I need to follow through with my decision
Of a life time of being fit
It is NOT easy
It is a chore
It is almost impossible….
But NOT anymore
I have another 50 years to live
And don’t want to spend each day
‘crying’ in my crib
it IS hard—just do it
it IS so frustrating---just do it
it IS a struggle—just do it
it is ME.
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